POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 67, 20 March 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGI

Another momentous thought. | "There is nothing in the worl* so pleasing as to see your frioadi follow your thoughts."—The l*t» Baron Melchett. And knowing that it is just at well for all concerned that they'll novif catch up. ♦ * * This was scored for the castanets— When brother J. T. Lang sees "red/* As he, of late, is wont to do, For all but those Who kiss his toes The prospect grows Extremely "blue." * * * A reincarnation of Lewis Carroll tit a North Island daily. It looks lik«, a "spoof," but is a genuine reproduction. Perhaps there was no one mora ghrprised at the time of the earthquake than those woo were withia tho Napier Municipal Baths building, for instead of having to got wet the whole surfahe rose at them in a wave' and they were drenlhed ■ where they stood, or rather struggled to maintain a footing on the heaving stone beneath. Somobody doing a little galumphing J * * •* "V. Ogue' 'discourses on noses:— 0, tho ways of fashion! An old friend passed me in the street the other day with his nose in the air. Next day another with his nose up. But when on the following day yet still another bosom friend passed me up witlt his jnose likewise elevated I began to wonder. I made inquiries, and to-day; I heard that all three had gone bankrupt! Now is this the latest form o£ social climbing? If so, I may be getting quite "stuck up"'myself soon. # # • To correspondents. "N.S.P." —Try the member for Waimarino. He is reputedly the composer of that wistful ballade, "V» banks —and brays." "H.P." —Thanks. It looks likely.; Will slip it to-morrow. :' E.C.H.''—'' Derelict waterlogged* "Cut" makes an impression. "Tha Widow's Mite" rather a tiny mouthful. Thanks. "No Tout."—You run tha "Steeples" in patches. That's not tha way to get the big money. "The O'Shaughnessy." —The Chesterfield of the present Parliament1? A 1 difficult question, but we nominate the member for Westland. "B.S.P."—We've no axe to grind* Neither has Mr. Forbes; his is already; sharp enough.

"Percy Vere." —Not quite up taj your best w.f.a. form. "Sir O/zy."—You do us proud —twice. It made a big hit among tho lads, though several ventured the suggestion that you rather ."flattered ns* It goes into our private gallery. • ♦ * All tho way froniTeatherston-beyond-the-Bange. Wo cannot holp our name,; but if our name cannot help us we'll certainly have to consider changing it. Bear Flagc,— I wish to pat you right about yourj name. My wife knows. She says you are not descended from any of the Percivals of history. She says that is _th« well-known pride of tho houveau rich. Your name is Pursey. You are, you Press people, all tho same—rolling ia wealth. , , And your surname, concerning thu pronunciation of which there was re« cently an argument, should rhyme with! plague, for the wife says you are certainly a pest. As for Pearleen, Bettykins, etc., who sometimes give you their help, my wife: says they are no better than they; should be —hussies, in fact. lam not allowed near the "Post" ofdee on their account. Arid as for Mame—"l'll maim her," says the wife. You see what it is like to be married. Your after flage-hellation, N. Peeked. ♦ * • Some fervent client wants to knov»j "What about a pat on the back for, 'Sandy' M'Dougall, Mtataura's M.P.? Don't you realise that his 'No's' repre-i sent a very tangible economy?" Wai do. ... therefore we reach for our, silver-plated twin-cylindered bag-pipes, He hasn't. Gladstone's wisdom, or Tho brilliant statesmanship of Burk«k, He hails, we understand, from Gore, And helps in legislative work. As modest as a peony, As breezy as the winds that blow, He gets his best publicity, By merely saying one word—"NoP When speakers want more time to spou^ What really are just oft-told tales, , Mostly the House would hear them oufy But one voice o'er the Houbo prevails. The question's put . . . the orator (?) Waits to resumo his facilo flow, ! When, echoing across the floor Comes tho H'Dougall's well-meant) "No!" Good luck to him! We hope that le That attitude will not relax. It makes our heart rejoice to see Theso glib spell-binders got the axe,. Now "cuts" aro in tho air, we hold The argument cannot be answered Anent an innovation bold To make a nice deep slash in "Han* sard." * * * Some churches in the Stat«» are in«k-s ing their "publicity pulls" so inapptj as to give the Hollywood kaption king< a run for their money. Old "Doc" Menchen is an avid collector of thes« clerical curiosities, a few of which vr» pass on. "Tho Baptist" lifted thoat from "Tho American Mercury." Say» "The Baptist":— "In a single issue we find recorded four sermon subjects of the type to which we are referring: 'Can a Bobbed-hair Woman Go to Heaven!'. 'Will There Be Anr Bootleggers in Heaven?' 'How Do Sons-in-law Get Along with Mothers-in-law in Heavenf' and 'All Aboard!'—an unobjectionable theme, but. illuminated by uahcr* who used railroad lanterns to seat tho people, and by tho installation of an electric train, which lent colour to tho service by running round the platform, and lent fiound by its exhaust and whistle." A recent census, taken over a perioiS of Sundays, of worshippers at the loading London churches (old a story off patches of humanity in a desert of empty pews. But there is no buffoonery to attract the public. When *hw ineffable Aimce M.icphcrson and her1 brother and sister jackanapes can fill large halls (and collection plates), id seems clear that a lot of Uivcle Sam's children go to church because the talk* ies are not operating on the Sabbati.