POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 47, 24 August 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

It isn't difficult to multiply our primary products; the trouble i$ that so many of our customers cannot afford

to purchase them,

Noted that Sir Apirana Ngata, wha returned from the Cook Group the other day, refused to be interviewed. And nj a politician, too!

SCOTCHED!

Dear Percy Flage,—l . was content, plating joining up with the mystery, train one of these days, but I see they were led last Sunday by pipers playing the bagpipes. That's scotched it.

ALTJEED.

AESTHETIC OLYMPIADS,

It is a fact that you never can- tell, l.wo weight-lifting events, light and heavy, opened the Olympic programme at Los Angeles. Each was won by a Frenchman. One was a teacher ot dancing; the other a dealer /in * gambling house!

DOUBLE ENTENDEE,

"Amos-'n-Andy": When, Mollisoa completes his self-appointed transatlantic job it will be a great boost for aero science, and look at the plasters of display advertising his backers, oil and steel, will give tha newspapers! .

' HOW DO YOU SAY IT!

Heretofore we have pronounced Xos Angeles, whence our Olympians are returning "Los" (to rhyme with boss") "Anglease,"buta Californiau jongleur (who should know) correct* us in this wise:—

The lady would remind you, please Her name is not Lost Angie Lees, Nor Angie anything whatever. She hopes her friends will be so clever To share her fit historic pride That "G" shall not be jellified.? "O" long, "G" hard, and rhyme with' "yes/ And call her fair "Loose Ang-el-ess."

For confirmation we intend to I'o'oK up that noted linguist with the team, "Dorrie" Leslie.

THE TRIP'S OFF.

Dear Mr. Plage,—

Apropos that note in "The Post" stating that as there is a shortage of single men in relief camps up Taranaki way the P.W.D. is considering importing a number of celibates from Wellington, to make up the quota, Gertie Golightly and myself would like to know if the girls of Taranaki clubbed together to have that par. put in Saturday's "Post." We girls were thinks ing.of making a trip up there, but—. we 'ye changed our mind. Yours breezily,

"I. .ASKEW.'* ♦

LET'S HATE A CHANGE.

Dear Flage,—Mayn't we hare » change of -drinks? Can't we have a tea, cocoa, coffee, or pink soft drink' epic for those like myself who think that wine is a mocker and strong drink enraging? Here's a lead. Yours, N. E. BKIATE. ; Beer's just beer, and as for sherry, It's thin and wishy-washy . . . .T»rjv Port wine disposes you to gout, , Stout is inclined to make one stout, There are not any kind of gins But harbour desperate vitamines, And the aceompanient of whisky Is, as a rule, yarns broad and risque, Absinthe's green h . . ~ and vander« hoom Next day tastes like the dust of doom,' Cocktails are popular until You suddenly feel strange—and ill. ! There's no abiding joy in rum, And vodka makes the moujik gluni And sing the Volga Boatmen song In dirge-like passion, loud and long. Sake's a most distressful juice, •- Kava—the real thing—is the deuce, Out on such fierce libations; I

Swill oatmeal water when I'm dry, Varying that drink occasionally * With coffee, cocoa, or strong tea.

EEPOETED FEOM WAIPTTKUEATJ;

MANX PIGS.

Three pedigree weaner pigs, as a re* suit of a severe frost, lost their tails* The tails turned black, and despite care« ful treatment, dropped off. The valu« of the pigs lias, as a result, depreciated; "But, talking of frosts, one can hardr ly call that severe," said one of the' World War winners. "Where I coma from the only way they caa bury theii; people is in the following manner;— The body and ground being so harj they have to cut off the feet, sharpen thq legs, stand 'em on end, and a sledgt hammer does the rest."—Tours, ete^ TOil PEPPEK, '• * * * '

SOLOMON SAYS.

Now Solomon's mind was broad and high, . It was deep and clear as the autumS sky, ■ . "" And he knew it. He said, "Vm $ mighty king; : I have knowledge _, and riches anjf everything; r ' :: Of the -wine of life I have drained the, cup; ', And, gentlemen, hero is my summii» up" . -.

(And he added, "I do not include th"(r ladies, for I'm sorry to say there are none, I have not found one under the sun):—• "Wisdom I've plumbed; I_have gauged insanity, ~ And all is vanity, vanity, vanity! " 'Tis true that the sinner will rvuj his'sin, But 'tis true that the best does not always win, At the end of their short, swift, cloudy; day, ' '< The foolish and wise die the selfsame way..

The strong will rob, and the weak will sob, . But if you would be happy, be true to. your job. Do a good day's woik, and enjoy your, tea: ■

All the rest is not worth a straw," said he.

This is Solomon's ivord, in indelible . ink. Was he right, do you think?

TAKEN FROM LIFE.

Dear Percy Flage,—

Who -will deny the vigilance of our "Wellington policemen after this onef Two business men returning home from a meeting on a recent rainy night cast pitying glances toward two ladies waiting (in the rain!) for a tram— and promptly stopped their car and extended an invitation to "hop in the back" for a run home. But a policeman overheard. "Move on, you fellows," he called, "none of that!" And the bobby, who wouldn't listen to any explanation, was responsible for the ladies still waiting in the rain.! Do you think lie should be promoted or disrated? " -

\ "MORFOK."