POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 94, 22 April 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

IRON HAND NEEDED.

We noticed in a contemporary that the announcement 'of the return of the retiring Administrator of Samoa -was 'included in a report of the annual meeting of the Grocers' Union.

.Wo think the point rather significant in view of the war (price-cutting) now raging among those, traders.

AESTHETIC,

Cause and effect. We are not in* clined to saddle our Univeisity impres* sionists with the whole responsibility; for those allegedly disfiguring inscrip« tions on our cherished public edifices^ such as garage doors and things. Did none of the critics notice that the demand in our municipal library for reading of purely aesthetic moment had shown a substantial increase the last year? , Well, then.

CONSOLATION.

"Within four days, three Judges dis« posed of 300 out of 491 cases (in di» vorce). averaging ten minutes apiece.**—Cable note. You. may jibe as -you like at old Eng» land's decline In trade, and fast athletes and horses, But her fast demoiselles they are still going fine. And she's holding her -own in di» vorces.

ARE YOU THERE?

It is "Eory O'Mors" inquiring. Doar Mr. Flage,—Do you think these would suit any of your lady; friends? "Old-fashioned Welling Rings R*. modelled." We rather doubt it. Tho rings they; are most interested in are those which, make "dates" and provide for a taxi should it rain.

WHY NOT?

Dear Percy (writes "Anti Midas"):— Is there any truth in the rumour that in order to reduce Btill further the already low fuel consumption of thosa highly successful Garrett engines, the Bailway Department experts are carrying out experiments with a view to altering the construction of the engine* so that the drivers and firemen may assist locomotion by pedalling1?

Calamity Castle, Upper Hutt (Note change of address*), CHALLENGE?

Tou want, an improvement on thli "Stein Song" for the sousaphone. Have you heard "I Want Soma Money" on tho grousaphone? Cheerio!

PERCY VERB.

THAT THERE HYGIENK

An authentic story related by »a. ex-teacher of a Tottenham (Bug.) school. It takes the> form'of a letter, from a parent following a. hygiene leusou .on the digestive system.. Dear Mias, —Please don't let hit Lilly learn that there hygiene. There is no need for her to know nothing below the waist. Moreover, it puts her off her meals. , And thus democracy; marches.' » » ♦ v i

TOO HEADY.' , ' "

, We' culled this from one of- oujj smaller contemporary brothers: — . "The tournament (bowling) was oari ried through under abridged conditions,: five games of ten heads each being played instead of nine gamos flf twenty-on^ heads. The head of the of the organise ing contol deserves the, greatest credit! in coming through the strenuous timlj with a clearh ciid."

That's more than win be said for th» gentleman who put the joyful news int» type.

MELODBAMA,

Our advice is that they are telling this story, allegedly founded on fact* round the camp, fire up at Napier. Even! if it is an old yarn, "adapted," w<rf refuse to be deterred thereby from passing it on in this guise. If w« onl.t; had Gabriel's trumpet now, our song; | ■would go over big. Nathless — ] She roamed in mood contemplative ] The sun-swept cemetery around, , Pondering, perhaps, on those who Kro I Who would be better underground. ' lOr dwelling on still higher. things. It was indeed a lovely day, ! And wings were in the air (inch 'wfagatlj Floating above the flashing bay. Then anti-climax . . . sudden shoe^ Somewhere from out the shining mv, 1 The tombstones all' began to rock , And do gymnastics1 drunkenly; j The ground heaved like a wounded mp, j Coiled and uncoiled, recoiled until I The watcher could but gaze and gasft i And feel, of course, extremely HL Oh, terrible! As her wild eye» Surveyed the startling scene, »he wtnr, , A figure from, a grave arise; A pale and ancient look it wore. Then, then, she realised the_ trnth,^ ' And sank down, terror-stricken, dnmH, For old, as well for flaming youth, . The Resurrection Day had come! ' Meanwhile a scared grave-digger JfeS, His hair bolt upright on his head.

WHY NOT BELT ON CORNS*

It is as well our much-misunderstood but illustrious Dr. Kidsou is not leaving us to taie over the job of weathetj man at Vienna. The Viennese authorities are not so easy-going as we are^ As for example: Because the Austrian.' official seemed always more surprised when bad weather came than did thsj people themselves, ho was told that he( would no longer bo wanted when his contract- expired. His fate was sealed in February last, when the hoaviest snowstorm of twenty yoars caught hini napping. Following on regular bulletins predicting fair weather and rising temperatures, a yard of snow descended on the capital, and urban and rural traffic activities became bogged. Probably gay Vienna will now rely for its forecasts on the predictions of various private cooks, oldest inhabitants, and, people whose corns and rheumatism trouble them when it's going to storm. In outlandish Burgundy weather predictions arc made by many families according to a rite centuries old. . On: Christmas night, every believing family cuts six onions in half—the twelve pieces representing the months—and oai each a pinch of salt is spread. On; some the salt melts in a minute or twoj while on others it remains almost unchanged. Thoso on which it has dissolved aro t;iken to represent ivetj months, and the othors to predict finc| weather. These forecasts, it is said< are almost .invariably fulfilled. It'rf a cheaper.business, anyhow, than maintaining an expensive meteorological staff which is forced to Veep a standby coal, and' umbrella at the office Jusft in case.