POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 93, 21 April 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

JAWBREAKER. • Old "Doe Yak" (tetanus specialist)' invites you all to meet our new andl mastbdonic aunt:— anti-depoliticalisationalisticisra. * * • TOUGH. i No wonder Jack Dempsey is tough, s His father, aged 73, has just led hia •■ third bride to the altar ... she i« ' only 27 and a^brunette. ; '. * * ♦• ':/:. ■:v\, :•'•. 1 . CHALLENGE. ' ' \ '■ If ever there was a song written t# i mate ideally with one instrument, sure* , ly.it is tli'fi "Stein Song" for,the sousa» ■ phone. We challenge clients to mv ' prove on that. _ f * * • ■ THAT'S EASY. Concerning the upheaval in Castile. [ Now that Spain is a Republia, '. what will happen next? Wll3', the business of finding nic« i jobs for an army of party stalwarts, ; of course. *' # * SIB JAMBS. Lifted from our news columns yes» tcrclay:— "I have been only one day in Wellington," said Sir James Parr, "but I have encountered more pessimism, than in the course of my whole natu- , ral life." . v > ' As an antidote, we invite Sir James to pay special attention' to our Ballade in E flat minor inscribed below. ■;<• # * SANGUINARY. . Cable news from inflammable Ni» ■ caragua:. . ! Victims of the raids in the Puorfc* , Cabezas region were chopped t# pieces and otherwise mutilated. ! It reads as though that "kind hus. ; band," Kuerten of Dusseldorf, would have made an ideal first lieutenant for . Mr. Sandino. : * * * ! EVEB SO TBTJE. ' ■ Dear Purse, —My eyes have been 1 directed towards you in silent contem- \ plation for some time now, and your ' "Order, Order" paragraph, a few days \ ago has induced me to take up my pea • and relate an appropriate incident. • Years ago (war years they were) I [ had the good f ortuno to attend an annual i meeting which might well have beeii I described as dull, until a certain mom- ' ber made a particularly bright remark ' ' which, at once clinched a dreary argument, brought down the house, and the ' chairman to his feet! Asked by the , chairman to withdraw the remark, tha ■ member, in a meek voice, said: "Mr. 1 chairman, having pulled the trigger and ■ witnessed the glorious explosion, I am : only too happy to withdraw the remark unreservedly." So you see, "Purse," a bright comment can do its work, and though remaining unrecorded in the fustj] volumes which we all know as Han- ' sard (or minutes), can still remain verfl ' much alive. : ■ ■■ : "DIG." * ■* * , COUNTER LUNCH. ; Bad breaks by "J.E.B."— ; That sinking feeling' experienced 1 when your new-chum tramping friend . talks of " pigeon-pie" to the prcsi- '■ dent of your tramping club, who is aa ' ardent bird lover. j Going on the- swag with a talking; I salesman who is addicted to sewing--1 machine stories. Gambling on the features, figure, I and disposition of any bathing girl ' before she dons street attire. [ Trying to explain away a piece o| J celery which you've brought home niw . wrapped on a Saturday night. I •* * * I BELOW, PAR, Fairly bursting with information* '. our Sir James Parr returned from ; Europe a day or two ago. He has enl lightened us on many recondite mat" : ters, and on behalf of the nation-w« ■ say "Thank you"—just this this— . Dear Sir James Pair—how wise you are. , We shout aloud: You've done us proud, J Now you have said what's in your head , We know lots more than e'er before. i The L. of N. (those earnest men) . Is. just a "flop"; it cannot stop ' I Mad. Mars when he goes on the spree. That's news to us calamitous. I There's Europe, too (still quoting you), t Now sword and sheath, armed to thu . teeth! . ■ . 1. This bodes no good to brotherhood. ' You're sure a sleuth at getting Truth l Labelled and treed . . . you are, indeed. 5 John Bull, you tell us straight, is—well ) (The worst to hide), a bit offside. I He's worried, and, on sea and land, i He, noble soul, is up the pole, - Which is to say that John, to-day, , - Would be a mark for any gnark 1 Who chose to make a sudden break, ( - And with, intent belligerent '; . Kicked our dear John his pants upon. > Our thanks, Sir J. Another day . You'll ring us? Sure! Till then, bonjouf. 1 . * * * • : MALT-ISH. ■ One, "L.D.A.," discourses with yin» leaves on his crescent brow. Dear Percy,—More than once, eke twico or thrice, have I seen with these eyes in thy nightly discourse some reference, more or less overt, to a certain liquid by men called BEER, and by the. gods—so say those who should know—Nectar. Dost wot the pedigreo of the genial beverage ? Ido not pio« pose to give theo John Dodd's Sermon. 1 on Malt; but as I opine thou. art a. Malthusian—l mean, malt enthusiast, some particulars of beer's genesis may prove not unwelcome to thee. Know tnen that the ancients called it I ccrevisia, ex-zythum, possibly becauso .it used to excite 'em. One day some- [ body found a flea in his froth, which' , originated the idea of putting hops in i it. Whereupon, after taking his fill . of eerevisia, a cheery Vizier bethought . him of bottles, and called them am- , pullae: he was amply rewarded. Later, '■, these receptacles became obsolete; and. succeeding models were termed cupa i (casks), containing more than a cup or 1 two, I trow. That inventive chappie 1 must have been a stout fella, a brainy ; bird. By the way, the Latin for "this . bird" is "hie ales." In the pro-Boer —I mean pre-beer days, he had never . suffered ailment; consequently, he never , lciew what supper ale meant until he 1 inadvertently absorbed an overdose— 1 then 'twas indeed (hie' ales; in fact, 1 he complained of feeling unwell (sic). ; This behaviour strikes me as being [ quite nasty; not to say abdomcnable. However, to resume our sin-cere-vision. Down through the ages the- ; old names clung; even in the four-ale • bars the arm-pullers, renewed their . youth in the beer-handles. Other liquids '. strove to oust beer from its supremo popularity; some were indoor, drinks, '. soino outdoor but alcoholic or al-iTcsco-holic, all were soothing to the thirsty soul. And finally, by common consent, there existed no such thing as bad beer —though extreme pessimists , .allowed some, .might iiot be .quite so. good! '