POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 63, 12 September 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

An English expert has told Australia that her wool has deteriorated. That doesn't matter much. when, nowadays you can get a quota for the asking. * ■ *' * . ~ It appears that the Disarmament Conference did not fail, after all. "What happened was that the problems before it were too complex for the deletes. That explanation should reassure the cynical. * * * CLEVER "WORE! Xow that veteran. Archie Maclarea has clearly demonstrated (on paper), with special reference to Bradman and Grimmett, that the Ashes are already, lost to Australia before ever Jardine's team sails, John Bull and his family will be able to sleep soundly o' nights —for a month or.two. * . ♦ •♦■ DOCTOR'S DICTA. Our representatives of the B.M.C. may be interested.in these points culled from papers read at the centenary gath» ering of that body in London. Dr. Reginald- Miller: More scholarships can be won on beef than on buns. Lord Moynihan: Pliny in the first century said that the spleen hindered a man's running, but "intemperate laughers have always great spleens." ~*■ * * LOVELOCK—AXD BARWICK. How one American expert described the four-mile relay in the U.S.A.-Brit-ish Empire tourney following the - Olympic Games:—"And what a grindl This fellow, Lovelock, comes from NewZealand, where you wouldn't say there was much room to run if you look at the map. But when Lovelock, the third miler of the four in the relay started behind, he showed he'd been doing plenty of running some place. He pulled out ahead of Cunningham, TLS., and handed the stick-to Corne's, British champion, for the final relay, aad Comes was too far for Venzke, the American, to catch him. In that same race was Barwick, Australia, who started first, and ran like an ostrich. It was the Empire's race for three of the four relays. "..-•' . ' * ; * * ■. ■• ASSOCIATION OF. IDEAS. ' I wandered, into a place where they keep, books to inquire for a publication that would give me a glossary of words, which, though having' different meanings, are pronounced alike. The very charming young lady assistant I approached said, "Oh, you mean a" book of synonyms."' I protested politely, and to explain more clearly, I hunted through what I am pleased to call my mind for an apt example,. and quoted. "B-e-e-r and B-i-e-r for instance."' The V.C;¥.L'. A.' . said, "Oh [ I know—a rhyming dictionary." ; '"" Hesitatingly I.suggested'.a.inore convenient grouping of the desired information, when she prettily said, "Oh^ now I know what' you mean, like boy; and buoy." Laughingly, I suggested how; very natural it was for such a V.C.V.L. to immediately, think of "boy." "' . Imagine my blushing confusion, mv dear P.F., as with a ripple of laughter she retorted, ""What about you and beer?" • . : . ' .' J '. SLIM JIM" P.S.—-I went out and had one. - ~i ■"' .i ■ "-* ;"~r *■--"- '.-•*;;■: 'j-vr.-r-rr 'AFTER THE SLUMP WAS OVER. He was not handsome, he was not gay,j He was young, but he did not look it-;' Not agile and light .in the Dempsey; way, . •: When he stepped "on .the floor h«l shook it. * And;, his head resembled a coconut mat, When a very bad broom has swept it?:But he's all right ;dow, from his boots to his hat, " - For he had.a job,"and he'kept it. ■' He plugged along, under sailing rig. When the seas-were rough and heavy;; He did not snarl when the tax grew^ big, [, . , • ' But manfully paid hislevy. '- When he came to a hurdle; he eliml>es across-— ■ ..... ■ ~-- • You could hardly say he leapt it— And slowly he turned into gain each; loss, ■•-.'•■• For he had a job, and he 'kept it. In his autumn, day has iiis triumph; , come; ' "" ' : He is old, but he does not look it; -When asked to guess of his e"ge tb* sum ' . ..""■■ ' • ' By ten years I mistook it. When his j-oung folks dragged him intai the dance, " Eight jovially he stept it; Well can he. afford that fatherly prancej -For he had a job, and he kept it. ■ ■ ■ ' ■"...■"■■■ X. ; . * " .* * ' TRUTH OF ARAPTjJvT. LEAKS OUTj On interviewing our Prime Min^ieW yesterday the following Cabinet. enMag-^ cd—no—-I mean, he issued the follorwinri statement with' reference to ArapunS Waterworks, Ltd.:— - '.' The dam at Arapuni is a grand! raw* cess. We have had three iovestiga* tions and numerous repairs and it still? excites enough interest for a line." With- reference to the pWsist-^ ence of water in finding illicit outlets; he stated that as such a procedure .-vcas irregular and improper, the Govern-* ment gave no official recognition to the; matter. He said that numerous people^ not conversant with the benefits of the;, dam in its present condition, had offers ed divers solutions for the leakage^ trouble, but, unfortunately, none off them would hold water. He remarked; that he was particularly impressed with! one scheme which went so far as ta suggest the building of culverts at .thai base -of dam to ensure a minimnm of! leakage. The only drawback, he said,was the great expense. However, ha continued, as the public regarded Afapuni as a damn nuisance, he had called a meeting of all the engineering heads of the Dominion, who immediately drew up plans and specifications of .a newf dam. With due regard to trade reciprocities with England, the contract had been let to a Scottish- firm-in th« hope that they would make the dam tight—yes, even water tight. It was proposed, through lack of necessary equipment and machinery in K"ew Zea« land, to build the Cam in Scotland and tow it out here. The towage contract had been let to two well-known gentlemen, Sir Hubert' Wilkins and Mr. Kaye Don. Sir Hubert's boat, the "Xaughty Laws," although a submarine, would do anything but sink, and Mr. Don's boat would retain any water which happened to leak out of the dam. When the dam arrived in Wellington it was proposed to wait for the next favourable flood and tow it up the Hutfc River. While waiting for the great , flood the Harbour Bored would'" have the opportunity of dry docking the dam. When they tired of this they; could hoist it on to the end of Pipite'a Wharf with the floating crane. When asked how- he proposed to transport the dam from the head of the Hutt Eiver to Arapuni, the P.M. remarked inspirationally, if enigmatically, that the Government intended'to reconsider the application of the Upper Hntt Borrower Council for a swimming pool. A Reporter