POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 97, 26 April 1932, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment \

BY PERCY FLAGE

O.H.M.S. (uew interpretation): "Oh, have my salary," or, as they are saying up the road, "Oh, H—, my salary!" \ * * * It is understood that Mr. Lang is uawilling to go to the country. It is probably the coming back that is worrying him. * *..-■»; METHOD IN HER MADNESS. That domestic servant who read and wrote things backward, and generally saw things upside down, was 'either born 'before her time or belonged (under the rose) to the ultra-ultra Nmodern, aesthetic movement. * ■ ♦■...■■■# CARILLON. MURMURS. Dear Percy Flage,—Heard- in the crowd at the Carillon last sight. '' ■ Woman's voice: "There won't be a ' green stain on the Carillon tower, will there?" Later, from one of two men discussing in loud tones the merits and ! demerits of Wellington's latest laurel: j "I remember once listening to -a. 1 Carillon recital the proceedings of which. : were interrupted for some time by a i venturesome rat prowling among the ' works. The poor fellow came to a bad, ! end among the bells." . * * N^F.H.^ NO NATIONAL.HERO. > Dear Percy Flage,—Do you know that, pondering on the Lindbergh case, and wondering what would happen in the event of our national 'ero's baby being borrowed, I was staggered to discover that we have no outstanding personality in New Zealand (politicians ; exeepted). I cannot see any prospect.! at present of making good.the defiei-' ency (they've gaoled the riot leaders),' so I suggest that we import one. What price Mussolinif I understand that,, he is getting tired, and wishes to re- 5 tire. Our little muddle should Wa. breakfast appetiser for him, in his-old , age. 11l start .the fund with'sixpence, ' but please don't tell Adam, even though • it is time men learned not to park I the family watch in the hip pocket. .If the fashion loses favour, I'll have to give up prospecting. '.'".'■'■'* Mother Eve: * ■* ■•*.'■ ■■/*"'- •POSTED s . \ MISSING. 5: W-S.P.—Quite "but,^ as you^. apprehended, would iiot pass the censor^! "A Rotten Pear."—^orry; overlook- I ed the'par., and it is over-ripe now: 7 ' <J-A.—Thanks, but that taxpayer's ' lament appeared in a slightly different 1 form in this feature last .year. ' • '■; ' i That", story has beea i' published in a collection. of Maori | yarns. . i - ./-..■ -.':■ . '

"JJell'n of Troy."—Too triia and ' woolly.- Our regards to Paris. I '' M.O.»'—-Would not be: advisable to i introduce such a note just at present. "Tympanum."—That item of news! ' was. lifted from one of the most de- ' pendable of the English dailies. /'S.O.S.»»—Eemodelled, may fill a. niche when the day is appropriate. K« memory of a previous note. ' "Billyum." (Featherston).—Not up; ' try,:again. Thanks for what fou say | "of'tnb column.

"THE SQNG^OF THE CAUCUS. By*" favour of the owner we havo. j been enabled to reproduc%this rhyme. It goes "back to our legislative days. | many years ago ~. ~ how many^n'ona | can say for certain. . -- i Prom far and near, from, near and ia* T; "Wellington wo come. Two hundred golden guineas ar« Our honorarium. Three months we wrangle, pose, antf spout, Not one of us is mum, And thus we earn, without a doubt, Our honorarium. Though large deficits larger get, And everyone looks glum, * " ■' "'■ "We never will give up, you 'bet-, '■ Our honorarium. The Civil servants we'll reduce; ' They're practically 'dumb; ■. '■ I For never, never will we lose ■ ■ i Our honorarinm. ' ■ * Three notes a week! too high, too highji ' (They're but a sort of scum)j '. .Why, that is nearly up to my Small honorarium. Though husbands groan and' mothers, fret, „ 1 As debts and illness come, ' 'Tis they who have to pay the debt— ' /Our honorarium. We'll have our breakfast, dine and *up,! Drink" whisky, brandy, rum; But one thing we will ne'er give up—Our honorarium. ~. Tho' disunited as a wreck, You must not think it "hum* If all unite to get a secOnd honorarium. So, if amidst the party rush, The chance so haply comes, Wo mean to take without a blusk . Two honorariums, i __ (From the Strangers' Gallery.)' Ye noble patriots, indeed ,- You do deserve our thanks; You're leaders in our country's M«d, • Whilst we aro in the ranks; And if you won't increase our tax, Go back to whence yon come,' And stick to it, like sealing-wax, Your honorarium. "No. l.'». . • ■■■■•. '■' * LAME GOOSE STORY. Bear Percy Plage,—Many years ago* just after the Wanganni town bridge'; was opened, four young men, two o£'', them printers, went down to -the heada one fine Saturday morning on the ' Putiki side, to catch rabbits. On re*' turning home with four rabbits each, they missed their three dogs, but two came home during the night. Early on Monday morning a farmer from -near Kaitoke Lake called at tho "Chronicle'^ office and inquired for Mr. N Th« farmer said, "Now, Joe, your dogs have killed 22 of my geese, and, is ' those geese were part of my living, yon must .give me £5, or I will summons y°u-\ , J°e replied: "But how do you fenow it was our dogs thatf killed tho geese?" The farmer answered: "Because, we have your dog tied up—wo could not catch the other two. And all the geese are lying about on the grass." Joe; said: "Very well; I will fix you up next pay-day." So the farmer went home, and, I think, had a talk over it with his wife (a good lady). So two days afterwards tho farmer came back toj:he office and said: "Well, Joe, wo havo always been good friends, and I have given the geese to the Maoris for somo tiu-a (potatoes), so we will go halves and make it £2 10s." At that they adjourned to tlio Jockey Club . Hotel; Joe borrowed £3, .paid for th» goose, they had two wines each, and ! were happy ever after. ■ (All quiet on the Auckland front.) J. Claridg*.