ROUND ABOUT. A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

Evening Post, Volume LXIX, Issue 118, 20 May 1905, Page 9

ROUND ABOUT. A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

[Br a Casual Chronicled.] There was a rumour abroad in tho city during the week th.it the I'ronuer'.s health was again giving way, aiul that he iv-U-nded to go on the vaudeville s«U)ge in opposition to little llibloncus. A ri'poiter called at his othco to make enquiries «»» the point. "Is Mr. vSiddun in?" ho asked. "Well, yes," .sin! the Soetetarv, "but lie's eng.iginl jtust now. lleV — cr — he'tf enforcing the Shops Act, and mu>t not be dutluibi'd " Notion. g a furtive and heAilitting air in this i-jny. th« reporter smelt a r.it, ami, gum ■ .'nay, lie wade, a ciiciutous detour , olimbid up to the window -sill ot th- iVomier'n loom, where he could look 111 .imivru'iu-d. 'Die I'reinit'i* w.n standing on a talilo in a pictui<M(iii> iiliiiuilt- nnd a siuuglcd cowtuiuo . Mi. ll.ni\ rliLkuulfl wiu, putting him through a .-<»t <>' i-iutliimu. "What us 'iv,iiK iwblo compliance!'" oslced Mr l!u.U'id«. "It is a jiliraMi of studied foggincs*," the Premier leplied in 11 sing Ming voice, "nnd il is principally u*<cd whim in a, tight plitci*. H was invented by R. J. Sfddon, I.C LL.D. Sinto whon I have used no other." "Who w John Duthie?" "He is a politician wht> deserve* 1000 yeuw' haul labour. He us ciuelly infamous oil account of his nubility to M-e thai two and two nv:k« live or three, or any old number that happuis. lo lit the colony's acu>untH." "Itivo the numerals in order up to 100 " "One — two — eight — sixty • three — eleven —two hundred and ninety 1 — fourteen — threo thous'uid and four — six— a, hundred." "Who is High Commissioner of New Zea/and!" "Th«t in not 111 my repertoire Mako a note of it. daddy." • "How ninny Acts has tho present Government. p,w*M-d?" "Kight thousand and fifty -six." '"Wow nianv are in force?'' "Thai, is not in mv repertoire." ( "Dashed funny lopeitoue! However, whn invt'iiuu tin- I'iiilish Kuipire?" •it. J. Hwldmi, JVC, 1, L1)., in 1893. lie also deigned the dear old Motherland and the t tin.. -on tin end ot kinship." "Xx. < lleiit !" hurl Mr. Kickuid.N, a.s tho l'mni'T cuine dov n fi.nn tho t.ihle. "Your only f.um is jour vokf, Imt we cm easily I gei. mor lli.tt by making you op.Mk into j tin 1 big end vi' ,1 nn\M)>noi>e." dm leporler tin 11 left lie .»hit<\s that Mr. Soiidou us undoubtedly eittuicing the Shop* Act ■with grout hny. I'Y'nce intondo willing a deputation to Berlin on the orcaiion of tho Crown l'lincc'.s in.irriiigc. Th 6, nniiouuivtnent of this intention tuutwd v sensation at Ber1 in. iw it i.s conwdered to create >i nuw Kituatiun.— -C.ibta item. If 1 w«r« King, Ami had to Avear a heavy .spiky thing I, ptm my head, and dress in circus clothe*, /mv put on heap* of frill, and ktrut and pose, And wiiggle 'nenth the gazo of all mankind, . I'd find it hard, but still I wouldn't mind If I wore King. If I were King, And had to keep nn eyo on everything, And never had a bles.sed minute's rest, And wore huge hideous medals on my breiist, And couldn't move about without a gang Of cops around — I wouldn't care a hang, If I wero King. If I were King, And felt a holy halo round me cling, And couldn't eat a cliop without thu act Being wired abroad a» a stupendous fart — Thttte things would cuuse the most acute&t puin And mako mo tired, but still I'd not complain, If I were King. Tf I were King, I couldn't havo a Royal gatliering (Tho Intent muno for Boil») without the Press }>iscus«ing it with painful earnestness. A misplaced 11 might plunge two States in war — JDut atill I'd smile, although 'twould be a bore If I were King. But thero i.s just one thing That I'd insist on H I were a King : Sappotte I went to call upon tho girl, There'd be an Ironed Duke or Belted Earl, With noses in a sling, If they came poking round. My wedding ring Would be my own affair. I namo right hero Tlio futo of any man who'd interfere — Some boiling oil or something lingering, If 1 wero King. The Prince of Wales, in opening the cadet headquarter* at Hamptond, eirfogiKcd the Australian example. Ho said the colonists wero right to encourage (he movement, not in order to militarise tho population, but to give the young people training in physical excrcisos, discipline, «md «hooting mtfhVicnt for tho defence of tlio country.-— Cable item. Oilier important cable items, consisting of illuminatiug renmcks by eminent peopio, have como to rrand, imd havo been deemed suluckmtly momentous for inclusion hero: Lord Kelvin, the eminent physicist, speaking beforo tho Royal Society, announced that tliero was evidence thut wut*r shoved distinct traces of moist tire in some circunsfiUineMi. Nll«N ll« things it is premaUire to <uwert, a» Professor Huthorford hiw done, that ib inclines even to wetni&s. Mr. Chamberlain has written to a correspondent stating tlUit unUww a country lwia produced or manufacture* to export iUt outgoing vwwels will not carry largo i cargoes. Instancing tlie Sahara desert as »n exiunple of the danger of Fret-trade, which had ruined the swimming industry tliere, ho s«id New Zealand was right to grow sheep and grain. They were links of Empire. 'I he Kfli/tor, addressing 600.-000 soldiers at a review, wiid that honesty whn the best policy. A rolling stone, lie pointed out, gathered no mw«, and he urged thut evsry son of the Fatherland shmtkl remember that a stitch in time saves nine. Tho Paris journal Debats deprecates tho KuLWh ill-advised utterances. Iv h» message to Congrctw, President Roosevelt stairs th.it universal peace, ami tho abolition of war. would mvvent the deaths of large numbers of soldiers. Commenting on fchia speech, tho London Times says that the President's dictum is, its Utfunl, Mound and striking, and it «xpresse« tho opinion thai, (hough timid natures might shrink from accepting the President's new doctrine, the time lw.s co-ne when facto must be looked in tho 'lh- Government Poultry Expert (Mr. Bydt-«, speaking at a public function in Biet Mm last Wednesday, mentioned that he wa.l moving k> have a poultry column included in the papers for next census Ho predicted that the information that would be elicited would surprise most people. I have fifled tho census paper; I have duly written down. In the columns that were sent to me to fill, Tho secret swred details of tl»e family of Bf»WM|

