POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 65, 14 September 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Anyway, wo cannot fairly be likened to tho Gadarene swine: our downhill rush has been checked. '' ■ ■ .

It should bo news to tho .AuditorGeneral to hear first-hand that he enjoys the fullest respect of the: Minister of Finance. ■ ■;.'.'

"Chance has substituted itßelf for the anthropomorphic sequence of human existence," declares Professor Tugwell, Roosevelt's most influential "braintruster." What do you know about that, Mr. Forbes? . / ,"■- .

Thero is no gratitude in the world. After all France has'done to make her militant, Poland brazenly ■ denies t he need of an Eastern Locarno Pact on the ground that she has settled her differences with Russia and Germany.

INFORMATION BUREAU. '■' / H.M. supplies the information sought by a postscripter: the authorship of tho poem, ''The Cottage 'of Her Dreams." It was written by Cecil Roberts, author of "Gone Rustic;" an. altogether charming story with a characteristic English setting, and is included in tliat work. , Ai > \

UIPOSTK ' Followers of tho legitimate drama will have heard of Georgo M. Cohan, tlie American actor and playwright. Though his name may suggest that hi' is a Jew, Mr. Cohan is, in fact, df good. Irish extraction. Mr. Cohan was onco refused admission to an American, hotel, to which ho had written reserving on tho ground that Jews could not be accepted as guests. He wrote to tho' manager in reply: "You were evidently under the impression that I was a Jew. I was under tho impression that you were a gentleman. Wo were both wrong." Mr. Cohan booked at another hotel.

• NAMES. (An Awful Alliance.) I will not blush if some day < I meet a man called Eumgay; • AnU I do not think it shocking To note the Hock in Hocking. Then; the honoured name of Stout Sounds good without a doubt; i And nought my progress hinders When I s t cd the Gin in Ginders. . (T.hesc do' not spread their views About the "demon booze.") But, Percy dear, I' worry, So tell me in a hurry— Why is tho "Malt in Murray"? SLIM JIM. P.S.—No disrespect whatever in< ■tended for a valiant worker iv hif cause. - ■ . . S-J'

EPITAPHS.: . The Body of • % Benjamin Franklin, Printer (Like tho cover of an old book, Its contents torn out, And stripped of its lettering and gilding),; Lies hero, food for worms. - Yet the work itself shall not be lost, For it will (as ho bolieves) appear Onco more In a new and more bcautful Edition, Corrocted and Amended By • Tho Author. (Franklin's self-written epitaph,} Hero lie I, Solomon Todd, All I. crave, si* feet of sod. All I ask, an end to strife, And peace at last from a nagging wife* John Sawyer, aged ' 60, departed. Deeply mourned by his .wife and 10 children. —0, grave, where is thy; sting? ' . BETTYKINS.

•EESUBRECTION AT TAKAKA. Dear Sir,—Have a glance at this onei and see if it is any good; it <is from a supervisor on the Takaka goldfields. A stone shaped- like a skull, and a pair of old bones, probably the remains of an old billy goat, were found on Winter *s claim in Page's Creek. These aro orected besidb the claiai, witfi the following epitaph, which is by'"Winter": Stranger, pause and drop a tear, A Chinaman lies buried here. Ho tried in Vain, to get a crust By washing for alluvial dust. ' He lived on rice and slept on sacks, But paid no Unemployment Tax. Ho did not savvy Form ÜB, Or draw the digger's subsidy, But tho' he'died, his quest in vain, It looks as if he'd rise "again.

HOOTS MON! "Howitzer" leads off, skirling thy. family pibroch. , Laddie, d'ye ken.it's all Scotch tomorrow? And soda —after the game?

There will be no clan distinctions observed: all will enter at the ono gate. Super-Scots using the surrounding grandstands—Mount Victoria, St. Mark's Church, tho National Art Gallery (and the Caledonian) aro advised to] bring their own glasses: the looking" through sort, of courses Wellington haggis addicts can just shout: "Thistle!" It won't cost them, anything. •■•. . „„ ."■ '■■~, " When 'Thistle moots Thistle thq prickly pear takes a back seat. : Country visitors inquiring at the gatcj for Mr. McDonald will ploaso quote initials, age, if married ov single, and so on. .( • Tho teams aro -fit and well, and noither side will give anything away. Prior to tho match pips bands and Highland dances will induce the. right battlo mood in the true Scot and mako tho equally true Anglo-Saxon rathec nervy.' All Scots desiring (!) to colcbratci by sending lambs to their home coiiiity, should adviso tho N.Z.I\A., and sea that the bill is sent to that body, j , Taking up positions at the Basin before the sun rises will be useless, because the ground will be cleared.beforo the melee is launched.

And now "Winfih":—The following are a few observations which might come in handy for the uninitiated on ■Scotsmen's Day, the 15th iust:—

Braces made in Scotland do give. 'The sporran is a kind of sheep '3 stomach which is generally brought into the room piping hot. When on vacation Scotsmen spend their holidays. ' % ' The "piece do resistance" at, a Caledonian gathering is tho moment tho bagpipes stop playing. Inferior, whisky and Auld Keekie are not synonymous terms. New Year'h Eve has a great significance for Scotsmen. For many of them New Year's morning has a greater.,

Hundred per cent, ho men come from the Hi elan's.

Ordinary peoplo collect tdgether,_ but Scotsmen are immune to collections. They foregather (and retain .their money). . ~~ Highland flings and Scotch reels ar«l dances —not tours of the distilleries.

A kilt ia.a piece Of skirt, or a tar«j in tartan*