THE LADY AND THE COW.

Evening Post, Volume XCVII, Issue 103, 3 May 1919, Page 16

THE LADY AND THE COW.

The lady in the case has never allowed household obligations to interfere with her rational pleasures—one of which js to visit the city whenever there is. anything really worth while. • Quite recently a dairy «ow was added to the equipment of tho home, and the neighbours at once became critical as to how the lady in town, and the cow at homo would harmonise about feeding and milking times. "You won't be able to go to town much now," one of them observed. "You will have to attend to the cow."' "My dear!" said the cowowner, with confidence, "1 bought that cow for my convenience—not for the cow's convenience."

"What makes that hen of yours cackle so loudly?" inquired Jenkins of his neighbour. "Why, they've just laid the cornerstone for the new working men's club across the road, and sho's trying to make the neighbours think she laid it."

Tho women .who have been prosecuted for marrying several soldiers to get their allowances may be said to have husbanded their resources.

"John," exclaimed tho nervous woman, "I believe there is a burglar in the house." ''I haven't time to fool with small fry," was the sleepy response. "I've spent the entire day in fighting regular profiteers."

Willie: What's chaos, Johnny? Johnny:. Chaos? Oh—-er—yes—chaos is a great heap of nothing and nowhere to put it!

She: Goodness, Henry! How queer baby looks! I think ho is going to have a fit. He: By George! I believe you are right. Where is my camera?

"I understand that the young- man in the house next to you is a finished cornetist?" "Is he? Thank goodness! I was just screwing up my courage to finish him myself. .Who did it?"

Policeman: He's insane, yer worship, 1 found him standing at a corner having an altercation with his wife. Magistrate: That doesn't prove him to be insane. Policeman: His wife , wasn't there, yer worship!

"Mummy, may I havo that chocolate you promised me?" "Bless tho child, didn't I tell you you shouldn't have any at all if you didn't keep quiet?" "Yes, mummy." "Well, the longer you keep quiet the sooner you'll get it!"

Phrenologist: This largo bump running across the back of your head shows that you are inclined to be curious to the jjoint of recklessness. Client: You arc right. I got that by sticking my head into tho hotel lift-shaft to see if tho lift was coming up, and it was coming down. My curiosity was more than satisfied!

Intrepid Widow: "Speaking of conundrums, Mr. Slocum, hero's a good one: 'Why is tho letter "d" like a, wedding ring?'" Procrastinating Bachelor: "Oh, I'm no good at conundrums." Intrepid WitJowi "You siv« it up? Why. b«<jß.u*», '.vw*1 can't be 'wedI.,without it!'1