But I feel that theie ia something wauling m t ill. I have made .m honcht ht.itement that my Chii.'-ti.in name is James, I have eincii'd up uiy ailments and my •'»!•' ! Bub 1 know there's something missing, tlmtujli I've written all our name!*. And 1 hen's not 1111 empty column in the p.ige. In a con.-i lentioiw aim to give the fullest iiitoiin.itioii I've mi hided de.ir old Rover and tho e.it , And I've added, inter alia, a solemn atliiiiiiititin Re tho «i/.e and shape and colour of my hat. But I know it all is useless— lt is labour tin own away. Tho . eiwus is dishonest — bogus—cooked. 1 wish I could discover what is lacking in— but May ! I havo it! Why! The hens aio overlooked ! The world will know Ihe detail* of our people and our trade, But. they ye.irn to hear the number of our hen.s, For they I»;im> tho estimation of tlio progi'i.s,N wo have made On the Wy.imlottes mid- Leghorns in thu pens. And lli.-y call these people statesmen who anaiijjod this tutiie cennis! These umnspiied p.iiut-hml lumps of t lav ! And to think that we entrust them with the cue of our deft, i nc<"« J When our greatest key to fame is thrown aw.iy. But 1 know Hut iv a brighter age a patriot strong and true Will lit mly anil unswervingly insist Thai we'll never be a nation till tho hens hnvo gut, their due, *uid are. given place of honour in the list. "I s«o mo frind Jawn D. Rockefeller is at it, again," said Mr. Dooley. "Wasn't it him that gey billions t* th' churches, an' th' churches refused thiio?" asked Mr. Hennissy. "ft was, rlitiuissy, an' though Jawn wns hurl whin t hoy threw back his bullion h->'a not demised. '\\\'ll,' ho bii.v-i, "if I e.m'l liny a conthrollni' int'rist,' says 1k v , 'there's nawthin* f'r ifc but a combine,' ho oays. His id>d is v Clmrt.li Tm.it, to cotnolidate enmp.'tiliw religions, an' he's goin' t' submit th' proposal t' th' various denominations. I thought it would come in time, an' I'm afra ; d th' day iv chape religion is past. There'll bo no moro tlint.'iiies in the plate, an' (h* vistry won't havo t' hold amuiil auctions iv buttons a nny more. Whin yo eomo V lliink iv it, it's ,1 woudhir no wan ivor thought iv th* ido" l)cfiir.\ There's tli 1 Trust Ciqarrtl-, an' th' Trusl reaper mi' binder, an' |h' Trust this an' that an' tii other tiling, so why not th' Trust .Sermon? It had t' cmiw, an' th' day isn't far off whin ww t > shall hail th' arrival iv th' Trust Pome. I can see th' day whin there'll Irivo t' he an Anti Church Monop'ly Act passed. Today, look round yo, an' ys> sco fivo hundhrr an' eighty wan thoiispn' diffrent sects engaged in cutthroat competition. Th' eollnction plat<» has boen squeezed out in th' rush, an' instead iv askin' f'r conthribiitums aonw iv In' churches in Ainiir'r.i is providin' a brass lwnd an' ic-wl dhrinks an' cigars f'r th' congregations. ' Tin ruinous,' Bays Jawn D. Kocko feller. 'Let's consolitl.ite an' stop this awful competition. Lot's forrm n Trust,' he says, 'an' boycott thini that won't jjno. 'Twill be oxpinsivo at first,' says ho, 'until they cave in,' says h*?, Hint, it's worth it, 1 Jin says. They'll buy up all th' »ermons. Havo yo a new idee on sonio unknown tixt? They'll cim«e y«« f'r it. The day will ho whin yo can't hear a mormon that lusn't got th' Trust trade mark blown in th' bottle. If ye \v,mt f attend church yell havo r' pay th' Trust tariff, an" ye can bet th' old thrip'ny won't let yo in. We may as well melt our minds up f'r th' worst." \ "It stems a turrblo idee," said Mr Ileunc&sy, "It might have been worse," replied ; Mr.^ Dooley. "They might havo floated Par disc iK>lf into an incorp'rated conip ny."

