POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 3, 3 July 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERC PLAGE

Noted that "Australian finance i« rounding the corner." Probably only on its hands and knees as yet; but still, that is better than leaning against th» usual lamp post and waiting for tht corjier to round itself.

CANE -'EM. Passed along to us from that nobl« journal, the "Education Gazette":— SCHOOLS AND WOBK. USB OF SUPPLEJACKS. And the worse work, the greater us« of the supplejacks'? '•

AULD LANG Whatever you may think of Mr. Lang's ethics, this may fairly be said-" Steadily Lang proceeds from bad t» .worse, To judge him on his latest machinations. Having dipt deeply in the people'* purse, He's taxing heavily the public'• patience.

. HERE'S AN ANAGRAM. Dear Percy,— A London journal asked its reader! how' many names they could fashion from that of Tallulah Bankhend, using only tho same letters. Tha results were so amusing that I should like to know what wonders your clients could perform with Mischa Levitski. I.give them a little encouragement with Kismet Lazivieh. Now, Percy, I am one up on you. Get out your old Oxford Concise and beat that. Trusting your hens have now rt» sumed laying. - t " - Yours ever, ■'..■- ' JUMBO. ,

CONUNDRUM. One of our most versatile clients— ours "to the last count," he avers-* passed on this conundrum and answer* Can you tell me why A hypocrite's oyo ■ Can better descry Than you or I, . Upon how many toes A pussy, cat goes? . ' . A man of deceit can best counterfeit, And so, I suppose, can best count hef toes.

BALD FACT. ; "That'beetle-back'yarn .was not ton dusty, (though the 'tails' were),'.' writes "Reginaldo," "but here's on« which is good enough to match It. Th« hero was Cliff Porter, the occasion a. southern tour. Cliffy as you may know, has a polished dome which tho referee can scarcely miss when tho sun is out on the job. Well, Cliff had that noble shield with him at the'time what happened did happen. Mine host in Christchurch had set apart a table, or tables, for the team. Along' with, some of his comrades, Porter was just settling" down to business when a waiter gilded along; and touched him on the shoulder. 'Hey,' he accosted the skipper; 'you're no footballer. Hop it to another table; this is for tho team. C'mon now'. Porter looked up at the man . . . then suddenly it dawned on him and the rest of the fighting nien. simultaneously. The roar that followed would hate split the empyrean if the ceiling had not intervened. You could scarcely blame the attendant. Bald heads are not usually associated with All,Black 'bailers."

SPLASH COMING. '- v The catch in this water-wagon bußiness is that you are likely to hit « boulder on the straight and narrow way that leads (we understand) to tht P.O. Savings Bank. Still, it's jolly, riding for a while, we give you our Word, but don't ever make a habit of anything. We're on the water-wagon That rumbles down the street, Far from the foaming flagon, Perched on,the old box scat. Our scattercash days are ended, Our conscience once more cleW}' We feel a surplus splendid "Will be ours late nest year. Frankly we do not grudge it— This sacrifice. You must knoir We've got to square our budget j Like Mr. Forbes and Co. By Moloch, Chemos, Dagon, And false gods of.their kind. We ride the water-wagon; Who likes, may tag behind. Though some may deem it funny And hard to understand, We've cut out bridge for money. ; (We ; play a rotten hand!) We are a real ascetic, . rWe make no further bets. And though it sounds pathetic, Have sworn off cigarettes. . Sinners of like will-power, • • ■ ;'Upon the bone-dry bus, Are joining us each hour, Smirking and unctuous. For Care, that swooping dragon> We do not give a dump. . « But wait till the old wagon Hits a nice solid bump! ■•

QUESTION TlkE, This is an. excellent good idea froni "Jumbo," of Masterton, and we eom« mend it-most heartily to the notice «C bur Hon. Mr. Smith. ■ ■ Dear,Percy, ~-, Whatever plans the Government may, make for tho future, I must say that the White questionnaire, issued during tho last relief workers' vacation, fell far short of the- purpose for which it was intended, and enabled the unem* ployed to-qualify for relief work all too easily. In my owu case, I walked into a Labour Bureau quite innocently, and,. almost before I knew whero I was, found myself wearing tho navvy's insignia, of office, the old anchor' and banjo. Something must bo done, and to this end I have forwarded to the PrimeMinister drafts of a number of ques« tionnaires to be filled in by applicants before the next rush to the diggings commences. An. applicant would not know'which 'set of questions he would have to answer, thereby defeating his natural cunning at tho outset, and so giving everyone- an even break. Tho following is a copy of one of my lists:— (1) Who won the Great War, and why?- ; s . (2) Give the origin of the terms, "tray-bit," "sprat," and "diener." (3) What colour was Dick Turpin's hair? , . ; .. ' (4) When it is midnight in Nai Nai, what time would it be in Oshkosh (Wis.)? . (u) Give the meaning of the term, "a glass of pig's oar." (6) Name one song (other than "Michigan") incorporating the word "nevertheless." ■■'}'■ Each questionnaire has only six qu»». .tions,' but I. think they should be effe* tive in blocking all but geimijie navviV