POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 19, 22 July 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

That ten-minute limit fixed for the opening speeches of delegation, leaders at the Ottawa Conference may help them to realise what it feels like to get the axe. * # ♦ We read that a London dentist, following a lead, has installed a radio set in his surgery. Inci-dental music. *. * » SMOKE SCREENS. Mr. Baldwin's "great cherrywood" ana "Jinzmie" Thomas' briar lend a goodfellowship savour to the news from Ottawa, but the sensation of the gathering would be for that noble patrician, Stanley M. Bruce, to be seen in public blowing clouds from a well-seasoned "clay." *, • • PREHISTORIC. , ■ ■ '■ Mr. Goo. linn's "Chronicle of Important Events" says: 1885, 30th Nov. ember—Auckland railway station opened. • . ■ It dues not mention the opening of ■ Wellington railway station. The chronicle only goes back to the "Tim* of the Moa." . RJ.P. * ♦ * MUSICAL MOMENT. Dear Percy Flage,—l gather from your occasional cold silence that, you are not dealing in matters sensational. However, I forgive you. How's thist Heard about this fellow Handel? (Was it he, or was it Haydn?) None to him could hold a candle As musician. We- are laden With abuse because we've gone, Quite unthinking, on aud on Past his bicentenary (Just whatever that may be). But why are they with anger seething f We shall celebrate his teething! ARAWA. ..,'■* ♦ , #■:..■.: IN THE NEWS. Dear Flage,—As reported from'that hive of athletic industry, Los Angelesf Fonbister, in a training spin or»r the Olympic course of more than 62 miles, recorded a time which, compared favourably with the me Tecord'-for the course. .', . . Do you think he dia this BEFORE or After Breakfast! Example of vehicular insobriety: FARMER DRUNK WITH LOSSY. Don't you think farmers ought to stop drinking lorries these'sad times! ■ BUSTER. » •• * . • .... «NOBLEBSE OBLIGE." ' "McHogan" obliges with another:— It was during the half-time interval of a Rugby match. The wind was from the south . . . bitterly cold to be sure, but in reality the wind has nothing to do With this story. Midfield thirty players and a referee were observing an English tradition (or is it an imposition?) of, the grand old ; game, shivering and sucking oranges - . . . and in reality that, too,-hasn't anything to do with my story. A lady up on the bleachers fumbled ~; for some length in; her bag .; . . then, at last she produced rather a de-crepit-looking "bumper" . . .she.lit it '.' . . and forthwith dreamily sht» worshipped at' the shriae of Lady Jftt.'-.., Rather a beery-looking fan on hej; { Tight noticed.production of the smoke,' . and' quite friendly-like remarked, " 'Struth, miss, is all that wot yer can muster? . . . I've gotta whole pocketful of much better 'bumpers' if they're any good to yer." % •-'.*■'■*.... A LEAF OF MAPLE. There are wonderful doings in Ottawa - now, . . '.-..'.■;■ Oh, what would you give- to be there, To see all the delegates circling the table, Each looking as wise and as good as he's able, ■ While the world waits and listens for; wireless and cable As the chairman is taking the.chairf There is brave Mr. Bennett, the gen« erous host, . ~ • ' Crying "Welcome to Canada, all! . Hero gather in peace, with your para* phcrnalia, , Like the Kouians of old to the great) Saturnalia, Welcome Africa, Britain, New Zealand, Australia, We are kindred,, whatever befall!" Oh, it's there that the problem is safe - to be solved, That the great will grow out of the smail, From the zone of the pine to the land of the palm, It is there the world-storm is converted - to calm; It is there that the lion lies down wiU the lamb,— AM the lamb is not nervous at all. Then listen to Ottawa, beautiiMl 0* tawa! > She is calling all over the world, With the wing>d voifl* Iff wireless, Swift-sweeping aai tireless, "For tTie foodteH and tireless, Tho banner ef Hope is unfurled!* Oh, iisfen to Ottawa, glorious Ottawa*; For never shall perish heif fame! When the last of our race with old ag«l has grown hoary, North, south, east, and west they will, tell the proud story, How the great British Empire retrieved her lost glory,— ■. . . And they'll crown it with Canada* Iname. • ' i '■' ' *■ * #~'". WINSTON IS WANING. Mr. Flage,—You'ro right in thati whatsit'sname about Winston Church, ill's "seeing it through" a glass dark* , ly. Dead right. "Winnie I'is something of a. brummagem Admirably Ciichton who has been found out. 'In: other words he is a shell-case of #. : "fizzer." Ei»n many of his social brothers, the Tory back-benchers in the Commons have begun to "poke • fun ''at .him,' and not covertly, either* A caso in point. A few weeks ago * measuio smelling of beer was before the House, with Churchill supporting it—& privato member's Bill. Georga Lansbnry, Opposition Leader, pulleft Churchill's arguments to piqees so satirically that even scores of die-hard Conservatives weru moved to join in the applause against the ever-so-serious Churchill. Stung, he petulantly referred to Lansbury as the "so-called leader of the so-called Opposition, whiclr brought Lansbury to his feet with a sharp reference to Churchill's "sheer audacity and effrontery." And thtm —"Who is this Churchill?" he demanded, "that he insists on the right to speak? 1 may tell him what ought to have been said to Mm years ago. Ha usurps a position in this House as though he had the right at any moment Ito make his speech and leave the place las though Gold Almighty hnd [spoken, . . ." And the Tory backj benchers once again roared their asscul. "Winnie's" a busted flush. "BARNACLE BILL." ;