It is surprising and at tht> same time giatifying (says the Paris correspondent of 'Ihe Times) to sco with what abaoluto calm the nitwt inipoitant utterances of tho Kmporor William are now liolened to in France. The timo was when a speech from him such ius that- delivmed at Bremen would have cuuscd a flutter in tinPans picas and would havo been the talk of every club and cafe in the town. Such i.s no longer the case, and it has bvcoino diflicull to aimwer the question, "What do the French think of thu German Emperor's speech at V Tho fact is they Imvo a grcut many other things to think about just now, and Komohow as time goe« 011 the. German Emperor appears to (hem a les-s formidable factor in the international situation than ho used to be. That sen.siblo newspaper tho Siccle quietly exumiiius Uio principal statement* of hift Majesty** haiangue at Bremen, and gives the Kmpcror ciedit for being a convert to pacific ideas. In reply to some critiewms passed by Herr Uebel, tho Hociali.st leader, in tho Reichstag regarding tho Moroccan policy of tho Uerm.m Government, Count yon Bulow, in tho eourau of hi.s remarks, made three most important btiytcinents : (1) Onniany seeks no territory in Afoionto; (2) Germany will insist on tho policy of tliu open door in Morocco a.s iv China ; (3) and, perhaps mast iiupaitatit of all, Germany will shortly open up direct commuiiicatiuiM* with the Sultan of Morocco for H.ifogmudiiig Gorman intercuts in las Kinpirc The Soeiiil Democratic parly in Russia liikh iNMied a proclamation, announcing that owing to the closing up of •all peaceful mot hods of agitation it i.s changing it« toctks and temporarily adopting violent methods, which are tlio only kind left. LeulMs if-supd in Poland announce the intention of the revolutionary party to kill, one hy one, every oliiccr who took part in thn slaying of unarmed inlmliitiints during tho recent strikes. Several have alivMcly been shot hy persons unknown. _ The (ilcnorchy correspondent of tho Southland 'I lines writes: "We have hern able lo rejoit'o in pome bountiful weather here for thn LiM. two month*, taking it on the whole, tlieie being a few fihowers and sharp frost* now; and again. Harvesting, with the exception of tho Kamslaw Mutate, which has not yet llmshed, has been completed everywhere wuccessfully. Mr. Duiiery, h.iving within the hust few months bought the M.tvora nnd Mararoa Stations, 3m nt present mustering his sdieep of tho Reos Valley Station to take lo the former plwce.s. Next week two steamers will bo engaged ill shipping 8000 «hcep across the lake to Nicholas, » distance of 20 mile*, from which plar-e they will Iw driven. This in the hugiv-st mob of sheep ever (.hippod from the district, and the Ree.s Valley in now t-tockless, with the except Inn of borne cattle and nine led deer which weie lately liberated thorp. 1 The Governors of the Russian piovini'es of Vitebsk, Ti'hernigofl', Kursk, and tho adjoining provinces have roceiral reports stuTing that the peasants everywhere are holding loikmotes or <■ominiMi.il .T?3«i>blies at which they disc Hi's Father («;ipon'a rcvohttionaiy let U-r, which is invariably endorsed with the customary phrase skltod pastanm il ispolniat, whicli means "the gatliering ..as resolved that this be exoc«t«d."