POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 79, 30 September 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

October Ist—Pishing (story) seasoa commences. ; :, HO KAY.' * * • st Mr. It. A. Wright: Has the Reform Party thrown its policy to the winds? All we can say is that the winds' have been unusually cutting this year. " • • • . Authentic want ad. in the "New York Times": "Have complete course, ' How to Become a Success.' Will swap for room rent." The result of .studying methods of making a success of life. * \,. •. , • Then there's the story of the absentminded professor. He married one of his pupils. When ho woke in the'-'morn-ing and saw her in tho bed he exclaimed: "Good heavens, Miss Johnsonl. What are you doing here 7" , SLIM JIM. * * • WOLF! WOLFI I went to my tailor the other day and said to him: "I can't; pay you ail I owe, but there is half of it to go on with. That will keep the wolf from the door, anyway!" "You're too late, sir," said the tailor, "the wolf's been. in our kitchen for the past-two years." ROSENEATH. * * » HASTENING SLOWLY. On looking-up" old minutes of a meeting held in December, 1914, imagine - my surprise to note that reference was made to the new railway station about to bo built in Wellington, the entrance of which would be in Bunny Street. Nineteen years have elapsed and the scheme is still going strong. NOVICE NICK. * » ■■' • DOUBLE EVENT. "I had one double whisky and was later arrested by two police officers. I think one would have, been enough, as I was giving no trouble," said a man at Tower Bridge Court. Policy Constable: "I was the only officer there. Then this:—A husband told the Willesden Magistrate in a dramatic yoke: "My wife assaulted me . . . and when I woke up I found myself lying Unconscious. " ■ . • •.'-.'• HERE'S WHY. •' ' Why are plus fours? , Carnoustie says they are only a glorified-version of "the old navvy's wee, bit string aboon the ankles nigh aboot the knees. Auld Bcekie, however, will hae nane of it. They were a necessary development, he says, to prevent cheating. A lost ball meant a lost hole and so long as a ball could be rolled down the inside of a pair of pants it was hard to loso a hole from the rough.' .The amended rule to provide a loss of two strokes instead of disqualification for tho playing of a wrong ball may be a further step along the- path of 'Tugged, honesty. Now, don't get riled. Auld Reekie is an old hand, and knows a thing or two. * * * SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that (1) An aerial expedition over Central Australia estimates that only oneeighth of the 200,000 square miles'it covered is actual desert? (2) Queen Mary,has two crowns and a diadem, and her State Crown is not only officially her property, but pnvately as well? It is worth well ovct £120,000. ___, (3) Many of the mummies unearthed in Egypt have been found to hava painted lips and rouged cheeks? (4) Believe it or not, whereas the v United States has, 25,688 cinemas (of which 16,607 .aro- wired for sound), Russia can boast 27,570 places of film exhibition? (5) Under native law divorce is cheap and quick in Natal? Zulu wives walk into a native commissioner's office, pay, say, ss, have a summons served, and within a week may look for; another mate. ■ ! (6) To the ancient Chinese Pekingese "• dogs were no less creatures than lions —or, rather, lions were only Pekingese dOgS?: ./,-■; (7) The 1565 Elizabethan saltcellar which fetched £600 at a London auction, seems to be worth its salt— : plus? ! (8) The "Rebecca's Camels Bible" was,so called because in its Gen. xjciv, 61, it tells that ."Rebecca arose, and her camels," instead of "her damsels"? (9) There are more than 20,000,000 widows in India—between 200,000 and 300,000 of them stilL under the age of -0?i (10) According to tho last Year Book, the income of Britain's building societies is nearly £4,000,0.00 a wfeek, and their assets total-£463,334,048 — or half the national revenue? ••■'■•.--..* .» THE. FAMOUS FIRST; '; Sunday is not merely Sunday, it itthe First of October, the , Famous First: :'-.-".. Sing1 a song of fishing, Of silken lines drawn tight Through the water swishing! Of trout that really bite. At early niorn on Sunday : Cut adrift from care, Determined oh a fun day The todmen will be there. \ Sing a song of anglers "And a broken dream, Four and twenty wranglers Parked on one small stream! With Archie's new. quick tapers And flies that, never flew. We'll cut our little capers— E , H——, and me and yo»l Boulders yet unshiftcd, Snugly held in sand, Will'wonder why they're lifted I By a stealthy hand. If you'd know the reason Why these stones can't stay sttU, Early in the season ■ Question Ranger Will. And when theday is oyer Newspapers ''will begin- " . To tally from each rover The harvest of his sin. ■ And if. your share of glory Was nothing but a thirst, You still will chant a story ; - -. About the Famous First. MARCH BROWN. * * * PROVERBS. Aii English Sunday journal recently, published a list of proverbs newly garnered by a contributor on a prolonged tour through Europe and the East. Says tho Norseman: "Mediocrity is climbing molehills without sweating." 1 ' Who gossips to you will gossip of you," avers Spain. "Praise a ihorso after a month, a woman after a year,'' declares Czechoslovakia. "It is a good answer that knows when to stop," intimates Italy. "The thicker the veil, the less worth the lifting," observes -the Turk,, out of experience. "In tho ants' house dew is' a deluge," oracularly asserts Persia. The Arab opines that "A book is a garden carried in the pocket." China, trader-philoso-pher, offers this sliver of wisdom:' "Who finds it painful to smile shoald not open a shop."