A BAD BOIL

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 103, 4 May 1931, Page 3

A BAD BOIL

ME. LANG AS COMEDIAN

ENGLISH HUMORIST'S VIEW

Writing in tho Melbourne "Argus" recently of Australia and Mr. Lang, Mr. A. P. Herbert, of ."Punch,'-', presented an original view of the New South AValos Prime Minister as a boil, which, though painful and unsightly, brought the poison in Australia's system to a head. ' When I was in Australia, with the British Press Delegation five, years ago, wrote Mr. Herbert, wo were all very careful not to say anything in public which might bo regarded as an expression of opinion on Australian political affairs. The precaution seemed a strange one to me, even at that time, when wo were all assuring each other that wo were members of the same family; for a family in which friendly frankness is regarded as impertinence cannot hope to hold together. To-day, surely, v British taxpayer may be permitted to hold a humble view about Australian polities, for one section of Australia's politicians is anxious, I understand, to borrow money from me (and I hope it will succeed), and another section, is anxious to withhold payment of the nioncy it owes iuc already. In these circumstances it is a little difficult to maintain an attitude of aloof detachment to the past ' and future, for example, of Mr. Lang. Not that I would venture to say a word in criticism of the statesman who has elevated tho name of New South Wales to so distinguished a position in the news and tho money markets. I congratulate Australia heartily on the possession of Mr. Lang. After Mr. Chaplin, lie is, I suppose, tho finest compdiiui in the English speaking countries. I have been trying to be funny for 20 years, but whenever I read one of Mr. Lang's public utterances 1 decide to give up the attempt. What I admire most about his humour is Us daring originality. To be'original is not always to be new; we all know that veiy often the oldest joke will go down best, and.Mr. Lang's original genius is seen at its biggest in his exploiting of old material. Standing at the head of a "new" State in a comparatively "new" country, leader of all that is freshest and boldest in the political thought of Australia, he docs' not attempt to give his audience anything new; he serves up the venerable gags of Karl Marx, which even in old South Wales arc now.-regarded as vicux jou; tho hoary back-chat of the early English Socialists about the socialisation of industry, which the ilnglish Socialists of the present day would almost blush to repeat.

APPLAUDING THE GENIAL HUMORIST.

Mr. Lang, of course, evidently a man of culture and intelligence, a man with what tho Americans call "background," has his. tongue in his cheek: he knows that those who are oddly described as "the workers" will lap up almost anything that falls from tho favourite wag of the 'moment. One can almost hear his inward chuckle as he. gravely explains to them that the best way to inspire confidence in Australia's future is to repudiate her past, and the best way to conciliate tho blood-suckers of London is to give preferential treatment to the soft-hearted financiers of New York. The "workers," stout fellows, who having done some simple tasks with their hands for a year or. two know all about finance, applaud the genial humorist, and all is well. Apparently they have even swallowed the famous mot, "Shall I give this money to rtarving Australians or to tho Shylocks of London?" .And no man retorts that this big-hearted fellow is cheerfully starving Australians in order to pay the "Shylocks" of America. Now I see that Mr. Lang's sideshaking comic act is to have a Federal tour. Perhaps at the gala performance at Melbourne he will relate • the strange parable of the Unjust. Steward who generously wrote down all tho debts of his master's debtors, and was "commended by his- lord." ■ ' The grounds of'that commendation I havo never been ablo to discover, but,..skilfully delivered, the parable should go down well in these easy-going days. Yes, you are luclc3' in your Mr. Lang. When there is poison in the human body it is better that it should come to a head in the shape of a largo, painful, and unsightly boil than, that it should bo distributed unseen through-] out the system. The thing is disfiguring,- the squeezing is painful, but at length the poison .emerges, and the whole affair enforces upon the sufferer's attention the need for living a healthier life. Mr. Lang, maybe, will go down to history as tho Great Australian Carbuncle. My friends of Syd-ney-may live to couple with "Our Bridge" a modest boast about "Our Boil." '

BRITAIN WORSE OFF,

At Home, politically, we, too, are in a somewhat septic" condition; we are worse off, essentially, I believe, than you, but ire arc a stage or two behind you. Our "Boil" has not yet definitely taken shape. We are being slowJy poisoned by Socialism and stupidity, but, having no Lung in power to wake us up, we totter drowsily down hill in the fond belief that some miracle will cure us, or that the laws of gravitation will cease to operate as we .approach the edge of the cliff. We shall wake.up at last with a much . bigger bump than you, and the longer it is delayed the more damage will be done. Masses of our citizens still firmly believe that a complicated modern 'State can be run on the attractive principle of "something for, nothing"; that meu, having come into the world .without any effort of their'own, arc-en-titled to be maintained in it on the same, conditions; that a trade union secretary, by virtue of a. year or two of manual toil and fifteen years of clerical work is the person best fitted to govern a great Slate; that men who have reached the ago of 21 years, and understand plumbing, carpentry, or the loading o f ships, arc at once competent to- decide' high questions of .fiscal and financial policy; that it is somehow ignoble to work with the brain, and in politics unnecessary (o use it; that government by trade- unions means government by the people; that the British stock can be bullied like Russians, deluded like Russians, or persuaded to conduct their lives according to the theories of German Jews in Moscow; and, in short, that democracy, ;ls wo are working it at present, is a sensible and effective piece of machinery. From all, or nearly all, of these illusions Mr. Lang is determined to release you. H e h,, s pushed Socialism and "democracy" to their logical conclusions for all the world to see. Ho hus stripped off the ime, rofmed phrases in what Socialism delights to dress and pamdc itself, and we see the naked reality, a greedy soul m a greasy body (slightly corpulent), preaching "ideals" ;md practising flic grossest materialism. Again, f congratulate you on your Mi: Lang. v THE SUMMONS OP SANITY. And I congratulate the stout and healthy heart of Australia on its vigorous response to the summons of sanity. At. Homo, I fe:ir, our darkest hour is still to come, but yours, 1 hope may be a/ready behind y'uu. If the worst comes you can ■•always- go out and-plant an orange Iree, but we, alas! liavp no such.facilities. ■ liiflriecT, compared with ours, your troubles are realty tiny. You have up conception of

the burdens we are bearing. I almosfclaugh when I hear you talk about your ''unemployed!" You have really no' excuse for having any unemployed. Wo have. ... Got rid of. your swollenheaded Socialists and your silly catchwords and you will have no unemployed. I cannot take a taxi-cab in"this 'city because of tho fantastic fares. They go up 0d a bump; wriggle in your soat and there is 5s on the clock. I could drive all through London for tho price of a taxi-ride from the Town Hall to Tdprak. And then lam told that times arc bad and that one of the taxi-cab companies is going out of business. Ido not wonder. A-.busi-. ness that can only sell a necessity ■at the price of a luxury deserves to die. And tho unfortunate unemployed taxidrivers, I suppose, will be told that.by keeping up the fares somebody is keeping up their "standard of life" or maintaining "the solidarity of the toiling masses." My hat, what bosh it is! Cut out all this twaddle, cut out the Lang stuff, and I have no fears for Australia. I have no doubt-that tho "Shylocks of London" are ready to come to your assistance —but not whils Mr. Lang is in charge of so much.as a' coffee' stall. Remove Mr. Lang and his satellites to some simple job which they can understand —chopping wood |or smashing plates-—and I will lend Australia my spare shilling to-morrow. Meanwhile, I find Australia as friendjly and hospitable and delightful (if not so smiling) as ever. God bles» Australia, and God save the King!