POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 82, 3 October 1931, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

We" note that a Northumberland architect*is predicting buildings of rubber. They can't come too soon for us. We'll save quite a, lot when, the rear end of our garage is clastic. « » « A furniture, polish now on the market reminds a client of this one. When Gloria Swansoß, the Sin* star, crossed the Channel to J?aris one Sunday night, she sent, on arrival the wire that follows: —"Sic transit. Gloria. Mundi. * M ■>< HIT-AND-KUN MABRIAGES. We read, that there is a possibility of the famous smithy at Grotna Green being abolished and shipped to America "because of increased assessment duo to the improved business it has attracted of late." Well, if the historic old marital tie-forging show does go to the States, the obvious location for it will be handy to Reno. . \ * *r .•. . ■■: ■' HOW? News item from England: A recent "London Gazette" announced that • receiving Order had been filed against Lord St. John of Bletso, the 18th. baroa, company director and big landholder. Oh, dear, my, Lord St.; John of Bletso, How caa an eighteenth, baron getso? ■ •■•■ . ■'■ . *'' *: .' .■ * ■ '. -■■ 1 CASE IN POINT. Belevant to the "more light than heat" controversy at present raging over our free place system, we are still of the opinion that it is mighty difficult, if not a waste of time and money, trying to stuff a third-rate intelligence with a first-rate education. For example* look at what has happened to us . . . the conductor of this somewhat doloroui feature. ■ ■■■■,#■■ »■ * ; WHEEE WAS SHEABEK* Dear Perc, — Eeferring to curious names. In 1905 at Timaru there were three-firmf. of tailors, and their names were:— ' ' Lincoln. ■■■ , ■ Bamm. '-V "■ '■' M' '' Lamb. , From such a flock^ nothing but purl) wool could be expected. > ■f Yours truly, ■"■ ■:: G.B. ' ' SCHOOL'S IN. ;■' Holding earnest converse over a* Auckland "doubles" chart, the General Knowledge Squad dawdles on to parade; barges into the Sam Maj., and con* ducts a strategic retreat at the double* Did you know that ■ ■ (1) Unscientifically speaking, the rea» bou that owls hoot is because/ they! were born like that,. and cannot rid themselves of the habit?, (2) Beeently a Blackburn (England) chemist was asked for four ounces each of duck fat, dog fat, and tiger fat? Some amateur necromancer, pos« sibly. v. .■ ' ' -.'.,■. ~ ...... ■ (3) ; Bible classes and wireless ara fast replacing drinking bouts as the entertainment of the "hard-bitten" members of the French Foreign Legion f (&) John Drinkwater, author, dramatist and poet, comes of a family wha were innkeepers in England for centuries? What's in a name! ■ (5) All that your average Scotsman can do when in a quandary or a crisis is to sife tight! But that comes easy) to a Scot. (6) We rather incline to this? , "A statesman is supposed, to M familiar with all public questions," ''Yes," replied Senator Sorghum? "but not necessarily with all thai answers." ■ /'■■', (7) The rabbit is the nearest known relative of the elephant? That must; be the reason why they so rarely confabulate. (8) Albert Einstein, inventor '(?)ofl relativity, goes on record as having said: "Since hearing some formal speeches, I've got a new idea1 of inUnity"? ~-......■ ,(9) The group of figures set out bi:» low can be read to make a sentence! with a heartening message? 1,121,790. Think that out, and let's heap aboul it. , : ■ " ' '■,■;■■ ■*...* .'.'•' * '!' -. ■ TBAYELOGUE, . As-major, domo in charge of this pel* sonally conducted \tour, we have deem*, ed it incumbent onVus to warn the sim-ple-minded traveller against letting themselves go too easily in PortSaidt which is no ohautauqua, believe ut. Hence these inadequate lines. As the oil feed's .pretty ] right now, We had best'resume our'flight now. There ?s. Port Said, a rather rorty, Sporty—nay, extremely naughty— Town, that fairiy takes the biscuit. Shall wo drop down there and risk it? Once you've been thero you can pick it Is, as sailors tell you, wicked, And the greenhorn and untravellcd Tourist usually gets gravelled By some stroet-parading follow, Biinit-toast browji or saffron j eJlow, Thoro arc Cingalese and, Arabs Selling heayon-knows-Rbw-old isearab% Culturod, spindle-shanked Egyptians, Syrians—rogiios of all descriptions— Men of all kinds of religions Who creep round there plucking "pigeons." For a douceur that will suit your Purae, they will foretell the future. Some most plausible Abdullah, With dark eyes and "psychic" colour Will approach and beg your pardon (Just in case your heart you harden^ And you grow warm neath the collar), And for, maybe, half a dollar, Promise you, say, in September, 'Something nice you will remember. Then up comes his mate, quite gobcr, Warning you that next October Is your fateful month, and when he , Tells you that your joys are many, i If you will let him foresee them— | Why, it 'a time to up an* flee them, ' Port Said's littered with ustrologists* Crystal-gazers, nnmerologists, Not to mention other dangers Which await confiding strangers. *. . # COLD KEASON. Dear Plage,—Here wo are again liv* ing up to the old family name. Th«j fact is I havo just-discovered'the curaj for unemployment* Tho idea cornea from Germany and was reproduced ii} your paper thus: DESPERATE PLIGHT. I GEBMANY AtUST EXPOBT. FOUB MILLION UNEMPLOYED. Just what we arc looking for; let's tell honest George. Problem is whero shall we sond them? Most of them in the course of their job hunts have bfien told'where to go, but they don't want to be swinging fchoveli til their lives. Besides, just think of the climate. Let's export them to the South Pole* Nj bother about cold storage, no dim* culty getting used to the climate. They're stiff enough naw, and, they have been doing a freeze for some time. Ac fof me and mine, I'd love to go, but some* ono must stay behind and put th» scheme through. Besides, who would, look after Calamity Castle? WbM| think \ you, Percy mine? : ; .Tours ever, ■■ : • I , PERCY, [rTBRlfc.