POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 126, 30 May 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY fLACB

Chronicle and Comment

Rather a pity that the U.S.A. Supreme Court should have found it necessary to give the New Deal such a raw deal. » « « The news that Bobsleigh, a Derby candidate, has pulled up lame obviously means that one of the runners is amiss. . .'..-■ : ... ' . ■ ♦' . . * ■ ••■■'.*', Apropos Europe's "air fear" —it if high time that the Powers got down to earth on tbjs vital c ijestion and indulged in some ;plane speaking. '■' •• -._■.■'# « : ■' It was eminently appropriate that A Barber should figure so prominently in- the crop of centuries recorded: ift the latest county matches at Homsu * * . *' ; ' :; AD. MATTERS. X.' ' . Dear Percy Flage,— Not long ag9 there appeared in "The Post"' an]'-ad. calling for "Cleaner Salesmen," arid as this would by no means be an-Im-possibility, we trust the advertisement ' brought in satisfactory results. How- : ever, we do think that the person who, this week, asks for a man to lay 2000 bricks is a bit too optimistic altogether. MAE AND DOLI ■ • ■ ' •"-•-■•■..-: ■•.-..',.' QUAINT EPITAPHS. These epitaphs are on two very, old tombs in the old Chelsea Cemetery:— She met her death. And it was thus, • ■ She was.druv over By a bus. This on the tomb of twins:— ■ , If we had taken our Epsom salts We would not have been lyingln these here vaults. : '; • ■ ■■ ' ■ .".:"■■' L.G. '■■■."• : .» " * j GARDEN PHENOMENA. I was greatly interested,': writes "Aussie Ra," to read in,your news ,-: columns of those Botanic Gardens shrubs, etc., that are blossoming bo precociously. On my 15 x 20^ (in feet) patch in the rolling downs of The Glen there are similar horticultural phenomena. A white azalea exploded into flower a fortnight ago, and though looking" somewhat disillusioned today, is persevering. I have . a wattle whose crest is on the step of breaking into bloom, and thekowhais are showing a rich spring fervour. But most curious of all, there are rhododendrons with flashes of half bloom. One, a deep, red fellow, is flaunting a flower seemingly suffering from arrested development. Another is parading a number of fat buds from whose dark green sheaths delicate shell-pink petals are hesitatingly unfolding. And you should hear the love-songs of the opossums when the stars, rise, and see —on dark warm nights—the passionate signals of the lady glow-worms. '" * .:,*';■. " ■■• ■ ■ A TRUE STORY (MORE OR LESS). Dear Mr. Flage,—Have you heard this one? It concerns a life insurance canvasser and one Mr. Husbing. ■ This •' Mr. Husbing held an important and permanent position; he boasted a comfortable home, a charming wife, and two beautiful children, toy and girL What more could any man want, J ask you? Along comes Mr. Canvasser. He talked eloquently for -ah uninterrupted - hour. He drew1 a harrowing picture 1)f--' " what would happen if he (Mr. Husbing) : should die and leave his family unprovided for. He surely must have- go* him hypnotised, for Mr. Husbing was on the very point of signing his name in full on the dotted line. Then, at the critical moment, Mr.' Canvasser overreached himself. He drew another picture of the benefits of life insurance. Such a vivid picture; And- Mr. Husbing saw—he saw his wifey' still young and pretty, provided with eye*y comfort (and not without suitors)'. He saw his son and daughter having the time of their young' lives—the whole trio better off and happier without him than with him. And to cut a long story short, that dotted line is still awaiting the signature of one Mr: Husbing. '*'■■■-.'■'.■■■ ■■ . i/■■.. ■ NANCY. . ; MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. 'liO,. dearie. N^Ow's the game? A bit Orf the ole eats? I'm fightin' fit— Or will be.soon enough. What say? The daily dozen every dayPhysical jerks... . . an' dietin' .. » , No more pork chops, i plum pud., or ; gin. .>~ . ; ;-; >; ; -":- -.; : ' Cold baths—with just a drop uv warm. I'm set y on gettin' into form To face the winter" sales. My word! The crust uv battle's in me stirred. Because, you understand, one's got To take, if not to give, a lot When, tooth-'n'-nail, the scrum goes down ■■■'-. An' 'all the females in the town Start millin' at the doors like mad, 'Ot after bargins good-'n'-bad, With no beg pardons: do-'n'-die, An' don't they make the feathers fly! They does! With langwldge! Never ' mind— '~, I guess I won't be far be'ind. No pastry, dear—4est some dry toast >.. No sugar. I don't wanter boast; But what I sets me mind to do, Like Britterlin', I sees it through,-: Or through it, as the case may be— No one can't point on little me! An', when the ragin' mob gets thick I'll show them Ammerzons a trick : Or two, or three, I learned from BUI,. Who' played for'THelrose,'well or ill, When I can tell you : men was men , More than they 'aye been, dear, since then. j I'll show 'em—sure! I'll screw the- "-■ ■ scrum; - . ■'■• 'Ead-scissor 'em an'- strike 'eni! dumb With elbow jolts until she squeals; At which, the wild pack at me 'eels, I'll break away an' cross the line . / Greta-'n'-Arth is doin' fine. ;. ■■"'■ « « ♦ ' :- DANGER AHEAD.' ; - ( • ■Proceed with "Cautionr Dear Flage,—Armed with no more' than one or two totally inadequate tools, many owner-drivers will sally. forth next Friday night or Saturday . morning to effect what appears to be a simple change-over ■of registration, plates. Last year they bad?. toneOxford, blue; this year, bronze green. Never heard of the T>ron2e University, have you? Unless it is the school ot hard knocks, facts, and bitter experience. To' all motorists who ire iiot graduates of this school, let me give some "Hints on Changing" which may serve in the hour of need: .. I • .- '< ,:■ . 1; Compose the mind beforehand to resignation and tranquillity. ,- 2. Guard against undue acceleration. 3. Take screwdriver, wrench, .pincers, pliers, oil, hammer, cold chisel, warm overcoat, new screws and nuts, some old saws1, and. the tranquil ;jnind. 4. Memorise the newvnumbjer with. its cute little, comma- separating the digits into' 'phone nuriiber simplicity, square the cube root and add or subtract last year's■: number as "the case may be. Remember always that there is safety in numbers. 5. Proceed with task, quoting the old saws mentioned above. 6.- Give old plates to one of th« small boys eagerly waiting. 7. Gather all tools, throw out chest Bravo! WINSH.