POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 144, 21 June 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Only six more months to the longest day. Isn't it jolly? » • * It is to tie hoped that later on we shall not have to refer to it. as tho fiascol year, 1933-34. »» ' • The difference between our .7 per cent, beer and. Uncle Sam's 3.2 decoction is that one goes to tho head "and the other only to the stomach. *' • • It is ono thing debasing the, dollar in order to raise prices, but quite another thing thereby to enable tho masses to raise tho price of three meal* a day and a bed. IMPLICATION. , "As a' Icindergartjjn teacher, I feel it is my duty to talk to you," eaid Eugenia West Ivcs, a Liverpool pedagogue, prefacing her remarks in » scholastic matter before a mixed meeting of educationists and business men. Let's hope they had a sense of humour. *.* ■ * i INTIMATION. "Belief Worker" (Lower Hutt): Sorry to "stop" such a competent rhyme, but publication might lead to recriminatory epistles, and that would be a pity. "Slim Jim," to whom we pass on, your appreciation, said what he was moved to say effectively, though we feel ho, too, misunderstood the original writer's intention. ■' ' . ' * . # . 1* KEGGING BACK TO PROSPERITY. "Manhattan": You have suggested that the world (or a part of it) is riding back to prosperity on the"Sheep's back. Undo Sam's mount is the beer keg. Ho seems to bo making good progress, too, because a private letter from New York assures me that the speakeasies have in desperation decidod to "cut" the police patrols' wages. . ■ ' , ■X- i> * ■ • PERTINENT PUBLICITY, 'ft Flage, ■ . - As I was coming past the De Lux* Theatre ,in the tram this morning, I noticed the following" notice in larg« letters on the advertisement board oa the front of the theatre:— INFERNAL MACHINE. PAUL CULLEN AT THE AVURLITZER. ' I'm sure our popular vocal-organist would not have so many feminine ad- i mirors if they really knew how dangerous an individual he is. "Why, even our severe-looking old friend L.D.A. would not bo guilty of using such a terrible instrument. SPENNIE OF SEATOUN. ' * ■» ' ♦ ' ' j THEY OUGHT TO BE LABELLED. J "WhaffoV" warbles thusly: The sapient remarks of the learned- Judgo at Auckland to tho effect that 'JChiiiamcii arc very much alike" reminds ono of this one. When the fighting was brisk around Shanghai a, couple of years ago the Shanghai Volunteer Defence- Corps was doing guard duty -at the boundary of the International Settlement. "Well, my man," said the inspecting-'''officer'of the guard, in. themqst approved fashion: "Have you anything to report?" "No, sir." "You have noticed nothing unusual?" "Well^ sir, since you came round last there have been forty Chinamen g<» past here once, or one Chinaman go past hero forty times. I dunno which. " , POSTED .. . MISSING. "X. Change."—Just possible thejj would have adjourned' to the long bar instead of lending an ear. "One>armer" and "J.T."; —Wai rather priceless, wasn't it? / \" Hicks."—lt reminded us of peasoup underdone. .. "Billijim."—How long have you been asleop. The Mahatma is reported, to be convalescingi "Palpitant Pete."—All your £oetie tremors for nothing, alas! "Clawd."—Some flickers in your jingle, but not quite enough, to serve our purpose. "WoYel."—Thanks. Retained for further consideration. "0.8.G."—"1-ratepaycr" is neat, but unfortunately for you. a correspondent in the column next door got in. first with it. • "Ambrose."—(l) Difficult to say. (2) That item was a genuine news report. "B.B." (Palmerston North).—Blarn* ifc on us, but we cannot detect your point. ■ '' 4-5-6.' * —Seven-eight-nine-out! ' a *■"'■■* WATER-TIGHT. . \ .. Dear P.F., Here's to water,' good old water, Nothing like old Adam's ale! Give it to your son and daughter— Makes them hearty, keeps them hal^ Tea is just "a wretched habit, Beer is ditto, so they sayj ■ But a glass of sparkling water. Takes the cares of life away. It is good, hot, in a bottle When it's very cold at night, • With it in, between the bedclothes Life becomes a sheer delight. ( ,{ What's a bath without the water I , > Or a tea-pot full of tea? Beer just brewed without the water What a nightmare it would be! But I'm rather in a- quandary, In what-pigeon-hole am I? ! If I writo an -ode to water Am I "wet" or am I "dry"! ■ . , MAISIE. Lower Hutt. ' -.»'■• ; * BATHS. .Plage — 10: Downing Street was not the only, house in England without a bathroom/ until comparatively recently ("Postscripts" a week sinco). Lord Salisbury seated- that up to not so many years ago few of the: stately homes of England had a rixed bath, there wero none at Eton, and ablutionary conditions at Oxford were little better. A story even today goes the rounds of Oxford and Cambridge, says Professor Okcy, to the effect that the.members, of a certain college sent a deputation to tlio master praying that baths tright be provided for the undcr-eraduates. in residence. "Baths! Baths!" exclaimed • the master. "What do they want baths for? The men aro only here eight week?! at a time." In a' recent volume of reminiscences of Edward VII, Sir Lionel Oust mentions that the King, on his accession in 1901, included in substantial improvements at Windsor Castle "a large increase in the bathrooms and lavatories, and similar apartments in which the Castle was remarkably deficient." Previous visitors to the Castle, Sir Lionel added, needed to be almost medieval in their habits. Tho Englishman has always been a cleanly creature, but it is a fact, that only within the present generation has the cult of the bath been developed in.England. ■ ' . . H.A.C,