POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 17, 21 January 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Northern news sheet leaves us J*' suspense. __ '. . The camp will be one of the most up-to-date • yet erected in New Zealand and overseas visitors Yes? Go on; we're listening. «■ * * After Mr. J. T. Lang's latest outburst in the New South Wales Stat» Assembly, it may be not uncharitably, •assumed that he is suffering from aa overdose of ylang-ylang, which, as yoa all remember, js an exotic and potent drink calculated to send brown brother running amok, slavering, and brandish**" ing his kriss. » , ♦' ■ • It may be right, but it looks queer. Mr. P. J. O'Began returned to Wellingson, who trades under the name of the South Island, westerday morning. ' ' . For example: Should not "westerday 5' be "westerly"? We think so. And isn't the ■ ijrade name "Soutk Island" protected by full>patents? . * * ■».■.. ■' This rather brilliant effort was suggested at the reception to our Prima Minister last evening by Couneillof "*■" | Chapman, M.P., who struck a high, almost falsetto, note at the microphone. Homely of heart and mind and face . From Friday unto Friday,, George Forbes, we hear, shows not % trace . . | Of "side"; though in "another place,'* His legal Parliamentary "ace" ' Unquestionably is Side-y. * .. . i~• ■ * * * -f. '■ Dear Perce, old Flage, You might be able to find some room for this. It occurred to me on th# way down in the boat last night. "Kismet." When striving hard to- concentrate, ' ■ ' . And regulate my profligate Ideas, I thought: "Collaborate . . • The wife and I." So, tete-a-tete, We ptSttdered long and likewise late; But all wo could originate Was many words conglomerate And metres disproportionate, ' V Like these that simply would, not matft. And here Jet me interpolate, It would have been appropriate If Webster to anticipate This stunt had thought to tabulate Some of his words, at'any rate,'' So that a glance ■would indicate Which fitted best as rhyme to "fate. '• P.S. —If anyone tries'to tell you I'm related to Walt Whitman, don't believe it. . P.P.S. —I 'm a bricklayer. * ■' * "' * Heavens! What have we started here? i ■ ' Sir P. ffflage, : . Wild-eat Cheroot Broker (than ever), "Evening Post," Wellington, Good my Knight, Be your offer to place that bunch of spinach for me. I like your offer, but I must stipulate the following provision: That you give me ample time to set up in business as mortician alongside that- .Swiss cheese outfit, before delivery. I would like to state that I have had a tempting offer also from the curator of the N.Z. Museum of unNatural Tobacco History. I am enclosing stamped envelope (as {ier your request), for which please send receipt. Thanking you, SIR OZZY. P.S.—Would you mind if I suggested a leetle sign for your beeznis? "VotT I will send in/ my bill next veek. O.K. I Vot? (*Our local gelig-Knight 's sign, which, unfortunately, we are unable,to reproduce, is the customary decoration to be seen over such philanthropic institutions as the "people's bankers." —P.F.) i # « • | Wairoa (including the Leader of tht Opposition) is in deadly earnest about 'its request for the addition to the line j which would join up Auckland with Donnelly's Crossing. Somebody seems I lacking in a sense of proportion. 1 This Donnelly's Crossing . . . wher« .is it! What is it? To give it it's dues, It sounds like a place worth a visit .If you wanted a touch of the blues. It's in Coates's electorate, we gather, And near Kirikopuni, too, But can that justify all this blatherf Well, partner; we leave it to you. If the Government, it's railway plans tossing , Aside, would bridge over the gap Extending to Donnelly's Crossing, 'Twould put Auckland back'on ths map; Wairoa's best boosters have said, it, Through Coates, their political head. And though it may ne'er show a credit, Look what good it may do for N.Z.I It's a fact that will not suffer blinking, A truth only fools will contest: With Auckland and Donnelly's linking This country could hope for the best. Imagine the gurglings and chortlings From' Bluff to th.c northernmost capi Of unbiased, and'overjoyed mortals If this scheme should take practical shape! ♦ ■#..■■■• From "L.D.A.," in pcrsiilagious vein, Deai- Percy,— Despite the; persistent northerly which has lashed c'en your placid temperament into poetical frenzy, there exist a few hardy souls who seek to emulate Miss Merciless Copingstone— I never can remember-names —in her aquatic feats. Just recently I ran across one such who boasted, quite casually, but very distinctly, that he swam every morning from Karaka Bay to Ward Island and back again before breakfast. My curiosity being aroused, I dragged myself one morn from bed, shortly after nine, with the, idea of witnessing this Channel aspirant, whose physical incompleteness somehow did not seem in accord with his allegednatatorial prowess and this is what/ f saw: Diving grandiloquently from a Sff promontory, the swimmer splashed stu« dily for some half dozen yards from the shore, then turned and made resolutely for land. I met him: on the beach. "Is this what you term swimming to Ward Island?" I asked, in mild reproach. "Certainly," was the reply. "My claim was that I swim toward the ' island and back every morning. Well, what about it?" I passed. Another little aquatic item, from Paris. In that newspaper I-told you of appeared a. report of somebodyfound drowned under one of the Parisian river bridges./ The verdict at the inquest was to the effect that there was every appearance of suicide, but no evidence as to the deceased's state of mind. AVould not you. or I, Perce, hare _de. clared- it to be a case of drowning whilst temporarily in Seine!