OF INTEREST TO WOMEN ABROAD AND AT HOME

Evening Post, Volume CIX, Issue 15, 18 January 1930, Page 19

OF INTEREST TO WOMEN ABROAD AND AT HOME

THE SCHEME OF THINGS

(By M.H.C.)

■ It is rather amusing in the "silly' season." to notice what a lot of odd things ..come up for public discussion. The inquiry "Do Children Bring Happiness?" was started by an English paper, and has spread far and wide. Of course, there are varying opinions, but there are- very few women who do not feel that they would have missed the best in married life if they had not had the joy, love,'and interest of a family. There is little doubt also that haying a family makes for the best qualities in both men and women—that is, where they take their responsibilities in the right way. For the father of a family to be willing that his wife should have a number of children, and yet be unwilling to work, deny himself, or do his just part in providing for them, is a great source of trouble. Wives become embittered because of suffering and loss of health on account of lack of proper comfort and care while the family is arriving, anil later because .the young ones have to make their, way in the world without the necessary equipment of health and education, .duo to poverty and lack of support by the father. Fathers who: are devoted to their children and are willing to make reasonable sacrifices for them, too often have to stand aside and . see' ' self-willed unreasonable mothers spoil the children by overindulgence, nagging, or by influencing them against their, father. Jn both these cases children are not the blessing and joy they should be. There" is no doubt that well-brought-up children—and that does not mean those who are dominated by either parent—are the greatest pleasure in the world. Has not this idoa been developed in a number of ways by writers of all kinds? There is no settled rule to go by in the matter of the drawing together of parents on account of children. In the majority of cases the little ones are a great bond; but on tho other hand, unwise treatment on the part of cither parent creates bitter dissension and separation. Jealousy on tho part of a parent is a terrible element at times. There is no doubt that some women are "born mothers," but when they become mothers their motherly instinct withers up in the wider interest. That again is a cause of trouble. A Christehurch social worker says truly, "Parents who are seeking only - their- own pleasure will certainly find their children a tie and a hindrance to their own amusements. But where there is real lovo between husband and wife I am convinced that the coming of children serves to bring the two closer together, provided that tho training of tho family is equally shared by both parents." Probably the last clause refers to the father or mother, who is quite willing to overindulge the children and when there is trouble refers the unpopular part of stricter training or punishment to the other one, not loyally backing the other up. Auothcr whoso opinion was consulted regretted that "many prefer a baby .car to a baby"; and again there are'those who would rather have pet dogs" or cats—though these are more likely to be people who are denied motherhood for causes they cannot control, and are spending motherly instinct on the lesser creation, which is far tetter thannot spending it at all.

There is no doubt that the ideal home must contain children. They bring anxiety in a variety of ways that people, who aave none cannot1 appreciate; they demand continual self-sacri-fice; they need reasoned training and they need understanding and many other helps in life which come along continuously, demanding the very best qualities in their parents. But those ■who willingly, and of intention, do not have children;, littlo know what joy they aro missing. Interest, companionship, and the development of fino qualities which' are only brought out by parenthood—these are only a few of the benefits, which children bring to marriage. ■ , It is a fact, too, that those who limit their families to one only bring a Nemesis on themselves by the fact that all their hopes and fears arc centred on one life. Au unfair restriction is often placed on a single child, which has not tho joy of companionship of brothers and sisters in childhood, nor the love, support, and companionship of their closest kith and kin later in life. Only those who belong to a big and happy family party can gauge how great this loss it. The "onlics" have a real grievance against parents who havo deliberately deprived them of auchicompanionshp and of tho opportunity of learning unselfishness and love in the best and natural way. The reverse side of this matter is real urgent in poor districts where the unfortunate women have far larger families than they should havo from all points of view; the children suffer horribly from poor health, improper nutrition, lack of education, and feel the loss of all the really helpful advantages in life which should be the right of everyone. It is tin fact that these cases are so numerous and heart-rending that makes women's societies and doctors in the .Old "World so anxious that these poor women should be placed within reach of contraceptives, so preventing the birth of hundreds of miserable, unhealthy, suffering little mites, and the sacrifice of even more lives of women ■who are urgently needed to look after the older children and. help them in the keen struggle for life. Like all really important subjects, tho having of children is a matter which has many sides. No sane person wishes the nation to wane in strength and importance by reason of shrinkage of population; while every sane person realises that to continue to .overload the finances of a country with feebleminded, unhealthy' people—who are a care and a responsibility, and must be taken evory care of yet who aro no usd whatever in tho scheme of life— is extreme folly. Yet this goes on and on. And the limitation of families by people who could afford to have them arid who have health and strength to make -parenthood all that- it ought to be ; also goes on, and it is hard to say what the end will be. There seem to be signs of a more healthy state of mind among the better-educated people. This, together with tho excellent teaching which is within the reach of all mothers for the benefit of their own and their f'-ildren's health, should make for a far greater and ' better domestic life within the nest few years.