POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 11, 13 July 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

bcores and scores of tradesmen were not at Trentham to-day, but their money was—without1 their, knowledge or consent. ~ . " ' * •"■"■■••" ' - ■'•- "Post" heading.— STRAWS'IN THE WIND. Straws in the hair are worse. " ' *■ ■ ♦ . • ■ : Have you noticed tho City Council's placard on the trams? It tells everyl)6dy to visit tho Zoo, because it it "full of interest." Evidently Councillor Senrple is mistaken in. saying that there is nothing in it., :'.'■;,■ ■ ■ . ' "'-'.-V- O.E, ««■ » . . WELL, WELL. ■• "Turf conferences "may call it;, what they like (comments "Ambs-'n'-Andy"), but the wife's mother, who is a regular client of art unions, is hot for it that this racing game is not Bomueli an industry as a s-industry." ' ~»■■•• ."■' ■ • . FORCED INTO DEPBAVITYt ' ' Now that tho governing body of ra<* ing has declared once more against relegalising the bookmakers, some "hardriding" owners and trainers will simply >*Veto continue br6aki*g the law—to the further laceration, of their conscience. It just shows you. • :•■■». : »■ '■: PROBABLY SEAiYHAMS. Authentic, advt. in the New Roehelle (New York) "Standard": "My dog, 'Peggy .Joyce,'' stole somebody's ham to feed her puppies; I will be glad to replace same if, owner will communicate^ with me ana. describe the ham, 43, Broadview avenue;" .■■■■•■: . '■'■ ■•■■.'•... *; ,« .. ~:»:'': :'■; ':. '■■ ■•■■■■ •■■' ■ "AGONISERS." From the "agony" column of thi "Daily Mail," London:-— ■ y . .C.—Saw. your, yellow car in woodi yesterday. Is the moth trying to score* his wings* Why not see me and explain ?—Thistledown. , ■ ■. .; _.X.—Suppose you think again. I'nt tired of being known only as Mrs. K'i husband.—Henry. :: ' ' -. Rumba.—As Cleopatra said to Antony— comprenez? and if you canwhen, where?—Babs. • _A.8.C.—12345654321, and over agaia. War is hell—and so are you. Why no word?— Martin. , ■ '■..' ~ '■•'■ '. - * '• ■-.'' POSTED ... MISSING. " , NJP.T.—Bright postscript, W, it might hurt somebody. .-., You comprehend? "Fishen Chips."—Both a trifle staltt and unpalatable. ■ '.- ..- ■ ■.-...; '.'Minnow."— Creditable effort; still not-quite up to the mark. ....... .■■;:. " Mutt (Miramar).—Misses. Let old Jeff try his hand. "T.N.T."—Ominous initials. . Your melody too. explosively personal. For this column, you must never, never be serious. v-'<Alimony."—That one was growa iip when Queen Victoria was *t her : p£ak.. ...-•■,..,., -,-'■ ..-...'. ,v: ..-. '"John D."—Our'city organist" has had a fair run in this feature. Mustn't overdo anything, you know... Dump."—Better not, this time. Fossick around some more. ' ■ •.' »■ . '♦•*■•■ -,: WE'RE "ON THE SPOT." ■■■ Comrade Flage,—We have decided that you must die. True, you haven't said anything against ua Bolshevik^ but you didn't stop the others from insulting us, and, anyway, you're the only literary chap whose name we know. Therefore you must dut. • " A bomb will annihilate you as you enter the."Evening Post." Should that fail,, you will be decoyed into .Haining street and garrotted. . If you. should prove nndesirous of going to Haining street, we will send you a katipo marked 'Tlowers, with care." You would oblige us by waiting for the.bomb and thus saving us considerable trouble. ■■ We will make the execution as speedy and as painless as possible, but should we make a measy job of it, don't, blant* us. Wo are, sure you won't. •, •Yours, signed in blood (a curse o* this typewriter—it hasn't a red ribbon). BUMPIMOEF. . V; . '"..* * * : "THE APE-MAN." ■ (In'reply to "Mary Ann,") The ape-man's tastes were simple and his wants were very few, ■ : He. stayed inside his dwelling when. the stormy weather blew-; He kept a warmed-up cave right down. the bottom of the yard,. And stocked- it up with bones and things for when the times were tiard. He didn't have to wake up «very morning' by the clock, He didn't lose his collail-studs, no hole . was in his sock;. \ . . ~. Ho didn't knock his chilblains up against the bathroom door; And his razor never ever, slipped and ; bathed his face in gore. I guess he never caught the train, his breakfast in his ..and, ' • He never saw a dress-suit, and never heard a band. . .; , ■ . : I wonder, O, I wonder, did he know th» dentist's chair, Did he ever clean his teeth, or cut his ' mop of matted hair. -■••■. "PARSONSONIA." ••' •'■ • * ■ '• »'-.■ ••■ . ■■..-■• DELIRIOUS DIVINING. The hut's, rectangular purple shadow quivered on the glare white ground baok'o' Bourke. One .pint of water left in tho. water-bag.. "Toss y' ter see who goes down ter ther Bogan ter fill 'er," drawled 'Erb. "Heads you.go, Lightnin', tails I go." The penny they tossed stood on its' edge ahd.'melted, so they didn't know who had to'go. "I'm pretty good with ther divinin' rod," ventured Lightnin'. "Course,1 there's & lot in usin' 'em, y' know, but" / ..;. He picked up a piece, of fencing wire and started to divine. "Must be water somewhere nearer than ther Bogan River." There must have been, for the wire almost tore,itself out of Lightnin's hands trying, to< get to it, but the old fellow hung on like, grim death. ■ It was, macabre^that tusslo of; twisting wire, muscle,, and whisker. At last, with an, upward sweep,; triumphant it flailed over Lightnin's head, and dragging him along with it made for the wilga tree under -which hung their waterbag. 'Erb stumbled along after, swearing in profound admiration. 'In'front of tho bag tho wire jerked Lightnin' to a full stop and streaked ' but of his hands, burning his beard as it passed, darting and twisting down the mouth of the water-bag, which it ripped from, top to bottom. Their last pint of water gurgled to the ground. "Fancy, fancy J» exclaimed Lightnin' breathlessly. He looked around for appreciation. ' "V* can see, 'Erb, that' thorc's a terrible lot in a divinin' rod!". '■'.'.■ ' '- ! . "Yairs," said ?Erb bitterly, "an' I can see there's not a flamin' drop in ther water-bag, loo.". . ■■. « MEETAGAEBp.'.