Wit and Humour

Evening Post, Volume CVII, Issue 96, 27 April 1929, Page 21

Wit and Humour

lie: "You look sweet, enough to cat!" She: "I do eat. Where shall we go?" Binks (to shopkeeper): Have, you any! eggs in which you can guarantee there are no chickens? - ■ . '. Grocer (pausing a. moment): Yes, sir— duck eggs. | Aunt: You must have liked the book I gave you to read it seven times. Nephew: It isn't that. You see, dad makes me read a chapter every time I'm late at meals. The freshman across the hall says he likes his new topcoat very much, only .he can't get used to the wood across the shoulders" and" the hook keeps pushing his hat off. . . ; Sentimental Suitor (after being rejected): 1 shall never marry now. The Lady: Silly man! Why.not? I. Sentimental Suitor: If .you won't have me, who will ? „■■•• Haughty Parent: So you desire to become 1 my son-in-law? Modern Young Man: No, sir, I do not, but if I marry your daughter I don't see how I can avoid it. The picnickers were-obliged to cross a railway track m reaching the place where they were to have lunch,. and little Robby, going ahead, saw a train approaching. Eagerly 1 be shouted to his.father, who was still on the track, "Hurry, daddy, or else' give me the lunch." .'.'.. "Now, kiddies," said the children's hour announcer as he prepared to sign off, "that is the end of-the story, of the big brown bear that ate up poor little Pansy's mother and father and chased her through the woods for hours. Tomorrow at this time I will tell you about Bob and Betty and the exciting time they had out West when the Indians attacked their settlement. Off to bed, all of you, | and may you have sweet, rest. and X'leasant dreams." '.'.-. The mistress of the house" ;was continually 'reprimanding her" servant girl for her laziness..'. This'seemed to have .no effect;- iv fact, things ■ got worse.- - ' Her mistress had just run ■ her to earth in the attic, where she found her surrounded by a litter .of paper-covered novelettes. . . "Now, look here, Jane," said the. mistress. "If I catch you.reading this stuff again-you'll go—the idea!" "But," said, the girl.' "It's doctor's orders!"... . , ' . "Ridiculous!" sniffed .the lady." "How can you say that?" ■ . : , ■ •!'Wh.v,"...was the reply. . - "He said I ought to live chiefly,on 'serials I!'' Two Scots had ,met once . again after a number; of years. - In tliemeaiitime'one of the pair had become affluent. '"'.'; "Jia'e a cigar: Sand}',., mon," he. said to the other. The cigars were lit,, and,; after a, puff or two, Saiidy v';.was moved to speak. ■ ' ; ■ .." -. '•- 'y' ■:-■■ • ;.-.'; '' "Sic smokes maun.ha'e cost ye a deal o' siller," he observed. :'"Nae sac. muc; kle," replied the rich.one;""a matter'o' five shillings! the. twa,:, maybe/ Then came a pause while they puffed away in silence. „- . . -..'., ''.'.',":' "Mon,".. ventured Sandy''eventually, -in tonus of one : making' a great' discovery, "Ah'ni thinking yours is th' four'-an-iiine-pemiy. yin." .-.■-.. „" :. s".""