POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 42, 19 February 1931, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

If that uneasy slab of ocean bed off our East Coast could bo made responsible for tli© "settling up" its antics have involved, we'll wager it would not take such an unconscionable time settling down. * * * / Thank you, Somebody. "If Life were a thing That money could buy, The rich would all live And tho poor would all die." But how many of us would perpettt* ally have one foot in the grave! * * * Prom England's one and only, "Morning Post": '' Improvident governments, like our own, who cut their coat without regard to the cloth, will be well advised to take a leaf out of Mr. Forties's book." ' Why a leaf out of the Forbes book? Why not borrow his shears? * » * "Herbie Haulbowline" (Ward Island)] points out two rather remarkable features connected with the ocean-going Oimara and its trip, as recorded in s contemporary. (1) "The Oimara is described as an auxiliary ketch, etc." ... "She was built . . . ten years ago, and is yawl riggedf ..." (2) Passing through a heavy; storm "she did not ship water below the water-line. . ." Blue water yachtsmen will find both' these points of unusual interest. * * * "Jacquelin Jhane" passes theg<j along. The other night wo heard a man singing (let's not say where) about all the things he had in his heart. It seems ho has roses, memories, rivers^ and you, bo we weren't surprised to learn that he had a few mountains there too. But we would have' beea very surprised indeed to learn that he had such things as auricles, ventricles, and biseuspids in hia eardium. And does she swim well? Sure; she swims like a fish—and her swimming costume is not her long suit, either. Someone was telling another someon* about a third someone. The third one had a bee in his bonnet. But don't you always spell bonnet with a "b"% I do, anyway. * * *' ( Dear Persevering Flagellator (literary, not literally). Your column contained the following, on Mondays 16/2/31:— Is it not true— That one is entitled to a return of one's fare if the motorman, in a moment of forgetfulness, switehea the Island Bay tramcar on to tha Karori run and does not realise the fact until ho reaches the terminus? H.M. In answer, I would say, if the motorman on.an Island Bay car (going south); did switch on to the Karori line (northwest) he would ha^ve done something no other tramwayman could do. Any* how, supposing he did achieve the impossible, there would be' such a mess up that I can quite believe your correspondent would reach Karori (cemetery) without realising the fact. . As for the fare, I am inclined to think that "H.M.'J would lose all interest in it, whether it be his welfare, tram fare, table fare, or even the thorofare that he refers to. . Yours in farewell, Annanias.. * * * Tragedy in the M'Clancy menage has been averted by an anti-climax. Bill and the boy-friend clashed, and the boy-friend proved one of those snags you happen across round a country; billiards table—if you're betting. Only the divine Maine's better instincts, which reasserted themselves, kept Bill , out of splints and the Divorce Court. Dear Flagc. I'm writin' this in bed With ice-bags on me aehin' 'cad. Bill's waitin' on me foot an' 'and, Though hees left eye don't look • too grand; It 'as a purple pansy touch Which don't 'elp to improve it muoW Hees gotter bump you orter see Just where hees cowlick useter be, An' hees poor nose is worser than It 'ad been flattenod by a pan. Pore Bill. 'E struck a snag, 'c did In that pants-presser, pop-eyed kid, Who 'it likel. It seemß 'ed been The lightweight amachoor champeen. 'E got all over Bill an' fcow'lled 'Im up, until I could 'aye 'owled To see the old man lumbering thera Drivin' great tunnels in the air. Sudden I saw me duty plain— _ Me 'cart turned back to Bill again. Hees wife once more, I waded in Swingin' tho 'ouse'old rollin' pin. The first shot grazed me 'usband s est. The next one was a perfect dear; It caught me ex-boy friend a whack Wat spread 'im gibbering on heel back. . . . Up in the 'ospital I 'ear tell That Thing is doin' passin'. well. .; Me 'cart's light, if me 'cad is sore, For Bill an' me is jake once more. 'E 'as'forgave me all me sins In case it 'urt the darlin' twins. I'm through with all that soul-matt rob, An'if a little space you've got I wish you'd let me friends all know Their Maine's herself now. Cheery ho. * * * Further "Shorts from the Courts'* from a Karori client, to "whom onr thanks. Man accused of drunkenness at Stratford: "I felt all right, but I could not walk." Magistrate: "Your head said 'Go' and your legs 'No.' " Man accused at Wood Green of biting a policeman: "I have an alibi." Magistrate: "What is it?" Man: "Well, I could not have bitten tho policeman because I had just taken my teeth out." Clerk at West London: "What is your occupation?" Man: "Window cleaner and musician." Chairman at Southend (to a woman, accused of drunkenness): "The e> d of this drinking wiil be 'that you will aave to go to prison." Woman: "I have been there, and found myself very comfortable." Willesden Man: "They say there ia work fvr painters, but wLere I liva it's cither nil done <iv never will be." Warrant Officer at Ohi Street: -'This woman really knows nothing about her husband or his affairs." The Magistrate: "That is unusual, is it not?" Warrant Officer; "Not in this district ■•sin."