LIFE'S FITFUL FEVER.

Evening Post, Volume LXXV, Issue 27, 1 February 1908, Page 9

LIFE'S FITFUL FEVER.

ißy Dr. F. H. Charity.)

ODD SYMPTOMS.

Save us from the amateur meteorologist. Deliver us from the man who flashes the thunderbolt about with one hand, and throws earthquakes at us with the other. The Post's senior morning contemporary, which purports to despiso "vulgar > newsmongers*," and is unashamed of a confession, -which must be ombanassing at least, has let loobo the dogs of elemental war upon the community. A prophet, who' 'has beeh practising in a humble wayi' is soaring ' more boldly. He had a little luck when he hinted at a period of dry weather in mid-summer,, and his success is spurring him to ■ greater achievements. "Earthquakes, tidal waves, or hurricanes" are dus about 2nd February It is a dreadful prospect. Is Wellington land to slump at last, arid is the great benefactor to be an, amateur meteorologist? It is prayed, however, that the earthquake, the tidal wave, and the hurricane will find moro sinful people to afflict. If that prophet managed to set a hurricane upon* us, no one knows what' awful catastrophe he would arrange ' for us afterwards. Mr. P. B. Publico is ; very angry about Mr. P. L Afrieatio.' The other da>' Mr Pro Leone Africano complained that the Newtown lion's cage was too sinalJ to allow his Majesty to strut about for the 1 edification of the small boys. Mr. Africano therefore suggests that "King Dick" should have an enclosure something like the kangaroo'?. This heresy has given Publico considerable pain. He says' that lie is in charge of the lion, and resents the interference of ' Mr. Airicano" or anybody else. "The, animal should not be penned up always," he declares. "My idea is that the. lion should be let 'loose once a 'week to roam anywhere at, will. The children could be locked up that day, i and adults would have to ' shift for themselves. The people' are, becoming too feleepy ; " they are ajlowing themselves to be- n<bod winked, in various- directions by the thoughtful. They need sharpening up, and my plan ' would do it*. Of course, everybody would be warned about the time tho lion would be liberated, aqd everybody would necessarily keep a sharp look-out. This - exercise once- a would undoubted-/ ly improve both the- corporal- and tnental eyesight, and -would induce .a litheness and suppleness of mind and body. I had a' telepathic chaf recently with the lion, and he says ho is' willjng to be> a benefactor of -tho' community." 'A local lady journalist has written delightfully about,' man's pockets, and she has charmingly proved to 'the satisfaction of the pocketless — which means ; woman — that pockets are merely a superfluity. It is got long since- a man proved, equally, amusingly, that on the day when woman decided to sacrifice a little beauty of outline fpr the advantage of a pocket, she would undoubtedly rule the world. There ,are tp v be no suffragettes iv England . when woman takes to pockets, for the pocket will bring the franchise which the scratch* ing of policemen cannot gain, and the i pocket will make if possible for woman to be Prime Minister or even Senior Admiral of the Home Squadron. Tho reason is simple. When woman goes abroad all her mental energy is required to look after tho property which the lack of pockets compels her to grasp in her hands— a purse, a parcel, &< book, a newspaper, a. walking-sttek or parasol, possibly a packet of cigarettes, a double handful of 6kirt, and a few other odds and. ends. It is even allejreo* that' "the men }Vho set the fashion- the men , whom woman so # slavishly obeys, are in the pay of politicians who bribo the designers to vigorously' exclude pockets from all the modes. Nothing is so astonishing at first sight, nothing so simple? at 'second thought, as the immediate success of a song, reeking with maudlin. sentiment, 6et to ase'e-saw, mournful tune. '"The Shade of 'the Old Apple Tree" "Would You Carre if I should Leave 'You?' ' ar-e horrible exajnEles, ", and ;tKere are others. Mr. Pub,co says -that heroes not profess to bo a, poet or a composer, but he, thinks that he Is 'to profit a "by the popular -tas£e''f or dreary "pictures of huxinan woe. Here is' one of his efforts : — Netta, Netta, will you heed' me? I don't think that I can feed thee. Bp-kers* horses eat a 'lot, Rent is up and moneys not. Altogether I'm afraid I rqust leave "thee, V>retty maid. All my dreams of cottage lore, Roser, woodbine, cooing dove, Vanished when I read to-da3', "Hair-cut, sixpence"- did ;not pay; Therefore barbers would exact Twice as much. It is a fact. Therefore I will sadly wander, Lonely, darkly, and I'll ponder How our lives were wrecked by prices All too big for such small slices. When. l'm mouldering , In _my grave, Think how once your loving 6iave, '-.Sighed to hdve you for himself, Moaned because he had not' pelf, Pelf -to pay tho butcher, baker, Pelf for barber; candle-maiker. Think how I was slaughtered, Netta, On the altar of tho B\vea.ter. A Blenheim paper records that a hotel bar, which, was damaged by fire recently, "has been jro-erected, and is. now in full swing." Ie is good of tho newspapers in little' .places like Blenheim to give such homely details ; ,it helps the people- to feel moro brotherly a.nd sisterly. ,In a City a few people mostly monopolise the personal space, but in a village eVerybody has an inflings. In Taihape;the cobbler is not ignored. If he misses ,a tack and sevjerely bruises his thumb the local journal . gives him the consolation of "deep regret," and the community 13 kept posted about the progress of the thumb towards the normal. Everybody knows everybody else's -business, and if tho horses and the cows could read the papers they would see that they are not forgotten. "Daisy," the champion milker, would know ~that her rival, "Buttercup," had been bought by Mr. Hay from Mr. Straw, and was giving a pint less a day than formerly. ' No /nari, who grits 'his teeth in the ' city because he ;annot get publicity, unless he appears .at court, should' continue in that sad plight. Let him emigrate to the country, and he «ill get a parafraph every time he changes his tie. 'ho- possibilities of publicity in tho way-back may be the salvation of the nation, for it will tend to prevent people from rushing unduly into the centres of congestion wheic the p>pe'rs take no stock of a now suit or a whitewashing of the fowl-house.

The annual examination, of constables has concluded, " Twenty -eight sat in various parts of the Dominion, and 14 passed. -The subjects were police duty and a knowledge of the Police ,Ofiencos, Gaming, and other Acts with, tho provisions of which every constable is required to be acquainted. The examination, which is not compulsory, was instituted by the Comissioner of Police, with the object of enabling him to form pome idea of the proficiency of the men under his jurisdiction with a view to promotion from time to Urns.,