POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 121, 25 May 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Sr PERCY PLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

TIME TO LAUGH. Sir Thomas Lipton promulgated tJii* one — If a business man. cannot laugh, he has no right to get rich. And we say it is only when he it become rich that he has ths best of reasons for laughing. lIEHESY! An Aucldander, president of tha Associated Chambers of Commerce, has had Iho temerity (1) to praise Wellington in. general terms, and (2) assert that "whatever opinions were expressed in the other provinces, it was Wellington where definite action was taken." Now wait till the Auckland editors have done with him! * * ♦ NEMESIS. The worst of their witch-doctor met They had well tarred at Timbuctoo, And feathered to the ears, and then, Most savagely had himductoo. * * * MANGLED PROVERBS. Dear Perce, —After a long silence, hero I am again, this time trying to improve on your client, "More Haste" —who makes a bright suggostion ia to-night's Postscripts. Here goes— Too many cooks wait for no man. Strike the iron, with the water that is past. A stitch in time is worth two in the bush. Take care of the pence and tho pounds will gather no moss. Empty barrels are the root of all evil. A bird in tho hand spoils the broth. A friend in need is better than na bread. All is not gold that catches the worn» Many hands have a silver lining. Your played out Flageolet. ** ' • OLD STUFF. Kite-flying is very popular iit AVanganui and Palmerston North, said a visitor in Wellington yesterday. On any fine day it was quite a common thing to soe anything up to 50 kites in the sky. Nothing new; just as popular i» Wellington or any other place in New Zealand; have tried it often; the kitei have to be well looked after, and ara often visible to the general public; you ask the cent, per cent, gentlemen. * * • NEAR-WISDOM. Says "Bettykins"— . Einstein has evolved a plan to caS, war. Now he'll have to begin evobr-> ing a few nations to understand ths process. This old question of evolution. . . ». What man is descended from is only a* best a theory. What he has descended to is, unhappily, a fact. , . ■ * * .*. • REBELS. Your typical rebel is born, that waj(so we hear), and goes on rebelling' until ho has to get off at the last section. If you do not know that charming ballad, "Sing a Song .of Sing1 Sing," you may misunderstand tha lines that follow. We hope they will not induce tears in any right-thinking; client. Isn't it naughty in this Anno Domini There should be people who have to eafc hominy? It is beyond our discerning—incredible—« They should not have food more filling and edible. Many have got that they look on. each visitor Not as a true friend, but just an inquisitor. Harshness has helped to make felons un« sociable To a degree that they're quite uu-« approachable. Rebels like that, contumacious, malevolent, Are, it is sad to say, far, far too prevalent. Give them a tract, and1 they gurgle, cacophonous: "Such things don't save us, or soothe u», or soften us. Don't quote us Scripture, or Ruskin, on? Tennyson: Cut out the sob stuff, and spare ns youi; benison. What do you take us for, lady? Imaging us Falling for preachments •so suave* oleaginous. We are no sooner out than we are in. again! Give us our freedom, and soon we shall sin again. That 'is the way with the worst of us, verily, Living our life to the lull, and right merrily. Don't tho • pathologists say we're not blameable. Morons' by birth, and as such irrcclaua* able? Try to believe that the rope or imprisonment.. Or the 'hot seat,' for such scallywags isn't meant. Grant us a spell in a well-known distillery, And we shall challenge all heaven's artillery. That is our favourite, it fitful, exuberance, Giving us this aldennanie protuberance. Pardon us, please, if we thus wildly fulminate; Visits like yours in such scenes mostly] culminate. So we Bhall ride to our • fate-ordained terminus, Speechless, . and sockless, but not (w», hope) verminous." » * * MISSED AGAIN! Once 3gain, despite prophecy and tha] tremulous expectation of the simpleminded, tho world has failed to comei to an end. Which reminds of two personal experiences which may bo of interest. Once, when wo sojourned in a southern city, a sweet young wife, with' her first babe in her arms, came m to warn us thut the Messiah was returning to Jerusalem within six months, and she and her husband were selling up their little homo in a suburb to travel to Palestine and bo present at the sublime reincarnation. They and a number of friends of similar belief regarded the war as a sign and an omen. The second occasion was tha visit of a splendidly -built, sobor, young, fellow from a provincial district, who stamped into our office in Wellington late one night, and announced himself as the Son of God. "Will you take ti chair?" we said. Ho preferred to remain standing, leaning over the desk. And his business with us? Ho intended presently lo open his mission in the Post Office square, and would we detach our fastest shorthand writers to. give him a verbatim report? In return, because he had been heard patiently, lie promised us, among other rewards, that we should "scoop" the news of tho arrival of tho groat Resurrection. Day because he had "taken to us" and liked our editorials! We givo an assurance that this is a strict, unvarnished fact. What becamo of th« man heaven alone knows. v