Wit and Humour

Evening Post, Volume CV, Issue 23, 28 January 1928, Page 21

Wit and Humour

"And did you hatch all these chickens yourself?" "Oh, no; we have hens that do that. "At least once in my lite I was glad to be down and out." "When was that?" " "After my first ride in an aeroplane. The real reason why the cave man had such a reputation for savageness is that he could never relieve his feelings by slamming the front door as he went out! A city magnate declares that in order to ensure prosperity a man must make the best of whatever start he has. Some of our bookmakers know how very true this is. "Most of our modern novels," declares a critic, "arc lacking in finish." We should not go so far as to say that, but certainly we have often thought it unnecessarily delayed. Mother—You were very naughty to disobey me, and I have punished you to impress it on your mind. Son—Mummy, aren't you mistaken in regard to the position of my mind? "He put on speed, thinking he could beat the train to the level crossing." "Did he get across?" "He will as soon as the monumental mason has it finished." "Isn't it hard," said the sentimental landlady, "to think this poor little lamb was cut down in its youth to satisfy our appetites?" "Yes," said the sour-faced boarder, struggling with his portion, "it is tough." It is reported that all new railway locomotives are to be given names. We understand that the christening ceremony will bo performed by attempting to break a railway restaurant sandwich over the boiler. "A hair in the head is worth two in the brush." "What is your favourite tree, Jack?" "Yew." "Dearest Maude, will you Bhare my lot?" "Yes; if it is a lot, Freddie." "My brother doesn't drink, smoke, chew, or go to the races." "How old is he?" "He'll be a week old to-morrow." I "Have you forgotten you owe me five pounds?" "No, not yet. Give me time, and I will. "Say, waiter, can you tell me how long my omelet will be?" "No, sir; they vary considerably." Clothes make the man. Lack of them make the woman. Men's fashion note: "Collars will be worn aB usual by laundries this year." "Do you find it hard to meet your expenses?" "No. Why, I meet them at every turn." On the arrival at New York of a liner alter a world's cruise it was stated that thirteen couples had become engaged during the voyage. The remaining passengers, however, c;m remember where they ye been.