POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 7, 8 July 1931, Page 9

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FL/.GI

Hat's off to Hoover

Reading about that tempest which swop' over Sydney, we felt rather anxious about Mr. Lang's £500 yacht. Did it slip its moorings, or is it waiting till its master does'

Wo notice that Mr. W. J. Poison, M.1., has propounded with characteristic confidence and at some length a scheme for our salvation. Anyway, it will lie handy for him to have on the file when his grandchildren climb on his chair years hence and ask: "What did you do in the great 'jaw' granddad?" * « # - CRICKETER'S GUYED. "II" has hit upon an undis-puted fact in these memorable lines:— We in New Zealand do pause, When awaiting the cricketing scores;' Then down comes the rain To upset us again, And they end up in bloomin' old draws. «• ri * ' . » INQUIRE WITHIN. "21,648."—Thanks, but we have already worked on that. "E.OR."—And more, please. "Karaka Bay."—Watch out for that metrical afterthought. "J.M."—Some good points. . . but your jingling skill leaves something to be desired. \ [ "Connecticut."—But-you just fail to ' connect, which is a pity. ' "Eldeo Babyaustin."—ldentity did ' not occur to us, but does it matter so ' much as that? An atrocity at the expense of the "still-vexed Bermootnes" . . . artistic bilge ■ for the light-wits. Our thanks, and more of those, if we i may. **~ , "Hard-upp" (Newt/own).—Yes, we i really must have another limerick , tournament soon. Those nice word* i leave us suffused with blushes. "M.G.T."—No "spoof" about tha* I one; it was a charming fact. [ '■..-* ■■ '■' *"'.•■'_•*.•'■ UPSIDE DOWN. Percy,— What do you know about this? Yo* may havo noticed that an admirable ; contemporary of yours, discoursing oil , a certain part of Australia, declared:] , "Their weather behaves'in a most i upside-down manner." This, I under- : stand, is really most awkward until one gets used to it. For instance, one has to acquire the art of wearing an urni brella.on one's feet. And then there i is the wind; blows straight down, and has a bad habit, on really boisterous ■ days, of jamming one's hat down over one's eyes—beastly nuisance. Somo--1 times, I suppose, by way of a change, it blows straight up—but perhaps we • had better not continue the conversa--1 tion any longer. By your grace, I may explain later what is wrong with! ' our meteorological expert.— Yours, ■ PERCY VEEE. * * .# \ "BOIL IT DOWN." Hero is a story primarily for hardY bitten newspapermen,. though client* generally are permitted to listen- in. When ChaTles A. Dana (later of thai ■ "Sun") was managing-editor of•the \ New York "Tribune,", he received ; from Joe Howard, who was covering ; the Civil War, a telegraphed description of a great battle. Howard began! with the exordium: "To God Almighty be'all the glory! • Mine eyes "have seen the , i ■ work of the Lord and the cause of the righteous hath triumphed," i with more of tho same sort (says tho commentator), followed by the words: "The Army of the Potomac i has won a great victory." A day i or two afterwards he received a leti ter as follows: "Hereafter, in. sending your reports, please specify the number of the hymn and save telegraph ' expenses.—Charles A. Dana." i That was bright of Mr. Dana, but '. what if the emotional Joe had forgotten t to pack his hymnody in his porWmmyf, i ' * * V L , CUTSWhat follows is not necessarily t<s be construed as cutting remarks. We > are only thankful that we are not book* •ed for a stellar performance ; in. the) L "Street of a Thousand Cuts," (locale, 1 China), where, tied to a stake, you are minced (so to speak) with a, nice sharp ' chopper until you simply don't care iX ' you are standing in your bones. With ; which— 1 We've felt the deadly uppereut , That sometimes leaves the optic shut. The undercut we kuow . ..have smelt. It's not a blow below the belt; To think so is a grave mistake. It's precious meat that boviuos make, When, caught young, they are tended right. For ravenous mankind's delight. Then thero's the cut the best girl gava 1 Because you didn't quite behave; i That must not bo confused, you Tunoxr. With cutlasses—a hefty blow From which, above, below, the, knecs^ 1 Is sure to cause you some dis-ease. ' A eutpurse may bo cuthroat, too; Which may be news to some of you. [ A woodcut is a woodcut, but A cutlet's not a little cut. '■ We're cut up when some gloomjj ; "tough" Descends on us, and cuts up-rough. ' We're cut up as it is, in sooth, !■ And that is just the gospel truth, ' Because —and here we feel a pain—• ; George Forbes may cut and come agall* '■- • ' . * * * i • LITERARY NOTE. , This is the work of a client whosa , postscript name has unaccountably dis- '• appeared. "It is our delightful task this week; ! to bring to tho notice of our readers tho first and only work of our rising i young New Zealand authoress, Miss i Cole-Windy .Chivers. 'Miss Chivers . (who was, we understand, bom and educated in Hataitai), has produced a work (Rich Men Be Poor, S v.o. octo), which we earnestly assert will create ' nothing less than a disturbance iv higher literary circles. ■ , With her assiduous pen she has created before our eyca with devastating effect and stark realism the direct moral consequences of the 10 per cent, cut on the family fortunes of one John Smith, a higher Cir*'l Servant, his wife, his two daughters, his mother-in-law, and his relations. We are shown with unerring directness and psychological skill and- most ~ disconcerting truth, the slow decline, the family sacrifices (including car), the upsotting of domestic harmony, the curtailment of luxuries—and tho inevitable final crisis of the Smith family iv tho closing chapters.' To those of our readers whose aim it is to indulge in serious thought we recommend Miss Cole-Windy driver's book as a conipanion for the fireside daringla. cold an 4 wet. southerly,"