POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 52, 30 August 1932, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLACE

T.S. business men have adopted a sixpoint plan, but Al. Smith would make it a six-pint plan. If, as a Melbourne tailor-ceoiiomist counsels, every-man and woman should drew according to income, some of us would be frostbitten from head to heeL *' * * A HUSBAND ON TOAST. Here's to the ladies with finery gay, Here's to the ladies that bill and coo, But here's to- the husband that will pay, The price of a bill or two. MICKEY DRIPPESV * * ♦ NEW RECORD. An obituary notice concerning the Marquess of Norrnanby states that lie was a member of the- Lords for 37 years before making his maiden speech. W« wonder was he just disinterested, bored, or suffering from a prolonged attack of political inhibition. ,* * * . .• OLD-FASHIONED NOTION. . Apropos a dispute between Charlie Chaplin and his divorced wife over the cyuestion of the Chaplin boys appearing in. the' movies, the great screen comedian contends that "the children should be permitted -to grow up normally." But, surely, not in the States, my dear idealist? *• * * ANOTHER PRETEXT. Tokio is so hard up for reasons for further military irruptions into Chinese territories that it ■would coma as no surprise if its secret service discovered that the floods and cholera now ravaging .Northern Manchuria were dv» to .rebel machinations aimed at embarrassing- the guardians of Pu Yi. * , * * WE'VE MET HIS BROTHER. It was told to us by a newspaperman -friend of ours, and as we hadn't heard of it before, being a trifle unworldly, we pass it on to clients similarly ascetic. Scene: A London tavern, where you. can take your drinks sitting down—at tables. Two Englishmen, in measured comfab C;over their glasses. Three or four strides distant a son of Erin dwelling over his potation, cocking a curious ear toward the duo, whose conversation murmurs on the best English tradition—without any; highlights. The listener-in, . finding audition baffling aaid exasperating, is unable to endure it. longer. He fortifies his nerve with, another gulp" of 'whisky, rises, marches across to thei other 'occupied table, thrusts a 1 jutting chin into the surprised faces of the Englishers, and demands of them? "What's that you said about Ireland?" He is quietly and civilly informed that the pair had not even mentioned Ireland, really. "No?'.'he snarls. "Isn't Ireland well worth talking about* " POSTED . . .MISSING. . "Billjim."—Fails by a fraction. Thanks for appreciative remarks. .. ; "E.H."—The answer to your inquiryis no; not yet. May como some day when confidence returns singing and, dancing. P.M.—Doubtful. Will have anotheq look^at it. Tho''weakness ia in technique. ■"Embryonic."—Very much so, if you; gc'fc our meaning. , ■ John D. (Palmerston North).—We'll let you into the secret: all the matter not signed is our own, for what it "is", worth, arid occasionally we fall back on a pen-name. "Spottawa."—We feel • that way; aboirt Ottawa that even if Bernard Shaw wrote a local for this column: on that subject we'd refuse to pass it on to> the censor. "Olj-mpic."—Nearly passed the fullback, but you fumbled the ball at Jh» last moment. " S.G.T.—May be able to -squeeze it in one of these days. . ■ ■ " Okie."—Not so, my friend. .*■' * ■ * ■VMIDI, ROI.DES ETES." I have been • discussing the recent gendarme action against nude bathers iii Paris, with Alphonse Daudet and the rotund Pope who owned the mule with the retentive memory and the kick that kept for vseven years.. They tell iae tha .world has not grown any easier in tho mind since 1850, when .they were both,' ;(and mule)) arrested for sunbathing outside Malimes.in'Tourainc. So say they, speak they., tell they the talc. . At Chois le Roi, the sun was king Of all a, summer's day. . No goldim ■cream cojild cool his sting; The hundreds, who "were worshipping ■Just bakod and scorched away. From Chais le Boi to Paris Town The smell of cooking went. The tallcliefs in their linen crowns, Burnt rubSber tires, but could not drown.." . That penetrating.scent. ; The geudarmes fled in, crimson cars, Following \<xp the smell, ' -.■ . With knives and forks and. many * jar . ■ . - ' ■Of tunny fish and caviare, ' And ringing idinner bell. And each one* vowed that well h» knew • The dish his Jniifc would dart in: "'Tis shattered crab with cream ot , glue!". - ■■•."• "What rot. . . It's rat and peacock: stew, With dynamite* au gratin!" Along the beaah the bathers lay Like lobsters rodly shining. Alas, tho fierce gendarmerie! They wept and flung their forks away^, And thought no wore of dining. • They took them Ixack to Paris Townj With loud fanfaro;nading. . The Judges creaaad their brows ia frowns, • ■ And fined the swimmers : 'twentjj crowns ' For cruelly masqwradiug. (As a three-course dinner.) . MI^ETA GABBO. * «" * "♦ ANOTHER "LASW WORD." ' Flage, reverend stfr, —I enjoyed client's contribution, "aidn't know it was loaded" last word's. Here is1 something different and dinkuni. Many readers will have known, and man 3' more have heard of, "The Whiffler," that famous eccentrically; humorous Wellington character of some forty years ago. ' My friend Charlie, who styles himself 'the truthful storyteller,' relates that even, when The Whiffler was—like Callag-han—on his last logs, he maintained his own peculiar humour, even to the bittor end. So one evening when it was obvious that there was no hope for him,, the doctor sympathetically broke the news that ho "would not see the night through.." The Whiffler with difficulty lifted a trembling hand, pointed hia forefinger to the ceiling, and with a wry smile on his grim old features, 1 uskily replied:— . . "I'll be up with the lar\c in the morning"! And so this qmeer old soul winged his fearless way to where we hope he will be better understood. * slim: jim.