A TOAST TO KATE.

Evening Post, Volume CIX, Issue 101, 2 May 1925, Page 17

A TOAST TO KATE.

I drink a toast to Lovely KB, Whose charms few maids can duplicß. Here's wishing her a happy fB, And health and wealth and high estß And may she not have long to w8 Before tho right swain doth relß A plea like this: "Be thou my m 8 Don t hesitS—say yes, sweet KB." ' Cut and Dried—Hay. Overhead Charges—Hats. Seaweed—A cigar on tho beach. Best Sellers—Well-stocked vaults. "Wot, 'im a police dog? 'E don't look like one. "No. 'E's in the Secret Police."

father, teacher 6ays wo are in tho world to help others." "That's right, sonny !" "Then what are tho others here for?"

The Manager of the Music Hall: Ladies and gentlemen, I very much regret that at; this performance "The Great Bolto" will be unable to swallow the sword. Ho has a fish bone stuck in his throat.

A cyclist on turning suddently round a street cc.ner ran over a email boy. Instantly dismounting from his bike, he ran back and lifted the boy, who seemed none the worse for his : fall. Then ho thrust his hand into his trousers pocket, took out a silver coin, and offered it to the boy, who declined it, saying: "Nae, nae, sir, I'll nae tak ony money— I m learnin' tae ride mysel'."

, Fond Mother: My son Jack is playing in a football match to-day. Friend : How nice ! In what position does he play? Fond Mother: Well, I'm not sure, but I think he's one of the drawbacks.

A_ boy patient at a hospital had a squint, and was consulting ono of the doctors about it.

"Does he ever see double?" said the doctor'to his mother.

Can't exactly say that, sir," she reP jj 'i thon> trying to be helpful, she added, He's one of twins, though—p'raps ho does."

Here's to the picture on my desk,' Hero's lo the other picture on my desk; May they never meet. Agnes—Oh ! Becky—What's tho matter? Agnes—l'm in a terrible dilemma. I have two proposals and can't decide which to marry first. Wifio—"Why don't you help me out of the auto? You're not so gallant as you used to be when I was a girl " Hubby—"That's nothing, you're not bo buoyant as you used to be when I was a boy. Mrs. Newlywed (tearfully): My—my husband—has been kissing the cook ' 0 what shall I do? " M"- De Vorce (speaking from experience): Do nothing, my dear! No woman can afford to' lose either ! Budding Author (who has asked a psychologist to read her new book): "What do you think of my brain child ?" Prof.: fA moron, my.dear young woman ; a moron." I

Love is like a punctured tire, _ I'm very, sure of that; For after one big blowout, She went and left me fiat. Bootblack: "Mister, you sure are dusty." Man: "Well, brush off ten cents' worth. "flow many, foob are there on earth ?" Just one more than you think there are." ' Speaker: "I wish now to tax your memory—" i-u\°}S c: "Great Scott! Has it coma to that I •** , "My wife kisses me every time I come into the house. "Affection?" "No, investigation." Jack: Did you give up anything for jbent this year ? Mildred: Oh. yes, I always do. My New Year's resolutions.

Ambitious College Youth (to senator): Hnw rjid y OU become such a wonderful orator?

Senator: "I began hi' addressing envelopes.

"Folks say that Mrs. Climber's marvellous diamonds actually got her into society." "True. They were stepping stones."

Many of the engagements said to be broken by mutual consent were never really broken at all.. The girl tells the boy whather clothes cqst; he tells her what,his income is; the engagement sags m the middle and gently dissolves. She: "What is the feminine for earl?" He: "Well—er—it is usually heiress." "Why do you like swimming " It's such a clean sport." <rWhat style of car do you drive?" "A dotouring car." Young Wife (reproachfully): "You always seemed to have plenty of money betore we were married." Loving Husband: "It was only Beeming. I had very litlle." . Young Wife: "And you toid mo yon expected to be rich." Loving Husband: "I am rich, my dear, I've cot you." (She subsided.)

Mrs. Blosswell was visiting the servants' registry office. "I wan t a goo d cook for my country house," sho informed the manageress. The manageress turned to her secretary, "Have wo anyone here who would like to spend a day. or so in the country I sho inquired.

It was cleaning day at the Zoo. AH the animals had to be shifted from the cages they usually occupied into fresh ones. An .Irishman was assisting with the transfer of the hyena. "Stiddy there lion, he quivered. "What's the idea?" asked a fellow-attendant, "calling that hyena a lion ?" "Have you no tact ? Can't ye see tis flattering the baste that I am :

The great musician had been entertaining his guests, and as he rose from the piano a gushing youth approached him. What a wonderful piece of music!" ho exclaimed. ''Will you tell me Iho name of it. pleaso?" "It was an improvisation." replied the musician. "Ah of course!" said the youth. "An old' favourite of mine, but for the moment I had forgotten its name."

A man m a tweed suit and leggings walked into a poulterer's shop, and asked for a braco of pheasant*. "Sorry sir " said tbo shopman; "completely sold out of pheasants. T could lot you have a nieo veal-and-ham pie though, sir" "Don't bo ridiculous," snapped the sportsman; how the dickens could I go home and say I shot a veal-and-ham pie?"

How will I enter the money the cashier skipped with?" asked the bookkeeper "Under the profit and loss?" "Nosuppose you put il under runninrr expenses?" "

Mrs Breezy (with hammer): "There, I ye hit tho nail on the head at last." Mr. Breezy: "Why do you put your finger in your mouth " Mrs. Breezy: "That waa tho nail I hit."