POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CX, Issue 122, 20 November 1930, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

"Jewels" (Mirror Ma) draws our attention to tho following statement:' — "Tho Torridon improved maehin* will do half the work at half the cost.'* What we really want to assist our unemployed (ho adds) is a machine to d« half the work in twice tho time, * * * "Anti Midas" in pursuit of the ever elusive truth. Dear Percy,—ls there any truth ia tho rumour that, after the sale of the Duchess had been completed, the treasurer of the Eastbourne Borough'Coun* cil discovered that one of the halfcrowns had a hole in it?

Auckland Hospital reports a neat little machine for peeling apples, pota-> toes, and onions, which was manufactured chiefly from waste parts of old metal collected chiefly from a rubbish dump. The ingenious engineer who achieved this has provided us with an idea. "We '11 have our Baby Minus car, less its engine, beaten into an ash tray as ft souvenir.

Apropos of our par the other day recording tho organisation of a Green. Cross Society, and our promise to support such with a noble rhyme occasionally, a correspondent writes in: Do"es not the recently erected municipal building at the Nairn street entrance- to Nairn Street Reserve, which now disfigures a once magnificent outlook appeal to your muse? Wo "suspect it might. One of thesa less busy days wo must look upon this matter critically.

Though beaten in a costly litigious battle to retain, the existing tram shelter and public conveniences in the Square, the Christchureh City Council (according to Mayor Archer) has promised (or threatened) that larger and more expensive civic utilities will grace the heart of the city, notwithstanding the apparent reverse in the Court. If this Archer is not drawing the long bow, the statement is further evidence that the gospel of city beautification is spreading.

* * * An ex-soldier, James O'Leary, who' has a wife and four children, hai drawn a horse in a, rich sweepstake at Home. Along with the news of his good fortune came a gas bill. Let us intone: — ' -. , O'Loary drew a horse. , Here's luck to Jamca O'Leary! Though it has yet; to score, of course, He naturally is cheery. For, win or lose, he '11 have enough ■ (And won't it be a- jolly day!) To pay that bill for gas, and still Afford a nice long holiday. i: ' * * *

With tho suggestion of a catch' ia her weather-beaten. throat, Mrs. M' Clancy, shaken ;witK emotion at tha news about the Duchess, sentimentally; recalls gay and brave daysof years ago on and across our harbour. This life of ours is full of change. I see they've sold the, Duchess. Strange 'Ow time flies, dear. Me old dad say* He well remembers them paisfc days When butchers ■•'ad their jamboree At Lowry Bay. Take it from me _ , They'll-ncver/'ave that chaniee. again* It all comes back as plain as plain. , There was. a paddle boat, Colleen, The quaintest thing you ever seen. . • Walking the water on two wEeels; _ Sometimes on one—and then tn« squeals, ■ • . And scurryin' too and fro . . . my ns.* It sent your 'cart all pitterpat. 'Twas on the Duchess I met Bill, Lookin' a dude, and fit to kill. He's rovin' eye and tan boots neat They fairly swep' me off me feett, 'E was a lively lad. Ah, well, I can't tell all I'd like to tell. 'E shouted me upon the chute (Climbing the steps back was a brutel), The camera hobscurate, too, Which gave us such a nifty view Of couples on the 'ills and beachWhich thought theirselves right out of reach. And sometimes, dear, when 'omeward bound, With 'eavy winds a-prowlin' round, Jones, larksoine like, would send 'er^ straight Dead into it ... and watch _us skate For shelter like wet hens, while Jo Laughed, if you please, huproarously. And when this 'apponed Bill wouli 'aste To slip his great arm round me waist. Oh, dearie me . . . them days is past* I wonder what'll win the last.

We are indebtod to a client for this story of "a dandy on the dole," culled from the 'J Daily Telegraph," England. The following story of the dole seemed incredible when it was first related. I was, however, reassured of its accuracy, and, moreover, took occasion to verify it.. A young man in a town just outside London, in receipt of unemployment par, surprised his barber a day or two ago by suggesting that ho would like his hair waved. He was just a. little doubtful about the* outlay. "What is your charge for.hair waving?" ho asked. "Fifteen shillings,'* replied the hairdresser, n"ot greatly interested up to this point. But to his amazement the dandy customer gava the order, remarking: "That's all right—l am glad it's not more, because I'm on the dole!"

"Have you anything to declareI!'* is the first question shot at the traveller by air from the Continent when landing at Croydon, the London terminal aerodrome. It is the time-honoured in» torrogation of His Majesty's Customs and Excise officers. You are requested to fill in a document in which you set forth just what dutiable goods you have ■brought back from your travels. But the questionnaire does not stop at ob« vious articles ]ike tobacco, cigars^ cigarettes, lace, and embroidery. It passes along to "magnetos and other parts of motor-cars and motor-cycles.'' "Other parts" is quaint. Back axles or radlatorSj perhaps? So on to "musical instruments" —it would not be safe to bring along a giant Wurlitzer with your personal effects and not doclaro it. But tha choicest of the lot is set between two thick lines to emphasiso its importance. "Dogs, cats, motor-cars, and motor-cycles," it iusists, "must be produced!" A peremptory demand. Unavailing, you must know, to try to hide your German wolfhound in your attache ease or disguise your Belgian straight eight (unassembled) as a new kind of potato pooler purchased for five francs from an itinerant pedlar. There would be a slim chance of passing off your prize Persian cat as a -muff, but these are nlert excisemen you are called on to deal jvith, ' .. ..