POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 64, 16 March 1934, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Add similes: As candid at Mr. Leslie Lefeaux will not bo on our high exchange racket. .. • . * • ♦ Anyway, if Trentham proved to be a_"puntcrs' graveyard" today it was nice weather for a. funeral. * * ♦ It's all fine and large for France to keep asking Britain for security, but the Old Country hasn't enough for herself. b * * * These interviews with G,B. Shaw aro usually lively reading1, but we still.are waiting for a candid one from Airs. Shaw on G.B. * * * LAUGHTER IN COURT. 1 Man at Tower Bridge Court: I was "upbraided" with a meatchopper. Solicitor at Bow: She dresses very well? . J . Witness: If you ask me, sir, she is conspicuous for what she does not wear. Counsel: How'came you to marry your husband? Wife: Sheer bad luck. Rockford woman: I cannot say whether I am guilty or not. I will let tho Magistrates decide. •• ~»■.:•' MAT HAVE SWALLOWED A MINT DROP! America's Associated Press'vouches for the truth of a widely-telegraphed story that Willie- Duhlop; of Hollister, swallowed a nickel and coughed up six cents. The cause of that 20 per cent, increment is not. explained, but a child like that would be handy to have about the house these days; If many of our readers from north of the Tweed are anxious to know—as they may well be —where Hollister is located, they will' find a. gazeteer in the Public Library. ONE FOR OUR W.C.T.U. Here is perhaps the most startling of the hundred and two sensational revelations concerning people in the public eye which we have featured in Column 8. Circumstances over which we have no control, to wit, the annual conference of .New Zealand's W.C.T.U., compel a blunt statement of the amazing facts. Though she is G2 years old, the president of America's W.C.T.U.- (Mrs. Ida B. Wise Smith) recently confessed to havingbeen quite a few times a customer in saloons where strong drink was raging like anything and only man was vile. Listen to her: "I've leaned on bars, with my foot on tho brass rails, in the Bowery in New York in the pre-Prohibition days," she said. "I've been in some very dangerous saloons in Europe. During Prohibition I even went to a few speakeasies, and the other day I casually walked into a beautiful modernistic bar-room in Chicago." Isn't it disillusioning? Almost as heart-constrict* ir.g as if Mr. Forbes were caught marking a pakapoo ticket. But, before your flesh, creeps in; earnest, we hasten to complete the lady's confession: "The strongest drink I ever purchased in one of those places was milk"! She occasionally looked in on such haunts to see and know what they were all about. Thoroughly to clear Mrs. I. B. W. Smith's fair name, we add that for nearly half a. century s"he-has been a zealous worker in social reform over in U.S.A. * ■ ■•"■■,'• THE- DELUSIVE "DOUBLE.*' Dear Mr. Flage,—l have read your reprint of J. J. Montague's verses, and I agree (so help me Bob) with all therein contained— -' But did_you ever sit at length Through cdriscquent domestic'trouble, And seek acumen, also strength To nail the too-elusive M double "I Tour laboured eyes agape at lists, With here a name, and there a number, Or chase your fancies in the mists Of slumber? And have you known the peace of mind— The ultimate and sweet assurance— That your selections leave behind All else in speed and stern endurance! Then lo! (or Damn!) there comes a blow— '.There is no ill'l know to match ifcYou see an owner up and go And scratch it. T.P. * ♦ * THE SAGE .ARRIVES. Reporter (buttonholing G.B.S. at the hotel): Good morning, Sir, I represent the "Daily Mercury." Would you please tell us why you are lore, and for how long. ' G. 8.5.: I-hope to get a month in Jbetween quakes and will be, - occupied chiefly in absorbing sunshine, studying Maoris,and dodging repertory societies. Rep. (shorthanding at top): Wall, sir, the whole .country is interested in your visit and "wants to know something about you. Take the beard for instance, why do you cultivate it? G. 8.5.: Good gracious—you are surely aware that I am a sage? What would a, sage look like without whiskers? Rep.: Oh, quite! G. 8.5.: Imagine Diogenes without that yard or'so of matting.. He would have been incarcerated as a. "nut" instead of venerated as r. philosopher. Socrates, too. Had he Ist the hemlock trickle down his shrubbery instead of down his throat, he might have seea another twenty years. • Rep.: Of course, the beard saves ties, and you haven't so much face area to wash—an important matter to a busy man. Are you troubled with the birds at all in the nesting season? ' ■..■■-"• G. 8.5.: Nothing to speak of. You. see, I bathe a lot, and the Tbircls don't get a chance to settle. . Barring a shag or two, I've had no trouble with them. Sep.: Well, sir; what is your oninion of this country? G. 8.5.: Terrible. . . Rep.: And the people? G. 8.5.: Pure nit-wits. : " . Sep.: Haye you nothing at all good to say about us? G. 8.5.: Nothing—except that you'ra not old enough to have any traditions. You surely don't expect me to be orthodox enough to pass eulogistic comments. . ; Rep.: Are you considering writing another play on the subject of your visit? ■ . .'■-■■• G.B.S. (with appreciative glance towards a group of flappers) :, Possibly. - If I do I'll call it "Legs and the Woman," a sequel to "Anns- and the Man." Well, now, have you got all that down? ' Rep.:, Oh, yes. . ~..."-. G.B.S. (waxing temperamental)•' Now, understand young man, I won't be interviewed. I don't wtnt or need publicity, and I detest reporters, individually and as a class. In fact, that is one of the reasons I can't trust my : self to carry a razor.-. (Stamps off with a great show of:anger.) Next day, the "Mercury" features Shaw under streamer headlines to the extent of half a page, including photographs of the sage in 14 different positions. . ',-.•..■' -.: ■ •■'-■'-.