A CHEERY GUID-NIGHT.

Evening Post, Volume CI, Issue 49, 26 February 1921, Page 14

A CHEERY GUID-NIGHT.

Noo I've eattled the sci/re, an' the gig's at tha door;

An' the shaltie is kittle to ca', Aye the langer we sit we're the sweirer to flit,

Sac it's time to be wearin' awa', A douce elder,like me, an example maun be, An' ifc wpuldna be seemly ava Stottiu' harae in day-licht, an' jist think o' the eicht,

Supposin' wo happened to fa' Ye'ro weel slockened no, an' -afore ye get fou

Be guided by me an' say "Na": By my tongue ye can 101 l I've had plenty mysel' Sa© a cheery guid-nicht to you a. A cheery guid-nrcht, ay, a cheery guidnicht, A cheery guid-nicht to you a. By my sa,ig ye can tell I've had plenty mysel' Sac a cheery guid-tiicht to you a. Rowe graavits weel voon, an' your bonnets rug doon Syne set the door wide to.the wa', An' the gig that's in froafc is. the safest to mount - ' Gin the dram gars you trow there is twa. O it's little we care, gin the- furth it be fair . Or mochie or makin' for enaw, Gin it's frosty an' clear we can lippen the mear • , Gin it's dubby the safter the fa. Noo roadit for ba.ne there is 6ome I could name ■ ■ ... ' Na-e freely sac crosse i' the craw, For they've wives like mysel' an' tha lees we maun tell 1 Blauds the tail o' a nicht for us »'. It blauda a quid nicht, ay, it blauds a j quid liicht When the wives winna swallow them a' Tho' for peace ye may tell a bit lee like mysel, Here's a hindmost guiE-mcht to them. a. , "Hamewiih." Charles Murray. "Those people never read' a newspaper from one year's end to the other." "That, doesn't matter; they've engaged a, maid who's lived in about every family on tho block."

"Gabbleton tells a funny story of how he shortchanged a taxicab driver." "The infernal liar!" "Ah! You know Gabbleton?" "No,■but I know taxicab drivers."

Mr. Longsuffer—lf I pay the rent ybu'ro asking I won't have enough left to keep the wolf from the door. The Agent: The caretaker'will see to'that. . Wolves are not allowed in these apartments.

"All that the motion picture lacks is the mera matter of 1 uman speech." "Well," replied Mr. Stormington Barnes, who never will forget the palmy days, "that's all a deaf and dumb asylum lacks." ' '

"What did Poe's Raven mean by saying 'Nevermore'?" ."I don't know, but' I know what he would mean if he were sitting on a bust now in 1920, and realised ha could never again go on one."

Clerk of the Shore Hotel: Five dollars, sir, for room with bath. Farmer Harrower (after consultation with his wife)): But we don't want no room with a bath. We're goin' to wash in the ocean every three or four days ■

"Do you say that your- hens 'sit' or 'set' ?" asked the precise pedagogue of the busy house-wife. "It never matters to me what I say," was the quick reply. "What concerns me is to learn, when I hear the han cackling, is whether bho is laying or lying."

Ho: I suppose when all women vote the party managers.will have to put handsome men on their tickets'for candidates. She: What makes you think women will demand handsome men to vote for when you look at the kind the most of thorn marry? ■■'.

A woman had seen tliree husbands buried. She met an old admirer,-a,rid they visited tho cemetery together. ' ; "Ah,"sh-o said, "if only you'd had more courage, you might" have been among them." .

Mr. Smiles: But why -do you expect a Christmas box from mo? Surely I have had no dealings with jou ? Boy: Yes, sir—please, sir, you trippod over my 'oop last week.

"Yob," said the ominent specialist to the poor man who had called upon him, "I will .examine you carefully for 10s." "All right, doctor," said tho man, -resignedly, "If tou find it I'll give you half."

"All right back there?" bawled'the cououctor. "Hoi' on, hoi' on," shrilled a feminine voice., "Jes wait till I gets man clothes on." And then, ac tho entiro earful craned their necks expectantly, she entered with a basket of laundry.

Two hunters were making their way through heavy bushes. , "This i» a bad place for hornet*. I hope we don't run into a nest."

"Sorry for you if we do," replied his follower; "but any hornet that catches me will be too tired to sting."

Tom Green, who owned a donkey and cart, fell into a drunken sleep by the wayside, and someone stole the donkey. . When he awoke he rubbed his eyes and looked at the namo on the cart. '• -

"If my name's Tom Green," ho said, "I've lost a donkey. If it isn't, I've found a. cart."

A country housewife of good intentions, but with little culinary knowledge,, decided to try her hand at cake making. The result was somewhat on the heavy side, anil, aftor offering it to the various members of her housohold, she threw it to the ducks in disgust. . ■ * ...

A short time afterwards two urchins tap> ped at her door.

"I say, missus." they shouted, "your ducks ive sunk."