POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 40, 17 February 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

News item culled;_from a contempor*.

"French," -said Sir James Parr in ah address recently, "is still the language of high diplomacy and international intercourse." - ' V It may bo French, but at this dis- ' tance it frequently has sounded lik«. double Dutch. .-,.'■,... . . t •'■■ • ■ ■•■ • .-■.-. '• ■* ■ -••-. •. SUGGESTION, . > Now that our middle deck trams are being converted into closed-in cars t» reduce vet seats to a minimum, etc., what about rounding off-the policy of progress by finding some means of converting the 5 p.m.;! professional shock tacticians and storme'rs into peaceable citizens? i: ■■ ♦■.':• * .. ■■. ; . ENCOURAGING SIGNS. - It is voraciously (or otherwise) reported that a considerable improvement has taken place1 in the Indian situation. : No high official has been shot or poisoned in the last few days, and only three peasants were killed., and 32 wounded, while five constables were injured, in a no-rent melee in Bengal; These signs of i waning unrest" ar« quite encouraging. '..'..- . ""• ■■■■■■ ■♦ •- ....•-■..■.*■;■: '' ■.; •' SAFE BET.. ; ■•' ": That., story, of the Prince of Wales ' acting as gymnastic instructor to his nephews in their dad's new town.house gymnasia will have a popular appeal. Apropos the fixed bicycles—we'll wager Edward P. will not fall off those as frequently as he used to somersault from his favourite hunters. • ■ ■■ -*. ■- .' * * ■ ■-. ' MODERNIST CALIGRAPHY. Wo tell this one against ourselves, whose official signature (when we aro in a hurry) is the despair of chirographists. It was a. formal note to a friend, signed dashingly.; He rang, us ' up later, captious and caustic. ."Get a typewriter," he sneered over the wire. "And who signed the: letter?',' We reassured him on that point. "That a'signature," he howled back. "More like a free drawing of a railway track, and from the way it wandered across the page I think it must be the King Country section of the Main Trunk.?' .. Now what can you do with a cha» like that?. • ; ' ■ - ■ ■....■- ■■ * * v : ■ :. ". QUEER WAT OF SHOWING IT. i We crave your pardon for further* reference to Gandhi;. but,we couldn't resist passing on this message, -which. was sent by the Mahatma to a friend at the time of his arrest: "Tell your countrymen that I hava; no ill-will against them. I am fight- ■ ;ing them out of love." ..'..■ ■ Heaven help the British Raj, then, if the little fanatic ever gets really pugnacious. ■ ' '• ■'■-.-■ ■ . ' ♦■ .'*■■■'.*■■'' ■ : ■ RETURNS WHAT?' ..; Dear Percy Flage,-— . ' , _ Why don't you answer to your Christian name like you used to ao? It was much more friendly like. I noted this heading in the market columns: of "*" th'» "Evening Post" the other' night: ; "GOLDEN DAWiST RETURNS." .- The other night a 'Very' lucid report of two-functibns of the' Optical" Assp-ciation>?^were:-reporte^.;;i:One;i fiasa: d picnic, the- other a lecture. The address was delivered by'the chairman. Let your report speak: "It concerned the probability of refractive anomalies "T I? frbm iti£es^ para-nasal1 siaus'e?, and the detection of such conditions if present. ".■■_. Could^ you tell me if this is a description of the glasses Mr. Coates uses when he sees, the golden' dawa turning the corner? If only his optimism was infectious instead •of thai para-nasal sinuses—l mean to say, .: ■:':'■..■: .'■ EROS. ■'-'■ ■ ■■■■ ■'*■.' '•;./.■-*■■■■ .':... ■ ' THEKEA; ' - ■ ' We assume no responsibility for th» accuracy or.otherwise of any ornithological assertions contained in this rhyme If inadvertently we have over-idealised the kea that is purely our affair. If w« haven't—-well .... - ■ . The -kea is a curious bird— Most curious^upon my word. .' Alone upon a rocky shelf ■ ''."■" ~~ It lives to—well, just please itself. . Even as—and this is entro nous v Some selfish male,s, and females do. ' But to our muttons to return— '•" The kea, you may like to learn ' (And inwardly digest!) can be ''■ Quite entertaining company.;:^ .: He'll hang about the camp, and kee* In ambush till you go to sleep,- . And should you leave your boots about He 11 shrewdly pick the laces out But, we are told by truthful men; ; Ho never puts them back again. Where'er there gleams an iron roof ■ He_does .not hold, but sits, aloof, '-, And like a poor moon-haunted thin* : Goes: screechingly tobogganning, • Making a noise like bagpipes which, Colloquially, have "got the stitch.'* it.doesn't sing at dawn because . , Mostly jfs sharpening: its claws, Or whetting its agnostic beak , Upon a slab of mountain peak Preparatory to murdering • ■" A tender ewe ... . the poor wee thing.. Whose sole offence is, briefly,.that It has a storoof kidney, fat : Accessible to keas, which * ' Find it digestible and rich. Yes, kidney fat to these birds is . Truly a gastronomic whizz;. \ In , other words, a noble dish Almost incredibly delish. -■ . -. Though keas, for all their natural sink Must have like us,-their vitamins, Good squatters wonder more and more What God created keas for.. '- .A.. '•■ ■* ; '■■•■ i THE NEW "JOURNALISM." ' London (to name the hub of things')' is on the verge of what the "Standard" predicts will be the "fiercest newspaper war ever known in the history of journalism." It is all over newspaper insurance benefits. The "Standard" (sister evening paper'to the "Daily Express"), estimates that the four big morning dailies, the "Daily Mail;" "Daily. Express" "News-Chronicle," and ."Herald," are spending among them at the rate of £1,000,000 per annum canvassing foe new readers. "A canvasser offers a gift in exchange for an order running for sis weeks. When the period expires, the representative of a rival newspaper offers another gift, and tie reader transfers his patronage." To this highly expensive game of "musical chairs" is now added fresh insurance burdens which, according to the "Standard," will, cost the "Daily Mail" a further £75,000 a year, the '' Express £70,000, and the "Herald" and "News-Chronicle" £50,000 . each. The picture papers, the "Sketch" and the "Mirror," are also likely to be dragged into the battle. In tlie last ten years or-so the '.'Daily Mail" has paid out a million and a. half in benefits to its readers, the "Express" about a million. And on top of the figures cited conies an intensification of the bid for circulation. And yet there still are • old-fashioned people like ourselves who believe that a newspaper, like patent clothes pegs or fly-paper, should sell ok its merits! ' "i-■■ ■■.