POSTSCRIPTS.

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 121, 18 November 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS.

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Imagine the Switsscrs yawning over that news announcing the termination of the battleship-building holiday. » ■ ■■■#■■ » EETEIBUTIVE SAUSAGES. Our sympathy for that German burf lav who by dolorous mischance hanged himself with a necklace of stolen sausages is discounted by the fact that f anyhow, he had had a good meal first. « * «• BELITTLEMENT. Mr. K. Semple at Miramar on Monday evening:— "I am not going to worry about my opponent. I will worry about the big things, and let the little tilings alone." i Personalities of this kind are muck to be deprecated. « ' ..■»...,# ON THE WAY? At Mr. E. A. Wright's meeting at Brooklyn. The talk was of the Upper Housed A voice: "Yes, what about 'the old men's home'?" Mr. Wright: "I will come t» that . . ." In time, no doubt, he will, and it'« a nice job if you can land it. ,■* ;■' ... .*; • .'■ .'•■ INVESTIGATipN. This one was thrown at Mr. T. Brindle, Labour candidate for Wellington Suburbs, by a woman at a recent meeting:— "Im afraid your party does not stand for privato enterprise—for people helping themselves." Well, if, under the lap, the Socialists do not stand for the Socialists "help- ' ing themselves"—and liberally at that —why call themselves Socialists? * # v • A FEW S-ELECTIONS. ■ KBKRso these elections. It seems so SEMPLE to vote, but for whom! After LUKEing at the TEOUP of candidates in thoTIELD, it almost FRABER man's nerves picking one out. Some call themselves Labour and others NASHionalists. One says ho is a CHAPMANIy and strong; one claims to have more FORSYTH than his opponents. One's arguments make M'KEEN oa him, while another's are a THORN in. my side. I ask you: Can KENNETH MACLENNAN other million or two t» ■ the cockies and still hope to win a city; seat? All these things puzzle me. Perhaps you can put me WEIGHT. I think they are all like a , boy astride DABEOCHing horse. Up he goes, down he goes; a lot of energy expended-and then? Really, I suppose they all want the plums of office, and each has aa equal chance of getting them. "A-POLL-0 NICK-O' TEEN." * » ■ •- NORTHCLIFFE KNEW. If you haven't read Tom Clarke's "My Northcliffe Diary," this story of the almost monomaniac newspaper magnate may take your fancy; especially if you aro an' inky wayfarer. , Northcliffe telephoned an editor just as he was making up tho paper, and said: "Do you know Sam Isaacs's •■ place in Covent Garden?"—: Sam Isaacs being a wholesale fruiterer. ' - : • "Yes; chief." ' - . ■. - "Well, put on your hat and'coat and go and ask him, with Lord Northcliffe's compliments,' where 'he '^puts his best apples:" ' ■' ■' "'"" r The editor —not Tom Clarke—thought ■ it was a' funny request, but he went. On his return Northcliff© again rang up: "Well, did you ask "Mr. Isaacs where ■" he puts his best apples! • What wai his reply?" - , ■ "He said he put his best apples ia the shop' window." "That's it. Put your best newi there to-night, my boy—in your' shop window, your front page." * « ♦ TOO MILD. " 'Er.bcrt" writes: —I .have just returned to this fine city of ours after being the guest of the Government at one of the tree-planting depots, and am well behind with tho news, as you can imagine. I remark that not so long ago one of our highlights of cul- • turo stirred up a hornet's nest by reflecting on the intelligence of joy-germ cultutists. The resultant correspondence was entertaining . . . and in parts significant. By a strange coincidence, my dear Flage, I came upon a parallel case of Jovian highbrowism in an American' daily. If it is not too late, I hope you will pass it on for the further consolation of the community sing folk and the consideration of our local aesthcticians. Men who whistle are usually morons, says Professor Shaw, of New York University. I seldom scoff a learned Prof, But here is one I'm pretty sore 08, "Philosophy reveals," says he, "Tho man that,whistles is a moron.* The whistler thus he psychs for usi "A dull, defeated personality Whose noise is, hence, a more defence To screen his very low mentality. A nuisance, yes, Professor, S.; A pest, a scourge to slam tho doMP on; A fiend, a pain, a ghoul, a bane, Why let him off as just a moron I Now, don't you think that's rating neat? * • • EEJOINDEE. Dear Percy,— Verily a case' of using a .microscope t,o study the stars! The infinite is lost in the process! So it is that lack of a, few words of location and mathematical accuracy, loses "practically .all the beauty and . • . force of the original . words."- I am indebted to "Ejcss" for-supplying the correct quotation from Hendrik van Loon's "Story of Mankind." It is fully eight years since I read the book, which I did not have with mo at the moment of writing. ' I had therefore to use my memory to illustrato the point I wished to convey. I fancy "Ejcss" would be quite at home in the midst of a, discussion like this: First Prpfessor: "I say there is no meaning in mean." Second Prof.: "You mean no meaning in what meaning is meant to mean." First Prof.: "I don't mean there may be no meaning in what meaning is meant to mean, but no meaning in what meaning means." Second Prof.: "Ah, yes; now I see wliat you mean. It was in the 17th century that Rena Descartes produced the Cartesian philosophy, Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I exist). Nearly 300 years have elapsed since then, and in the meantime we have learned to have regard for the embracing spirit rather than the. narrow letter. 1 don't think "Eldee Babyaustin" can say I am not doing my best to start an "ink shimozzle.* 1