POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 92, 16 October 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

If America decides on an unlimited issue of greenbacks she should be able to prove, on paper, that she has turned the corner. | * * » To judge by the prices charged nowadays, one would think that the p«feet leg of mutton had already arrived in this country. *" * » That cable note auent the Olympic Motor Show suggests that cars hava been so improved that it -will be well nigh impossible for them to miss even the sprightliest pedestrian. * * * A Walthamstow (England) woman, when asked in the Bow County Court to repeat what her husband said to his landlord when the latter called for the rent, replied: Are you going to clear the court first? * « » THEY PEEFEE BLONDES. Talking of that pulchritudinous blonde with whom Prince Henry danced four times —have .you heard this one? He: Who was that gentleman I saw you with lnst night? She: That was no gentleman. I'm a brunette. * « # MUDDLED. "Miticre."—l note that the leaderwriter of the "Daily Mail" is credited with- saying that Serbia's Eoyal widow is a great-gr.airdrnother of Queen Victoria and the first cousin of King George. It looks as if the "Mail's" l.w. had been reading the solutions in your column [ours?] of that ancient 'puzzle about that man's father being my father's son. In any ease, as Queen Marie is a great-granddaugh-ter of Queen Victoria, and King George is her (Wikitoria's) grandson, the widowed Queen must be the King's first cousin once removed. * « * NAME COINCIDENCES. Dear Percy,—Lately I wrote to yon concerning peculiar British place-names. Now I want to cite some coincidences ia personal names that I have heard of. Once, when Lady Boberts was distributing shooting prizes to a Volunteer corps in India, the following names were called up to receive prizes in this order:—Sergeant Pepper, Corporal' Salt, Lance-Corporal Curry, Volunteers Bice and Kitchen. Hot stuff—what? Somebody else relates that when he went up for his degree at Cambridge the students were placed in alphabetical sequence. Just in front of him weretwo men named Sitwcll and Shufflebothani respectively. The circumstance proved so disturbing to his sense of humour that he was nearly '' plucked.'' Here's a chance for Postscripters to go one better. —Eegards to them all, and to thoe. L.D.A Still in London. * ♦ * POSTED .... MISSING. "Cheerful Charlie."—Tour "Song and Dance" a trifles heavy-footed. L.A.B.—Thanks, but that stock ad. was worked up in this feature last year. "Wee Wullie."—Prefer original matter. That serious verse is admirable as to sentiments, but tends to become too preachy. "Gil Bias."—(l) Nothing in that story. Desolated that you "see fit to disagree" with us. "Estaminet," —Bjr chance we saw that "digger" yarn in an Australian weekly. B.M.C. —(1) Will endeavour to ascertain for you. (2) No. Perhaps one of these fine days. "Polydora." —You think (in rather lamentable verse) that your namesake will win the Cup? We've no complaint about that. "Grid Bias."—lt's cheeky of you to try to pass off that "televisionary" quip as your own. "Alice in Blunderland." —Smart, but not clever. "Balbus Minor." —"What sort of matter do we want?" Mostly, what we print, dear lad. "Havaspot." —Your brand of ale is somewhat muddy and flat. 0.8. —Has an interesting point or two. May reconstruct it. « » * TO A YOUNG MAN JUST ENTERING ON LIFE'S BATTLE. (Sent in by E.L.C., Newtown, who thinks the argument is especially appropriate to these days.) Young friend, I like you and I wish you well, So, as you enter now on man's estate, In which you hope, quite rightly, to be great, Perhaps you will forgive me if I tell Of a most certain charm and potent Whereby each one may for himself create Conditions that will lead him, soon ot late, To those high realms where the immortals dwell. The wise and great in evnry age and .clime (Born, envy mutters, 'neath a lucky, star), Whose deeds heroic and whose lives sublime We humble folk must worship from afar, Are those who first and last and all tha time Fulfil this precept: "Be just what yo» BATAED SIMMONS. * * * "DUMB" IS THE WOED. Here, by favour of a Sydney friend, are some excerpts from a collection of letters received by business men (and others) called "Dumb Belles Lettres." The editor is tho wife of a manufacturer of brassieres in Honolulu, who received so many strange missives from clients that his spouse decided that other big stores would have kept the best ones on their files. So she wrote to thousands of likely people and got euough material for a book. Hero's a note addressed to Marshall Field and Co., Chicago:—Gentlemen,—Where do j'ou got that stuff about "the customer is always right"? I think you are all wrong. Now if I am right about you being wrong, then the customer is not always right. I am a customer of your store so (let me quote from the classics) ipso facto, I am right by your own admission. Then if I am right you are wrong, and if I am wrong, you are liars. Go sit on a tack. —J. H —. One received by a St. Louis firm: — Gentlemen, would j-ou kindly ship at once a half-dozen extra heavy oak chairs as you shipped throe years ago last September. This is a mighty good chair nnd terribly handy in a fight. Yours, Charles D —. (Ho writes from Chicago). Several letters in the collection came from tho files of professional love advisers. This is an example:—Dear Miss True, —I invited a young man to dinner at my home. Having met him only once before, I was somewhat amazed when lie called my mother "Fat Face." Ho apologised when I asked him to and 'behaved like a gentleman for the rest of the evening. Should I invite him ngain?—Yours, Caroline B —.