POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 95, 23 April 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

i Miss Batten: I am in bed, not be» cause I feel unable to get up ... in other words, because she was unablo not to get down. i. * * -Still reality, what our fanners are in* sisting on is a mere trifle. They merely ask that the law of supply and demand be statutorily abolished. It is inferred that Japan will not deviate from the policy of the open door in China so long as she can rctaiu her military boot in the jamb. ■;:• a * If the-, astronomers have sized up that gigantic frceklc on the, sun's face correctly, we are moved to shout, with, Shakespeare, "Out, damned spot! out, I say!" . ' . '. SHADES OF NEPIA! . ■ ' As spoken by our sports announcer from the.Park on Saturday: "Masters with a hefty kick sent the ball right across to Scotland." Yours till the ball boys fetch it back P. 0.8. (2). * * '' * :- , ■ IKTEKPEETATION. And now G.B.S. on Empire: When you ask' "Whither Britain?" what exactly do you. mean by Britain? Do you mean the British Isles or tho British Empire, for there is all the difference in the world. Ask a cockney soldier to 'die for Camberwell, and ho will think the demand a proper one. . . . But ask him to die for Calcutta, and'his reply will be unprintable. ■ -«• * . * . MELONS' SENSITIVE EAKDRUMS. Our Government has set' up' some curious Commissions—there 'is the Monetary Commission, for example— but France is still in, the lead in that respect. The melon crop in Provenca has become less and less abundant in tho past- few years. The Government appointed a commission of inqury. The .experts have solemnly reported, that noiso is particularly harmful vto , the fertilisation of melon flowers, and that the failure of the crop is due to the hooting of motor horns and the vibration caused by motor traffic. Well, we have seen highly-strung parsnips shrinking self-consciously in . their skins, but that was due to the ravages Of old age rather' than, to the music of mellifluous motors. \ * * ♦. EABBIT-O! Dear Flage,—Somebody is not being strictly truthful about those bunnies. "Mac" said ho saw.one. I say there were two. Now if Mac saw only pnt> ho could have been only half tipsy. That's logical, isn't it. "Mac No. 2" can be taken as supporting my sporting description, though he was 'rather inclined to wander from the point and got his family age record mixed up with tho question. Personally I havo always firmly believed that my great-great-grandfather was produced from a gooseberry bush—but perhaps this is a thorny matter. ThenJ "Mac" earns back, and threw doubt upon my veracity, and made some certainly funny, remarks about my engine-driving habits in Haining Street. Now, Percy, you will bo the- first to agree that I'm really serious about this matter. In the past' I may havo treated some subjects -in," lighter vein, but believe me, I nevei'1 joke about rabbits. It's, not1 safe. Many years ago I knew a man who made up a funny story about a rabbit and he's dead now. He got stung by a Puss Moth. So that proves it. "Lan FitzH" obviously is up in the air about tho matter. It was probably another hare-oplanc that he saw. I think a little verso is indicated — If. a bunny or a- rabbit got into the nasty habit Of wandering the streets at dead of night, One might.reasonably say that, when.' viewed in light of day, ■ The matter would be stated not quito right. As 'twas by the light of moon, might there surely not be room For doubt upon this thing distinctly; rural, But I'm certain in my mind that this very singular find Was quite distinctly present t'hero in. plural. . . So may tho matter lie, as "Mac" does, and not I, And let's forget this business here right now. Let's think of something funny—something other thfti a bunny, And we'll make of it a "dag"—or i» it "wow"? . ' ANANIAS * «■ # THEY'RE AAV AY! Hello, New Zealand! Hello, Wellington, Petone, Hutt! Hello, Eastbourne, Miramar, Upper Hutt!- . . It is "Howitzer" calling. Let me say to all you optimists who aspire to tho trip Home in 1935 that I know whom you wish to speak ■with, first. Sure! " . '.-.'. Jack Lamason, the "singing skipper," had first kick at the-opening of the big games for 1934. Jack was in great voice, but apparently it lacks "it," because the referee did not seem to bo moved at all, at all. "Snow" Tin dill, the southpaw, started with several short runs, but Lamason quickly cut him off. No doubt the Athletic half will settle down when summer-time goes. Touch of politics. Baldwin was op* posed by the stockily-built Forbes, wh^ true to name, showed he could put th» boot in with either foot. G.B.S. being on his way to England, Wells was in the limelight. Little Tommy Atkins • eouldn 't stay the distance; one or two exchanges with Forbes upset his poise. You could see Cliff Porter and Alick McDonald reflected in the scrummaging. "Inquirer."—No, Badland was not a misprint for Cadland, and he's not quite so. fast. The boys in white had a bit over for next week. Wait until Alick rings down full speed, and then we'll see fire- . works. Eef. tie Clifton' didn't put a foot wrong. We can say emphatically that the _ sole selector has not been selected— ' sorry, wo meant appointed. That suggestion to have the manager for tho 1935 jaunt picked by postal, ballot sounds like a civil servant brainwave. Let's have a voting contest in Col. S for that job, a. penny a vote, GO per cent, for promoters' expenses, •10 per cent, for any charity the Minister of Finance nominates. We are not forecasting the 1934 champs, until at least two matches are played. Never rush your fences. Things we object to in tho official programme: (1) The blank space on the front cover, and (2) the photograph of a well-known League player. Surely some of our own stars wore thoso. famous shorts? 1934 fashions. Nothing new to report. The boys are mostly wearing last year's strides. The Referees' Association has not yet enforced any regulation regarding the wearing of thif official blazers.