POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 120, 23 May 1931, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

SALE OR BALE? Ai'ler reading the report of the i'utilo' conference held yesterday afternooa to consider ways and means of keep* ing (ho Hull, River within bounds dur* ing periods of heavy rain, one of Percy Flage's inky brethren suggested that the only feasible scheme seemed to bo to put the river up for sale. "That's a silly idea," remarked ;i bystander. "The proper thing to do is to bah?; it out." SHORT STORY. That -well-known "medium,"' Jones, Fell down :i yawning criasia, j Ami though he broke no bones, . He tore his ectoplasm. That night, his usual seance Was held up for a minute In temporary abeyance .1 While they put stitches in it. In the ectoplasm, wo mean, * «• 'i OKIES OF ".SHAME!" Dear Percy Flage,— Another for the members of thi] "Squad." Arc they aware that an objection! was raised against a lady who was playing basketball for the Brooklyn. Fire Brigade, the grounds b.eing that she had a LADDER in her HOSE? Ever yours, "Aberdeen." CONUNDRUM, •'Auto Lycns" obliges with this:"— Why is Wellington city like Hadest Because it is "paved with good inteations," but, let it bo added, abomin* able, performance. (Inspired by thd stubbing of a great toe on the edges of our erratic flagstones.) And -with the old but interesting favourite for keen-witted postscriptcrs— What is the difference between oj duck? « * « / PATHOLOGICAL? One so great and tolerant as Lor^ M'oynihan, of Leeds, has suggested that Epstein's "Genesis" should b$ regarded as in the nature of a pro* phecy. We have two things to say in replyg (1) It looked to us like a case of patho« genesis, and (2) if that's the sort p£ lady the sox is reverting to, we hope, for his sake, that the Adam of that day will have a Reno handy. * * # SCHOOL'S IN. Fresh, from an emergency meeting of the now illustrious Junior Reform, League, the General Knowledge Squad, looking con-fusion at their enemies, march . conservatively on to paradej intoning "My Country, JTis of Thee.** Did you know that — (1) When Gandhi is at home, 110 one could fairly charge him with having something up his sleeve? No, sir. (2) For all this jangle about peaee^ the armament-makers on the Contin> ent are still working overtime and say^ ing nothing? They know their garlic.; (3) If dumping is the act of selling something below its value, it will ba, impossible to got rid of certain of 01U5 surplus politicians? (4) Between £3,000,000 and £4,000,----000 worth of Russian caviare was sold in the world's markets last year, and the sturgeons of the Caspian Sea smile ironically at all this depression talks (5) Usually it takes two to makes a quarrel, and the Free Ambulance to) round it off? (6) One of our "stars," Al. Caponc^ seems to be "in bad"? Recently, Prohibition agents raided a brewery of his, and confiscated equipment to ths value of £200,000 and 81,800' gallons of beer. (7) We did not deem it necessary to wadj through those voluminous repoi'ts of recent Arbitration Court pro*, ceedings, because we could guess be» forehand what everybody would say?, (8) According to Sir James Jeans, space isn't a bit crowded? As thus —• "Leave only three wasps alive in thai whole of Europe, and the air of Europe' will still be more crowded with waspsj than space is with stars." (9) The above is a thrilling thought, but we can't forget that after all thes<s years we still have to clean our owijj boots?

HAUBAKI STAKES. " We have opened a "book" on ttia; Hauraki Stakesj and our prices ar^ right. If Potrie •wins, and he is *, strong favourite with us—we shall have! to ask for time to pay. Allan (in the hands of that astute mentor, G. W* Forbes) may stretch the favourite's neck, but we havo no inspired mon^y for Massey. As for the Country Partyrepresentative —we are laying theßanJc of New Zealand to a milk token against him winning. Is that aiiy good1? But let us cut the cackle and get to th»j 'osses —just like this. ; If Ebcnezer Aiian Just has the spoccl, nnd call Do more miles to the gallon Than any other man \ AVho has been trained and set fof J This contest, then it makes _ / Him look a nice-ish bet for j7 The famed Hauraki Stakes, j' They say that Comrade Petrie, Tho Labour champ, is fast, And tough as seasoned titree, And will the journey last. ' Horses for courses, brothers, j Is worth rememb'ring, so ! He may lead all the others When past the post they go. Keform's "sure thing" is Massejj > (They rather like that breed) $ j Ho cannot be termed classy, /' Though quito a useful steed. I Il.'m scarcely in his favour / That his work-outs arc poo**. He may be worth a "saver," But wo are nono too sure, With typical effrout'ry That never seems to flag, i Tho party labelled Country \ Presumes to start a nag. >s We use such words, because it ' Hasn't a chance. Their choice, Should lie save his deposit, Will have cause to rejoice. «• * *

FUN IN 'J-'HM ADS. "1.0.8." has been browsing amoiijf our advertisements. Flags, mon ami. These are genuine " "Evening Posters":— COMBINED BANDS. SOUND FINANCE. Flenty of brass, ive presume. ' AERIAL BILLIARDS. Those nir pockets are useful, a-ft&ij all. SPECIAL OFFER. ALUMINIUM SAUCEPANS. Pii! Early—They Won't Last Long. That warning should be enough.