POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 118, 15 November 1934, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

: In these days getting rid of expen; sivc used aircraft is not altogether 'plane sailing. '■". ♦ '.#■ «,

A friend of ours never fails to get a kick -out of a gam© of bridge ... . ho pluys with li% wife.

"Amos-V-Andy" defines an ignorant person as one who doesn't know th» samo things as you do.

Tho news of that Bolivian offensive makes our heart bleecT afresh for the sensitive jungle denizens of the Chaco. '»'■.'#■ «.

Upton Sinclair made many ejiemief among his old Socialist pals for going over to the ruling class. To them, ho is now Uptown Sinclair.

POLITE EOADHOG.

Advertisement in an English journal:

OWNEE OF GREY fiUNBEAM TW9910 wishes to APdLOGISE to PASSENGEES and DRIYEE of BEOWN BOLLS KOYCE COUPE for his lack of courtesy and sense- in passing them while towing a caravan pear Camberley; on Wednesday last., .-.'•■.-■ ■: , ..'•.■'

SAVE US FHOM OUR FRIENDS.

Did you see this advertisement in tha Auckland papers? "Centenary Air Racers, —So although you started on Saturday and broke up the, Jewish Sabbath, and continued on Sunday, breaking up the Christian Sabbath, most of you got through. Well, God didn't answer my prayer, that's all as yet.— W, J. Bycroft, Sabbath Day Observer, Runciman."

This is only an additional confirmation of my conviction that if ■ thero were nothing supernatural about Christianity it would long ago have succumbed Ho- the support of its advocates. NEMO.

"TIHE."

Bright lads at Wellington College have produced (with tho aid of the indispensable printer) a magazine titled. "Tihe," which is described (by themselves) as a ".iocoge journal jammed with jejune josts." Our copy is editorially inscribed, "From one humorist (would-be) to another (dinkum)," which compliment makes even a casehardened sinner 'like ourselves blush furiously—a thing we haven't done since our Editor caught us out iv a most flagrant misdemeanour ... ft cigaretto ond set our w.p.b. on fire. Now for tho paternal benison. They hava some lively jongleurs over beyond the Basin Eesorvc: F. 8., for example, with a parody of Gray's "Elegy," ECS. U.U.U., and W.D.W. And there is a cartoon by E.A.C.C. which, must havo joyed tho hearts of others besides the il4b revolutionaries. We salute tho younger generation of glpom-dis-pellcrs.

KAMEBAD!

Dear Plage, —A war reminiscence, for a change,, as told to me by Sandy Hamspucklc, jny close (!) friend and Caledonian fellow-purveyor of loincloths, malt extract, and other local necessaries. , '"Aye, I mind tho time at Meteren, when me an' the Scots ITusiliers put the fear o' th> Laird into Pritzies, for once in their heathen lives. : ¥ive ; o*. us tackled a b,ole wi' five Jerries- an 7 » machine-gun in, it, an' when I readied it on ma own, only me.an' one Fritz was left 6' the bunqh; twa fom'somes cancelled oot. Aweol, he was a wee loonwi specs an' a "helmet like—wellj ye ken what—an' nao hero, , As soon as I came n,t him wi' ma bay'net, he went dow» on his knees, hqld his hands up intUe air, an' skirled oot, 'Acb, mem Gottl' 'Oche, ye flatteriri', blasphemous Dutch gowk!' says I. •Ye 're ma prisoner, an soft soap'll naehelp ye.' An' I too* him along." '. "„ „ v. Is that too "subtle," Percy?- Per* haps my next one .will be easier. ■; TAKAPAKOKO.

Mangaia, Cook Islands.

MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. Such a relief it is! I And Mesclf more clear in 'eart-'n'-mind-* Oh, much more clearer —an* it's true The 'ousemaid's knee feels bettor, too. Since it 'as 'appened, dear. But why! That is beyond me, dinky di. But-this I know, an' know full •wall, It's like as though a clangin' bell What never ceased nor night or dtiy 'Ad been hinspirited away, . Or that tho wireless nex' door (Thank Gawd there ain't nono there no mqre) 'Ad been smote silent in its tracks By an hinfuriated base. That's 'ow I'm feclm'—good-'n'-

\slrong, Beady to burst out into song. What say? You are dumb, now-'n'-

then: . Ain't Parlerment gone 'owe again? Talkin' uv goin' 'orne—one time I 7opo, before I die, to climb Aboard a bdat with beatin' 'cart To sail orf to the dear 010 Part, The land uv Shakaspere, an' the sweet Ole lady uv Threadneadlo Street— Who wallers, so they, say, in gold— Madame Twosaw's waS-flggers bold, The needle Cleopatra used To keep 'er Antony amused, An' so on. But as things are, dear, We cannot go nowhere this year; At loast, not further than, let's say, The Zoo, or Oriental Bay, An' from that latter bathin' plaao A pure proud woman turns 'er face When the wild gjrls-'n'-boys cut

looap. ... Oh, well, as Mac says: "What's th« rise!"

MARATHON WORDS. •

The . medal in this thrilling contest goes to ''Peggy," who, so far as thin column- -is concerned, shattered all known records. .-Let-the lady speak for herself. In response to "Harihahn's" challenge to produce a. longer word, here ; are some' a good deal longer, For instance, merely to say the word "tank" the Germans have ;to pronounce "sehutzengr&benvernich* tungsautoinobile," while a revenue, officer is an '«obertranksteuerdonatiycau* tionszinsgelderhauptcassir.", Thirty-six1 and fifty-one letters respectively.. Tho Basutos to express the word '^ninqiynine" have, to say engiuonoolenionganietsoarbbilengmonool-emong"—fifty-four .letters.. One of the longest and queerest place-names itt the world is that of .a stretch1 of water in Connecticut, U.S.A. It iB, knowa as '' Lake Chargoggagoggmancbaugagoggchaubunagungaimaug'' — a': '■'■ "name with 44 letters. It is a Bed .Indian woTd meaning <? You fish on your «ide> I fish on mine; nobody shall fish =in the middle." Tho world's longest word is said to bo "lepadotemaohoselachogalcoImuiioleipsanodrinmhypotriminatosilphi- ■ okaraljoinelitokatakceiiyinenokiohlcpjko" ssyphophnttoperistcralcktryonoptoliepu* alliolviiigklopcpeiolagoiosiraiobaphetrag" aiiopterygon"—a word containing IS* letters, and tlioy morely mean "h#sbPerhaps some of your poßtsoriptetl| cau beat that; as far as I am concerns it's *"A. "Woman's Last Wo&!*"