DILEMMA.

Evening Post, Volume CX, Issue 52, 29 August 1925, Page 17

DILEMMA.

(Reconstructions of the brontosaurus and other prehistoric animals are to appear in a film drama.) I've an aunt whom the Titanothers

Quite frequently fails to inspire: Whom discussions of Dinosaurs wearies,

And kindles no answering fire. At moments of tension The casual mention Of "Mesosaur" even arouses her ire. No silently suffering Stoio This aged relation of mine; The points of the Palaeozoic Mammalia are not in her line, And a chat on the species

It's easy to see she's Politely but firmly prepared to decline. But Auntie, who dotes on the "pictures,"

Is now in a bit of a fix: What comes of the strength of her strictures If her hero, the masterful Mix, Engages to feature That amiable creature His favourite Bronto., in Episode Six?

Old Gentleman (by a Scotch river in late evening): Well, you've had a pretty stiff day' 6 work if you started fishing at four in the morning. How do you manage to get 60 much time ? Angler: We're on strike the noo. Old Gentleman: What for? Angler: We're strikin' for a seveu-oor day.

A Yale player was teaching some oowboys how to play football. He explained the rules, as follow: "Remember, fellows, if you can't kick the ball, kick a man on the other side. Now let's get busy. Where's the ball?" One of the cowboys shouted. "Never mind the ball! Let's Etart the game."

"Great governor, Ab!" ejaculated Burt Blurt of Petunia, who was spending a day , in the Big Burg along with his friend, Abner Applodry. "You're making an awful face over that cigar you just bought. Don't you like it?" "Goshdang it to the dickens!" replied Abner. "I've got to like it; I paid a dime forit!'-'

The Magistrate regarded the urohin with a look in which sympathy for hi 3 sad plight and disapproval for hie misdeed were equally blended. "My dear boy," he exclaimed, "what possessed you to steal the tortoise?" "I didn't steal it," was the unexpected retort, "It followed me home."

"Hal ha!" merrily laughed the feminine guest of a well-known hotel. "This is a good joke." "What'is?" asked her husband.' "Why, this neat little placard on the inside of tho door, saying, 'Stop 1 Havo You Left Anything?' I have packed up tho soap, towels, stationery, pillow slips, and sheetß. I don't suppose we could take the mattresses, so I have left them. Ha ! ha !"

A country school board was visiting a school, and the principal was putting his pupils through their paces. "Who signed the Magna Charta, Robert?" "Please, sir, 'twasn't me," whimpered tho youngster. Tho teacher, in disgust, told him to take his seat; but an old tobaccp-ohewer on the board was not satisfied, so, afer a well-directed aim at the cuspidor, he said: "Call that boy back. I don't like his manner. I beliova he did do it"

Keeper: I thought you hadn't been poaching. What's this rabbit doing in your pooket? Tramp: Well, I am surprised. It must have orawled in and got suffocated while I was asleep under the hedge.

He: lam not going to that lady barber shop again. There's a rude girl there. She: What did she say? He: She looked at my moustache and asked me if I would have it sponged off or rubbed in.

Lover (quoting Shakespeare): Perdition catch my soul, but I do love theo. And when I love thee not —. Modern Sweetheart (firmly); And when you love me not, Timothy, It will cost you "about £500 damages.

The doctor rushed out to hi» study. "Get my bag at onoe," he shouted. "Some fellow just telephoned he can't live without me." "Just a moment," his wife said gently. "I think that call was for our daughter, dear."

First Patrolman: There's a man that's always fiirtin' with the servant girls on my beat; I'd like to run him in, but I don't see how I can. Seoond Patrolman: Why not arrest him ori the charge of impersonating one of the force?

"Did you ever take any interest in cross-word puzzles?" "No," Senator Sorghum answored. "When; I've been through a filibustering session I've had all tho exorcise I want in putting words together so that they won't mean anything in particular."

Theatrical Manager: Your last act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suf-' fering was almost real. Leading Lady: It was real. I've got a largo nail in my shoe. Theatrical Manager: Well, for heaven's sake, leave it in until the end of the season 1

She: My brother works on a farm. He: I wish I could; but I have* hay fever, thank goodness.

Police Sergeant: Is the man dangerously wounded ? Patrolman : Two of the wounds are fatal, but the other one isn't so bad.

Instructor of Pugilism: Well, what do you think of your first lesson ? Pupil: I've decided to have the rest of the course by mail.

