HER TURN.

Evening Post, Volume XCI, Issue 143, 17 June 1916, Page 16

HER TURN.

Mary had a little ring, 'twas giTen her by Joe, And everywhere that Mary went that ring was sure to go. She took tho ring with her one day, when eho went out to tea, Where she might show it to tho girls, who numbered twenty-three. And when tho girls all saw that ring, . they made a great' ado. Exclaiming with one voice: "Has it at last got round to you?"

THE PUZZLING POINT.

Enthusiastic Aviator (after long explanation of principle and workings of his biplane)— Now you understand ib, don't you? ■ • ■

Young lady—All but one thing. Aviator —And that is—? Young Lady—What makes it stay up?

ECHOES OF WAR.

An old English lady, who lived alone outsidea small-village, was nervous about Zeppelins, so she made careful enquiries as to her best course. "I don't think there's much to worry about," replied the vicar in answer to her questions. "But if you like, you can do as some folks are doing—sleep in the collar." With profuse thanks, the old lady wont off to alter her domestic arrangements. But in half an hour she was back again, anxiety once moro_ wrinkling her brow. "The cellar's all right for Zeppelin?, sir," she said; "but suppose one o' them there submarines comes instead?"

. Teacher—What lessons did we learn from the attack on the Dardanelles? Prize Scholar—That a strait beats three kings, Dad says.

"I suppose you were touched when your wafe gave you that easy chair?" "I was touched before she gave it."

Officer (visiting sentry)— And what are your duties? Green Sentry (after a few minutes' hesitation) —To prevent any unauthorised person from entering Government property and stop all air raids.

"And you broke off the engagement?" said one young man. "Yos, not brutally, you know. But I managed it." "How?" "Told her what njy salary is."

Officer —Why did you order your prisoner to sit down here? SoldieT—Cos o' the thistles, sir.

She —I suppose you know all the bsst people in town? He—Yes,, but I don't have to associate with them.

"Say, old chap, are you fond of moving pictures?" "I should say so!" "Then come round to our house next Tuesday, and give a hand. We're moving that day." . |

Magistrate (during dispute ovar eightday clock)-—I award the clock -to tiro plaintiff. Defendant—Then what do I get? Magistrate—l'll give you the eight days. • i !

j "Was _ her father violent when you asked him for her hand?" "Was ho? Great guns! I thought he'd shake my hand off."

Tommy (dictating letter to be sont to his wife) —The nurses here are a Tory plain lot —"

Nurse—Oh, come! I say ! • That's not very polite to us.

Tommy—Never mind, Nurse, put it down. It'll please her! !

"Don't you get tired'of having summer boarders tell you how to run the farm ?" "No," replied Farmer Corntossel, "ruir nin' the farm seems so easy to a summer boarder that I'm kind o' hopeful one of them'll come along an' offer to buy it."

"They say," remarked tho spinster boarder, "that tho woman who hesitates is lost." "Lost is not tho proper word for it," growled the fussy old bachelor at the pedal extremity of the table. "She's extinct." ,-'

Willis—You don't see many of the brainless-looking creatures of the fashion, artist walking through the pages' of the magazine as you used to. Gillis—No; th«y_ are ail riding in tho automobile advertisements now

Parson (to newly-wedded _ pair)— The marriage state imposes various duties. The husband must protect his wife, while the wife must follow tho husband whithersoever he goes. Bride —Lor', sir, can't that be altered in our case? My ma.n is going to the trenches to-morrow morning.

"Of course,- I want my daughter to have some kind of artistic education. .1 think I'll Jet her study singing,",. said Mrs. Neighbour. "Why not art or literature ?" suggested Mrs. Highbrow. "Art spoils caJivas and literature wastes reams of .paper. Singing merely produces a temporary disturbance of tho atmosphere,"- was the reply.

Patience —You say you hoard Mdmo. Highsee in vaudeville to-day ?. PatriceYes; first time she's been heard in thi3 country. Patience—Non&enso! Sho sang: in this country in opera for two years. Patrice —Yes, sho was in opera, but everybody talks at tho opera, and nobody heard her.

She was on© of those little women who are always looking for something that will take up their husbands' idlo time. "John," she said, "I wish you would mend the front door lock." "C'-oan't,"'' "replied John, quaking like an aspen loaf. "I've g-got t-the s-shakiug ague." "Oh, well, then, I know the very thing; you caji shift the ashes."

The sexton of a suburban church has many stories to tell of the comments made by visitors. On the occasion of a festival, when the church was beautifully decorated with evergreens and flowers, an old lady walked up (he aisle to the chancel and stood sniffing tho air after everyone hail I*ft the church. "Don't h suiel! solemn?" she said at last, to the sexton, ns she turned away \vjl,h evident reluctance. "1 don't know -m «ver I real.iiOfl jujt whftt t!«» 'odour oi swictitj1 exewtt before to-day."