POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 122, 19 November 1931, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGS

Chronicle and Comment

That cable announcing a now lowlevel record, in Germany's gold reserve indicates that if the Fatherland isn't yet off gold, it's slipping. * * * SUGGESTIONS INVITED. Illuminating statement by one ofc our Wellington candidates. "A lesson to be learned is that the woollen industry should be stimulated." And another, how to stimulate the industry. * * ♦ VOICE THAT BREATHED O'EB EDEN. Up Auckland way, the Independent candidate for Eden criticised what he termed the "political courtship and recent wedding" of the United and Eeforin parties. Hasn't he heard of com* panionate marriages? * * * HONK, HONK! News from New South "Wails. It is expected that Mr. J. Gander, the endorsed A.L.P. candidate for the Reid seat, will stand down in favour of Mr. Lang. He'll bo a goose if he goes on witfci that idea. * * * HUMOUR IN HEADLINES. Mr. Plage,— News heading, "E.P.," 13/11/31. ME. COATES'S SEAT. Why hit on that for emphasis? The Labour view is, not will Appleton, but can him. A contemporary has this. TAXIMAN HURT. ASSAULTED BY FARE. I have been deeply pained myselfc several times. Yours (still seeking light), DICK SHUNIAEY. * •» • PET LOATHES. Dear Percy,—These are mine:— The Wellington practice of saying "To sit an exam." Except that few people can stand. Parliament, there is no reason why at shouldn't be "to stand Parliament." Anyway, one "lies both," doesn'lfc one? Names likl; Bowyang Bill's, who sounds as thoiigh he should know better. This word seen with personal eyes in. Wellington bus —"standees," particularly as such people are generally dashed uncomfortable, and the shades of the G.K.S. are rather startling in bnses. "Sittees," or, as they might say ia America, "settees," would have beea more reasonable, but perhaps you're still being ill? "Upholsterers who announce that "recovering" is their specialty. Anyway, it should hardly encourage trade if it's money they mean. Red-headed youths who don't wear hats. Note that 90 per cent, of all hatless men have flaming locks. Exiled Aueklander who wishes to go back there. Yours, in revolt at such as these, JACQUELIN SHANE. P.S.—You, also, if you give me that superfluous "c" again.—J. P.S. Proper.—Some other time it might help us to help one another if we told you the things we most want to know. For instance, I should die happy if I knew what else several of your clients do. —J.S. * * * MAME MONOLOGUES. r. As you all expect, the M* Clancyj dame is caught up in the swirl of big politics. She is pooling all her resources and plunging heavily on the Coalition, and the Lane, we understand, is behind her to a man. Wait till the number* go up! Well, dear, the fight is on at last. Soon will the faithless die be cast For good-'n'-ill . . . the which it seem* Will napoo 'Arry 'Olland's dreams; Like what they summerally done At 'Ome to Harthur 'Enderson. 'Arry's not arf a bad ole scout, But 'c 'as things the wrong side out. 'E ain't concerned at what 'c spends So long's hees victims ain't -hees friends. 'E's not so "red" as once ... I think 'E and hees crowd's gone "parlour pink,'' An' not too pink at that. They know—* Them clever birds —'ow far to go. They rockernise quite well that if _ Their blather scares the people stiff—• Like you-'n'-me—we'll take no chance* But promptly boot 'em on the pants. The Lane" is hinterested, hindeed, An' lookin' to me for a lead In these momentuous days. They feel That life is hearnest, life is real, But when posterity takes wings They're simple-minded, 'elpless thing* Who gallop roun'-'n'-round' like sheeg Sudden awoke from out their sleep. It's then that I come in. They guess I've got the dope on most things . , « yes. One word or two from me, an' then The gang is right as pie agen. So when December 2 has came You bet they're trailing after Maine, Votin' to keep this native land Free from the Bolshies' gropin' 'and.; So, dearie, you can plainly see The dooty that dissolves on me. , * * * AFEIKANDEE ENGLISH. Forwarded by a "Melbournite," ti rather charming example of the King'i English from a humble coloured Africaa clerk to the district officer who had sacked him: — "Kind sir, on opening this epistle you will behold the work of a dejobbed person, and a very bewifed and much childrenised gentleman, who was violently dejobbed in a twinkling by your goodself. For Heaven's sake, sir, consider this catastrophe as falling on your own head, and remind yourself on walking home at the moon's end to five savage wives and sixteen voracious children with your pocket filled with nonexistent £sd, and a solitary sixpence, pity my horrible state. When being dejobbed and proceeding with a heart and intestines filled with misery in thii den of doom, myself did greedily contemplate dupable homicide, but Him who prote.ted Daniel (poet) safe through the Lions' den will protect his servant in his home of evil. As to reason giveu by yourself esquire for my dejobment the incrimination was laziness. "NO SIE. It were impossible that myself who has pitched sixteen infant children into this vale of tears can have a lazy atom in his mortal frame, and a sudden departure of eleven pounds has left me on the verge of tho abyss of destitution and despair. "I hope this vision of horror will enrich your dreams this night, and good Angel will meet and pulverise your heart of nether milestone so that you will awaken with such alacrity as may bo compatable with your personal safety, and will hasten to rejobulftte your servant. "So note it be. Amen. "Yours despairfully, "AKONO SUBUSU." This appeal from the heart had it| effect, J^kosq W?s rejobalate^ —'■■*.