Artist: You know that last painting of mine? I've sold it to old Tigntfist for a thousand guineas. Friend: Good! I'm pleased to hear it. Ho deserves to be swindled.

"No, even if he were ten times as wealthy I should still despise him." "Hush, not bo loud. You must'nt talk of him like that before you are married to him."

"Do you speak French?" "No." Do you speak. English?" "No.". "But on your window it says, 'French nnd English spokon here. 1" Who speaks it?" "The customers!"

Ernesto; I have been so lonesome sines I have been away; I think of you always. Tell me, what are you thinking of, my. adored one? .Lula: I was just thinking that to-day I used the last of the lard, and to-morrow the stores won't be open.

Mother: Billy, vihy are you making your little brother cry? Billy: I'm not. lie's dug a hole, and lie's crying bocause ho can't bring it into the house.

Customer (who has sent for restaurant manapor) : Oh, I havo a very serious complaint. Manager: Kxcuse me, sir, this ia a restaurant —not a- nursing homo I

Someone demands Fashions for the Fat. Rations for the Fat seem more desirable.

Said a witness at Court: "I am speaking the truth, not facts." Apparently 'he imagines that truth is stronger than faction.

"The more one read", tho _ sweeter tempered on« grows," says a writer. Apparently too many books spoil tho wrath.

He: Darling, do you think you could liv» on twenty-fiv« dollar* a week ? $Jmi Yes—but do longer.

The World in Arms. —Babies.

England expects everj Scotchman to do his neighbour.

A Queen Anne farthing recently sold for thirty shillings. That gives you some idea of the pre-war value of money!

Dear Od Lady: "Have you any cigars that officersssmoker—ae —cr—a good rank oigar —I suppose you'd call it.

Wife (to »rdent fisherman, who has just returned from bathing—strugging with a crab): "Only caught one, John !"

"Lawyers must think and act speedily," says a critic. They do. There is nothing more rapid than the response of a Scottish lawyer called to the bar.

A five-year-old English boy lifts weights of 561b and can defeat ten boys at a tug-of-war. He is said to be able to open and close a taxi-cab window with ease.

Her Lawyer: "All this evidence of yours ippears very straightforward." Dolly : "Well.. don't rub it in—we can't all have a legal mind."

The giant bamboo grows a foot a day, fiays a horticulturist. The ideal plant for tho man who enjoys talking about his garden and yet has a conscience.

"It's no good trying to play bridge ■gainst Jim and Phylha." "Why not?" "Oh, you know how good they are at holding hands."

In a Boulogne restaurant recently two bandits robbed five customers of their money. The waiters were not molested owing to a point of professional eiquette.

A picture by Romney of "The Bashful Child" was recently sold for 3000 guineas. The value, of course, is enhanced by tho fact that there is no such subject these days.

"I had to disoharge my nurse for the most horrible cruelty." "What did she do?" _ • "Kicked my poor darling Fido for biting the baby."

Father (with new car) • "Can't understand what's wrong. It went all right when I drove it down yesterday,"

Bobbie (with vivid recollections of his own toys): "Yes, but yesterday it was new, daddy."

"So I refused him on the grounds that I tun too young to marry." "Oh. you clever girl I Who else would have thought o? that excuse from you ?"

Disgusted Mistress: "I don't know how your last mistress could describe you as useful."

Very Tall Maid: "Don't yer I Well, as it 'appens she 'adn't got a pair of steps."

Student: Writing a letter to your dad? Roommate: No, a requisition.

"Somebody has stolen our automobile I" "It Berves him right."

First Street Cleaner: So Bill's dead. Bill was a good street cleaner. Second Street Cleaner: Yes,- Bill was a good street cleaner, but don't you think he was a little weak around the lampposts?

Judge: "You are accused of stealing spoons from the restaurant. What have you to 6ay?" Accused: "I took them in error, sir." Judge: "In error? How do you mean?" Accused: "I thought they were silver."

He: "What proof have I that you really love me?" Sho; "Proof I Haven't I given you eight dances?" He: "Yes, but I don't consider that any proof of affection." She: "You would if you knew how you danced."

"Good heavona I Who gave you that black eye ?" "A bridegroom for kissing the bride after the ceremony." "But surely he didn't object to that ancient custom?" "No —but it was two years after the ceremony,"

Biggs: "What do you mean when you say you're going to reverse the practice this year when you make your garden?" Jigg3: "I'm going to plant a variety of weod seeds and see if vegetables will come up."