SOME OLD CONUNDRUMS.

Evening Post, Volume LXXXII, Issue 151, 23 December 1911, Page 14

SOME OLD CONUNDRUMS.

. AND A FEW NEW ONES. What tree is neare«t the sea? — Th« beech. I Who wae the first that bore arme?— ' Adam. What man had no father ?— Joshua, tho son of Nun. What relation is the door to the mat I —A etep-fa(r)thor. ' What can you Jill a barrel with to make it lighter ?— Moles. ' When is a silver cup most likely to run? — When it's cha«ed. Why is a gaoler like a a*u«ic*aul' {Because he fingers the keys. When is 0, bill like a gun?— Whom ii ia presented and discharged. « « Why is a dirty child liko flannel?— Because it shrinks from washing. What made the tart tart r«~Sho didn't want to let the baker bake bar. Why k gout like reciprocated love?— Because it's a joint affection. When is a crickets like a euccttusfal suitor?— When' ho in bowled (bold). Why is a sovereign gained like a guinea ?"-Beoauee it Ss one pound won. Why k a tir«ome orator lik*awh»l«! ; — Because he often i'i«e« to epout. Why is lip salve like a ohapewMi?— BecMise it is meant to k<wp the chat* ! off. . Why are good husband* like doufth?-, Because women need (knead) them, I Who may marry many a -wife, uuf <raf live .Single all hi* lifoT-A ciMgynum/ Why is an umbrella like a paucak©?—, Because it is 1 seldom seen after lout. Why ie a pmol n most irascible animal ?—Becau«e lie »lwaya has his back up. Why ie a spider a good correspondent ? ¦•—Because he drops a line by evervi post. Jl Why is a /ishinoag&r never generous? •~ Because hw bu&inesa makes him «ellHfih. Why is the letter D like a wedding ring ?— Because we cannot be wed wifcht out it. Why is Sunday the strongest day m tho week ?— Because the rest are w««fc day*. ', W i l y J s a Dorter like an iudiarubber ' ball ?— Because he Is empty and full of bounce. ' * What &ort of locks would bo the best for a besieged town?— Why, bullockc, of course. Why is an army like a aewepaper?.Because it has leaders, columns, and reviews. Why is the- root of the tongue, lika' » dejected v man ?— Because ~ it's down in the mouth. Why are fixed stars like pens, ink, and paper ?— Because they are stationary (stationery). Why is a policeman, like a, rainbow 7^BecaUfie he generally appears afte* the storm.is over. Why is a hungry man willing to be a martyr ?-*Beeau66 ho is ready to go to the steaki Why is a lady in a cotton flress Uke anything published ?— Because the appears in print. Why are all duels very short »ffairt; — Because it only requires two seconds to arrange them. . , ; What is that whioji never Mice aajr questions and yet requites many an. BWersT— The door-bell. What is the difference between ageoa and a bad oyster?— One is a native, atid the "other ie a settler. * Why is a novelist the funniest oma* ture in tho world ?— Because his tale (tail) comes out of hi& head. Why is it dangerous to take a nap in a railway carriage f-^-Because the tram always runs over sleepeth. . \ Why is a man goimj aba hill ike another agreeing to a proposition ?-r Because he makes assent (ascent). Why are bakers the .most- self-deny-ing people f— Because they' sell what they knead (need) themselvV*.' ' . » Why is a baldheaded man like a coursing greyhound ?— Because he has jLo make a little hare go a great way. Why is it an insult to a cock-sparro)ff to mistake him for a pheasant?— Because it is making game of , •hint. What word is that- oi! fiVo ' syllable*, from which if you 'take.' one away, no syllable remains ?~~Mpnoeyllable. Why are books your beet friends?— Because, when they bore yon, ym «ttt shut them "up without giving ' offence." What (s that from which you oan take away the "whole," and yet hay« "some" left?— -The word "wholesome 1 1.1? 1 Why is it impossible for a person who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies?— He takes, every miss for a Myth. Why would it be unhealthy to live ut Niagara? — Because one would be having a cataract' always in the eye. Why are there more marriages in winter than in summer? — Because the men seek comforters and the women seek muffs. Why should you ride a vicious b.or*u if you want to get rich ?— Because you are no sooner on than you ate bettor off. Why would it be imposflible > tor a mitt - to help his sister out of -a difficulty }-- Because he could not be a brother attd assist her (a sister) too. ¦ What is the difference between a'caj> and a document? One has claws E at (he end of itos paws, and .' t!he other h&* paueee at the end of it* tlauAoS. Why was Noah the. greatest fmancitne of his time ?— Because he managed to keep his company afloat ' when everything eke was in liquidation. AVhy ie coal the most .'contoadiotto/ article known to commerce? — Ifcgatate when it is purchased inebeadof gouig to the buyer it'goes to the cellar. ' Why is a person reading these oon^iix drums like a man condemned io undtf* go a military execution ?-r-Because b« is pretty sure to be riddled to death. Why, in case of a revolution, do the people stand to lose more than ' &• king ?— Because the king loses only # crown, but the people lose a .sovereign. Why is a postage stamp a mcit i«\» fortunate thing ?— -Though it sticks to its duties to tho very lotteiv, ii gets its kt?<td punched, its face disugui'td, and ft good HckiiM. • Why ie it dangerous to walk about iv the springtinio?-~Be<:auee th« grass la p>uttina; forth blades, evory flower bas a pistil, the trees are shooting, and }>}»« bulrushes <>ut,