POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 111, 12 May 1934, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Tomorrow being "Mother's Day* we shall insist on getting up for breakfast. '.• « * * Like Joan Batten our broadcaster, of wrestling only requires time to get there. * * # • Add burners of the midnight oil: Admiral Byrd. Add.national heroes: Professor Algie. ** * • Clerk, at Tottenham, to a husband: You say your-.wife has deceived you? Husband: Yes. She asked me for Is 3d to pay a bill, and I found out afterwards the bill, only came to 10id. -*• ■ - * "Not enough beer" was the complaint made of a Navy League function in Christchurch. As it is to ba presumed there were few "dead, marines" about, the leaguers probably: had no cause to sing "What Shall "W Do with the Drunken Sailor?" KENNY THE KELT. • * • » olfactory" note. As a farmer of long experience/I ca» understand "H.E." being puzzled ab.out saving the smell of calves slaughtered for meatmeal. The problem, however, is easy of solution, the answers to his questions:being as follows:—(a) How is the smell saved? This operation is performed .in three movements, viz., (1) first catch,your smell, (2) trickle smell into large or small bottle, according to size, (3) quickly.and securely cork bottle, (b) For what purpose is it used after being saved? For flavouring, soups, or olfactory practice. ; UPSON DOWNES O'FLYFFE. * * • . PAINTER'S POSTHUMOUS FAME. Mage,—Your art par. the other day; was interesting. Here's another—re». ferring to the master, John. Constable, .Every ploughboy and yokel in the -Suffolk district where Constable lived and worked is an informed student of his life. Today they are just .finishing the touches of reconstruction to Willy Lott's Cottage, the 400-year-old building that forms part of Flatford Mill, where Constable spent his boyhood and youth. It was about here that ' he painted his most famous picture, "The Hay Wain," and such gems as "Boat Passing Through a Lock" and ' ■ The Leaping Horse.'' As the newspaperman who records these facts wa» putting away his notebook d great blueblack cat purred and rubbed against his ankles. "What's the name of this beautiful animal?" ho asked. Hia informant fairly shouted: "Why, John Constable!" i TEMPERA. SCHOOL'S IN.-: ; Do you know that ■* 1. Some ingenious individual in U.S.A has invented a device which, attached to a hen, dates the egg the minute it ' is laid? . . ■ '.■-' 2. Last Saturday was the 113 th anniversary of the death of Napoleon on St. Helena? 3. Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin, Dollfuss, and Kemal Pasha, the. iron men of today's world, are all of recent peasant ' descent? .';.. t ■ .-. ;^ '■-4i A}Bill, was recently iiitrodu^eOn,--the Argentine Parliament to bar'from. voting anyone who had been either convicted of a crime—or acquitted four times? 5. A Teeord of the voice of King George V was made on a nickeled copper disc and stored in the British Museum, to be opened five thousand years from date? 6. Mrs. Sarah Adams, of Liverpool, i 3. cutting a third set of teeth at the ago of 81? ..'■'" 7. When a missionary played several records of Caruso for natives in the isterior of Africa, they laughed uproar*' ously, but Harry Lauder records wer& greeted with solemnity? 8. The word "technocrat" didn't stay*' long enough to break into a single, dictionary? 9. A theatre in Madrid supplies freaumbrellas to patrons in case of rain? 10. LeslieLobengula, son of the famous Zulu King and hereditary "Lord of Ten Thousand Assegais," is now "• car park attendant in Manchester? * w .• METRICAL MEMOIRS. (In the Latest Manner.) Now, there's the Prince, the Empire'a pride and toast. We found his Highness most agreeablai —'most. , -. We sat in state at his left hand, although ■ Many of England's noblest' (whom wo know) Were lower down the board. He talked the- while Most animatedly, ivith charming smile. ("Our own Prince Charming," as ai peeress said In whispers intimate when the wins was red.) His Highness passed to us a cigarette,And autographed it, too—we have- it* yet— ■ . A democratic gesture which, we. feel, Was so spontaneously urbane and real That its designed Imperial intent Was to includo our island continent, Of which the Prince—who puts one afi one's ease, As we can vouch—has golden memories. Over delicious savouries we discussed^ As, men of similar ideals must, The far Dominions' problems earnest* iy— The past, the present, and-the yet* to-be— Till, with a laugh quite irresistible, Ho changed the subject, as he often will, And with well-simulated twists an^ frowns. Told me droll stories of his ups-and* downs, Which, so far, to none else have been; revealed, He had encountered in : the hunting field. ■■ *" Adding that Henry had—and hero htf sighed!— Deposed him as the Bond Street tailors.' pride. To cheer htm up we spun a few salb talcs, Including one about the prints of wales, Which mado his Highness wrigglo in his chair, And—not exaggerating—gasp for air. We should describe his eves, nose, breadth of brow, And other things, but space will not allow. * * « MISPLACEMENTS. - "F. ON." > forwards, a clipping (source not mentioned) from a review of a book (unnamed), the author of which gives some "terribly funny, pungent, and beautifully chosen descriptions of nurses and operations, swabs, etc." Hero is one of the stories: "And they left a pair of forceps in. ".no, said another patient down the line. Just then the- surgeon, who had operated on Pat called down the hall: "Ha« anybody seen my hat?" Pat's temperature did not rise, Hj( was a fatalist.