ABOUT "THE HOUSE." A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

Evening Post, Volume LXVIII, Issue 80, 1 October 1904, Page 9

ABOUT "THE HOUSE." A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW.

[Bt a Casual Chhonioleb.] "L'Etat, e'est moi !" In other words, "I am the State." Mr. Seddon, being a man of action — one of those strong, stern, silent men who occupy no space in Hansard — has not made this observation, but he acts it, which amounts to the same thing. Accordingly, when the House met on Tuesday, there was nothing really doing, and there descended on everything the gloom which afflicts "Hamlet" when the Prince of Denmark is having a holiday, and the other muin- • mere endeavour to infuse a little life into the corpsed performance. It was one of the deadest days of the session — a legislative "dies non" almost. In an utterly bored condition, members spent the afternoon struggiing with the Waipori Balls Electric Bill — a measure that excites no interest outside Dunedin, and which creates in the minds of the ' cold, wet Dunedinites themselves mere.y,a dour and .sombre enthusiasm, like the news of a funeral or the intelligence that "bang Tiant saxpence." The evening was occupied with the Electoral Bill, and this roused a certain amount of interest here • and there in the House, but even this important measure, which aims at making every one vote, failed to hold the interest of the galleries. "This is an important measure," said Mr. Ell just a little to leeward of midnight, and members displayed their recognition of the fact by curling up on their seats and sleeping the sleep of the heedless, punctuated by bored wheezes and aloof snores. Half an hour after midnight the Biil was finished for the time. The Council waa also infected with the general lassitude, and did nothing, but Councillors scorned any sueh i miserable subterfuge as a long sitting. 4 They met merely to adjourn. The Attorney-Gene-ral's manner in moving the adjournment ia inimitable. He rises — his appearance is one of # the most pleasing and dignified in tlie buildings,- "Sir," and a slight pause. Members stop whispering and gaze at him rapt and expectant. Then, with the air of a scientist announcing the discovery of perpetual motion, "I beg to move that this Council do now adjourn." He invests this commonplace remark with a subtle charm and a dignity that is beyond description,, and a solemnity that would not be inadequate if he were moving: that this earth do now burst. It is worth going miles to see. It is Art. ' And the Council does then adjourn. The slackness, as has been hinted, is due to the absence of the Premier at his silver jubilee in Westland. Westland is full of poets, and- they are sure -to do full justice to the occasion. There is no good reason, however, why a Gentile and an alien should not pay his tribute. Tribute herewith. WHEN WESTLAND CALLS. There's a voice that calls to London, * there's a voice that calls to fame. (Oh, the role of High Commissioner! 1 Oh, the salary and the fun !) There's a voice that speaks of Dukedom (?) and a new ancestral name : There's a voice that calis for further shining laurels to be won. There's a voice in every zephyr; I have heard it time and oft. It's the nations wildly calling, I am wanted by them ail. In my loudest blares and- bellows I have heard the murmur soft : From the' blooming whole CreationHear the cail ! Bat clear amidst the clamour comes a summons from the Coast. • (Oh, the long waves on the beaches! Oh, the sempiternal rain !) They have bade me to a. banquet. (Oh, the cheering at the toast "To our member, grown to greatness, ' who has come to us again !" It ia there that I must hie me, to my silver jubilee In my faithful far off kingdom where the rain for ever falls, . And where people talk of Good Old Dick in accents fresh and free. It is there that I ati going— Weafcland calls! In my heart my old wet Westland ever holds an ample space. (Oh, the days of old Kumara! Oh, the oldien, golden days!) I have paid with ample largesse. (Oh, the sluice-box and the rac9 !) ' I have loaded it with favour in a hundred thousand ways. So I'm off to Hokitika, where I'm Diqk, the old Dick, still ; And I do not care a copper if the Empire sinks and falls ; For I'm bound for Ross and Greymouth : I am off to Tom and Bill, And the dear, old friends and places (Ob, my beating heart ! Be still !) And the world is all forgot when Westland calls. The Wednesday portion of these notes usually deals with the weekly growl of members over the inept answers given by Ministers to their questions. This Wednesday is a happy exception, as members had an opportunity to express the same 'old disgust. Like Tuesday, Wednesday was far, far from gay. Waipori again occupied the afternoon, and in the evening a long string of little Bills were gone through.. The day was remarkable for a speech by the Hon. C. H. Mills r which, for irrelevance and verbosity, has no parallel in the? history of the world. Introducing a little Bill dealing with the Cook Islands, he arose armed with a terrific pile of type-written sheets, and poured forth an unending stream of remarks regarding the Cook Islands. It ' was the original "copy" from which the Cook Islands report, a. bulky volume of a hundred pages, circulated last week, was compiled. Members groaned, wriggled, murmured, yawned in the Minister's face, turned their backs on him, but all in vain. It was a chance that he waa not going to miss, and he went on and on until members were lulled into oblivion. This extraordinary performance ended at last, and a debate took place which ended in the Bill going through its second reading. Other little things kept the House till half an hour afte*r midnight.

