POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 95, 23 April 1931, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

INCBEDIBLE.' ... ,";". ' ' That noted actress, Miss Edna Best» has refused, to proceed with filin-mak« ing in Hollywood until she and her husband can reside there together. It ii understood that tho celluloid Babylon, (thougli convalescent) is still weak from the shock. , ; .*■..'■*/ : ■:♦. . ...■.'.. . . ANT-IDOTE. "Anti-ant," an enthusiastic gardenor of Lower 'Utt, wants to know about this horticultural1 note which he clips- ; from one of our broth ers-in-ink: Ants •.•will nob annoy you if • bicarbonate of soda is sprinkled in. ■ their hands. : , : ' ' Thanks for the hint, "A-a," but pefc sonally. we blow pepper in their eyes}' it .makes them: sneeze, and sneezing-.-puts them in a good humour. h ■■■ .-'' -■'.' ';.'■«- -.■'*.'■! ■» ■-.•' ' :■' .'■ '-, ■:■'•■. : : HAVASPOT. -.:\ \ } ■-~ ■■■ True as true—upon, our word as aa Augereau.' -r.'" ,V' -, :■ ■ ,---: ,:- "When Viceroy: Lord Irwin and Gandhi Drank health to tho .newly-signed .■ truce,;- . ; : ';. "', , '■ ; '■-■'.■'••^ The Mahatma indulged in. a shandy /:■: :."■ Of salt, plus some fresh lemon, juice. ,: Had he added-a soupcon of aloes and ■ gall. ' '-....'■ , ' ■'■-■' ' i • !•-■; . ■ It wouldn't have been half a baft ■ ■ drink at all. ';■'■. * ' ... * ■■■■•.■. .'■■•'. ' : ; IMPORTANT. . / ..' By our grace and favour, and for » special, reason as yet unknown to usj ! Mrs. Mamie M c Clancy moves forward a day this week: she appears to-vnorrow. This announcement is deemed necessary to allay widespread disappointment at her absenco this evening. (Signed) i SENOB PERCY PLAGE. ' • *■ ' * : ■■ * .!, WHERE'S CAEMENf "J. Buena Senor Plage, > Don your gay mantilla, throw a Tea poiusettia behind your ear, tune up your mellow, aged-in-the-wood Alham* bran guitarre, step to the lively Taraatelle, and try out , ' , THE ALFONSO BLUES*.' ] "I Ain't Gonna Beign No Mo*!;** j (One-step.) •' By Don Juan. "Good Madrid-ance to Baa Bubbidh* (Fox-trot), By Don Q., .• . and "Tho Ex-King's 'pain" (Croon song)* By Don Senor Zamora. * * *. EUPHEMISTIC. ■ From "Eockson," with -whom M peace. There have been a good many, reminiscences brought to light in. th» ' H. of B. lately, and this, though "am - oft told tale,", may be new.to many,the New Zealand population, having doubled and trebled in years since the 'seventies. Bichard Harman Jaffreys Beeves, commonly known as "Dick," was member for Inangahua, and being,above all other things, a sport, never lost a chance to have a bet. Well, in. Bellamy's ono* gay night (alas for th» jolly old ]ate nights!), Dick wagered he would call another sport y"a blasted liar," and get away with it, even with Sir Maurice O'Eorke as Speaker. And . he did. Addressing the House tie said a lot about^a certain member, winding up by shouting: "The hon. gentleman. is simply an aeolian harp shattered by, lightning." The Speaker failed to se» .the point at the moment, and Dick won five pounds! i * * .». BLAH! We realise that there is no valid_ excuse for these historical, sociological, and paregorical stanzas. ' Taking you all into our confidence (as wo are wont to do) —a rhyme for Cassandra1 leapt into our consciousness, and presently *: madness possessed us. .. We're eon-/ valescent now, thank you; There is no ovidonco that Cassandra , Was ever "gay" or a philanderer* • ] And why she fell out with Apollo • r > Is rather difficult to follow. ' Do not, we pray you, trust a strangef To hang about your prize hydrangea; He might be (who can say?) a parson—t A "fire-bug," with a craze for .arson* If over you should meet a gorgon Wearing a startling nasal organ, ■ . Do not remark on his proboscis—• He might resent your diagnosis. She lisped: "Thith ith my perquithitf I tho'metimcth do my workwithit." We left her there, in gay apparel, Perched with-her tatting on a So perfect fair was Fatinia . » She might Jiave tempted Latimer. As 'twas, this daughter of Mahomet Wedded (so gossips say) a comet. Years since, a "buck" hard-up and Tcckloss, Pawned his fair lady's diamond neck* lace. They flung him straight into a dungeon Where there was none for him t» sponge on. It's true that many .get from college Oh, quite a lot of nice, new knowledge. It's true, too, that when many trumpeli Their way back into life, thoy dump itTry not to bo queer or unmoral, And should you fall into a quarrel, Seize your opponent's near carotid And leave him breathlessly garottei ' * * * pir.'s. Malaya is the land of chits. BA lamy's accumulates a nice bnndle i* most Sessions, but one night a.t tlif, principal hotel in Penang, 6012 chit? for refreshments wore signed betwee* 9 p.m. and 8 a.m. It is not unusual for Europeans to go for weoks without changing a coin or a dollar note. Hii» bills at the end of the month h© will pay by cheque. With each bill thera is a collection of theso scraps of paper. They may represent charges for lemonade or whisky, cigars or shirts, collar* or a haircut, a taxi, or postage. There is no shop, no hotel in the country where cash is expected of the customer. In order to iusuro themselves against tho inevitable percentage at defaulters, proprietors charge oxcessive rates of interest. Managers of estates and shops have done their beat to end this unique system of running up credit, for thoy realiso that when the day of reckoning comes the reckoning is inevitably severe. The chit system encourages easy spending. The man who earns anything up to £2000 a year will seldom be discovered with a fivccont iskce in his pocket. He goes to the club to swim, and there pays his fees and chits monthly. At the golf club ho pays tho caddies' fees and thi tips and tho drinks with chits. He go-* to the Chines© shop for gramophones and records and signs chits. At thjr garage ho gets his tires, oils, and perrol with similar currency. When it comes to a funeral, the coffin is paid for by ;i chit, and so, from birth to death, Malaya is tho land of chits and centless millionaires. It all sound* like an idea which, might appeal tn Australia's borrow* tooom, or bust 3egJ#« Jntors.