The general stagnation did not escape the notice of the vigilant Leader of the Opposition, who smilingly bade the world bo of good cheer, because it was evidently the intention of the Government to confine its efforts to compiling the laws and doing harmless trivialities. As long as the Government does this, he says, there is no cause for alarm. That is certainly good news, and warrants a hymn of jubilation. Lo 1 the joyful order's issued ! let us take a holiday! Let us revel in our legislative peace ! For a time our hearts are empty of anxiety. Hurray ! For a session the experiments will cease. Since the lordship of our autocratic Premier began We have groaned beneath an evergrowing load Of laws contrived to make our suffering country lead the van, And storm along to somewhere on an nn'considered plan, ; With a whoop of "Faugh-a-ballaoth ! j Clear the road'" l

The stunning startling Statutes that have set our hair on end, That have made our life a compromise between A nightmare and an earthquake, or a nerve- destroying blend Of a geyser and a. powder magazine— These Statutes are suspended for a while, and we are free While they make a compilation of the law. We can reckon on a season of complete stability. Oh ! the joy to wake at sunrise, lift the window-blind and see The grey old Earth revolving as of yore. We can go about our duties with an air of self-possession, For they tell us that there's no immediate cause For despair or deep depression, since the only work this session Concerns the compilation of the laws. We ( can go to sleep in confidence, serene and unperturbed, No more in awful nightmares tossed and whirled; For the planetary system will be wholly , undisturbed, For we've seen the indications' that the Government has curbed j Its passion to reorganise the world.

A profitable time was spent by the Council on Thursday discussing the rights and wrongs of the Wellington Corporation's proposals with respect to the Lambton "leases. Some hard things were said about our City Fathers, and more than one member, with all the abandon of a reactionary candidate at a municipal by-election, spoke encouragingly of "mental obliquity," "strange fatality," "slothfulness," "muddle," and other unpleasant substances. The Hon. F. Trask— who hails from the "Sleepy Hollow" of Nelson, and whose political career consists mainly of solemn asseverations of his entire -agreement with the • hon. member who said that two and one was three — brought down the House with a complaint that the Wellington Corporation was expecting the Council (including himself) to straighten out his tangles. He threw out his chest, and conveyed the impression that he was being imposed upon. The Council rose with the debate unfinished. The day is bound to come when the Maori will rise in his wrath and pursue the Government with a club and a cooking pot. Once again the refusal of the Government to let the Maoris administer their lands come on in the Hoiise. This is a hobby of Mr. A. L. D. Eraser's, and he became eloquent upon the injustice which is done to our coloured fel-low-citizens. The subject becomes more ■ threatening every time it comes up, and whenever Mr. Kaihau is there, with his [ interpreter beside him, there is sure to be something interesting and exciting. On this occasion the burly champion of the natives was highly excited, and with impassioned gestures and a variety of tone ranging from a high-pitched shriek to a passionate whisper, he snorted the loudest kind of defiance at the Government. The day would come, he urged, when the Government would find itself in dire trouble, and he, personally, would work to that end unless they saw the errors 'ot their ways. "Strike out all the laws affecting the natives," he shouted in bubbling Maori, and the interpreter waved his arms as he translated, being infected with the enthusiasm. With a final eloquent whirl, Mr. Kaihau sat down, and the adjournment for dinner arrived shortly afterwards. The evening was flat as a billiard table in a dead calm, and drains and water-races meandered sluggishly through the proceedings. It u| superfluous to mention the snores. •

Wh% the, House has been. sinking into ,coma, the old Council has been ' doing pretty well this week. It was brisk on Thursday, and was brisk ajjain yesterday, as it dealt with the Wellington City Leasing Bill. Various members from Old Man Plain and Lone Dog Gully lectured the local Corporation with great severity, and fixed an irate glare on its proceedings. Two or three members wanted to know why the newspapers had 'not got excited and invited "Pro Bono Publico" and the other famous writers to dilate at length on the subject. But it is a no torious fact that by some strange fatality the individuals who edit newspapers havtj invariably mistaken their vocation and are utterly ignorant of their business, while the world is full of people who could edit a paper with their big too, while they conducted a, hotel with their left hand, managed a bank with their right leg, juggled cannon-balls with their right hand, balanced an eel on the end of their nose, and meanwhile skated round on their left ear and simultaneously dictated novels to the stenographer. Hence there is no need for wonder. The Bill got through its second reading. Gloom pervaded the House. ' The afternoon was a variegated discussion .on various matters that did not greatly matter. The evening found the Hon. C. H. Mills pompously attempting to push a Cook Islands Bill through the House. H« waa baited and badgered, and the Opposition enjoyed the exquisite joy of seeing the harassed Minister, after three hours' debate, abandon the essential clauses on the Bill. A somnolent consideration of Estimates filled in the "wee uma' houre." Tht Estimates concerned butter and Kerry cowu, and other thick, solemn substances, and with the Hon. T. Y. Duncan at the helm, things stagnated along like a lost funeral in a fog. A visit to the gallery at 2 a.m. discovered Mr. Witty addressing a void and vacant universe about condemned cattle. Something over half an hour later even Mr.' YYuay was in bed. Thus our laws are made. No wonder they often appear like the product of an Intoxicated Crown Indian in a state of coma on a dark night.