THE WARD RECEPTION COMMITTEE.

Evening Post, Volume L, Issue 48, 24 August 1895, Page 4

THE WARD RECEPTION COMMITTEE.

[By Due Own Mahatma.J I got the straight griffin that a first and final dividend was to be deolared by the Ward Banquet Syndicate, and, by projecting my unseen ideality under the Chairman's blotting-paper, I was able to take stook to my own satisfaction. I took with me an apprentice, who acquitted himself charmingly for a beginner. His offioe was to act as ventriloquist, with a variety of voioeß, and he is denoted in the report as V.V. The Chairman opened the proceedings by regretting that patriotism waa at so low an ebb that leas than a dozen Liberals showed up at Buoh a function as this was. It appeared to him that when any nnexpeoted emergency arose, or any gap was to be filled up, he had to aot the part of the Boman hero Curtius, who saved Borne by leaping into the gulf. Indeed, he felt that both in respect to the Imperial Institute, the Ward Committee, the Horowhenaa pnrohtae, and other matters, he had aoted as the SUer-up for any Hiatus whioh might ooour. V.V. — Try yon* HiATtia on 8.N.Z., cooky. Chairman — Beally this interruption ia singular, not to say impertinent, and quite out of order. To proceed : I regret that some gentlemen who became guarantors have excused themeelveß from their promisoß on various grounds, and others who are profeßsed Liberals have looked upon the funds of this Committee as (not to put too fine a point on it) legitimate plunder. There lie before me a waggon-load of bills and demands which the Committee have had to consider, and, I may say, swear over and pay. The Liberalism of these people is this: They looked upon the Ward Beoeption. Committee as a flook of aheep to be shorn by those professing admiration for Mr. Ward, and who had tried every artful dodge to raise a oheque. V.V. — Expede Herculem. Chairman — I was not aware that any Liberal except myself waa acquainted with Virgil. I may say that among the guarantors a most humiliating falling away from grace has been manifested. One of our legislators actually deduoted the price of his ticket from his guarantee, and inflioted three pages of foolscap on the Committee, denouncing us for incompetence, extravagance, and want of business knowledge. Others whose names I wUI not mention spoke in derogatory terms of the brilliant finanoier whose genius we all recognise — Mr. Ward. V.V.- Hot. His finanoe is all frills and no shirt. Chairman— That is not in Virgil. But to proceed. An aboriginal gentleman was approached by me personally, as he did not reply to any letters demanding the £5 5b he had guaranteed. I represented to him that Government had got themselves into very hot water over a certain JE2OOO transaction, and the least- he could do was to pay this £5. I pride myself on l uy influence with the noble Maori, but in thif. case all I could get was an offer of it small coin as the value of the Ttai iai pc 'sonally consumed, and a recommendation to go to the Kakas for further satisfaction. There is a balarice of £46 ISs in hand, and among accounts wo have paid unwillingly and after many appeals to patriotic feeling are the following : — The first is made out on a Customs entry form, and is for the sum ot £2 19a, disbursements on behalf of the Com. mittee Appended is the foUowing memo, on tbe Customs entry .- — " I have worked off more mining eorip than any other man in Wellington, bnt I never had such a tough job to get rid of anything as tickets to the Ward banquet I could not give them away, and I have not charged for a box of Cookie's pills I had to invest in before I got over it all." The next account is from a prominent Labour leader. It reads as foUows :— To expert personal services in

Total £3 0 0 V.V.— That man ought to be in the Upper Honse. The Chairman -Gentlemen, I wUI take no notice of the interruptions. There are other acconnts of dealers who Bent in samples of liquor to the Committee, who tried aU of them. 7 hese bills, being for quantities under two gallons, are not reooverable by law under the Licensing Act. However, the claimants have suggested that if they substituted p&ti de foie grot for ohampagne in their billß, the Committee might entertain the claims. We did not agree to suoh an evasion, therefore the bills have been ordered to be read this day six months. V.V. — That was. a oheap guzzle, anyhow. The Chairman— l wUI cow call npon some gentleman to propose a resolution as to the disposition of the surplus. A Committeeman proposed that the' Ward Beception Committee should merge into the Seddon Presentation? Committee, and the Burplns should follow the Committee. He thought that if both the cash and the Committee went together it might make an impression. It must be obvious to everybody since the Canadian tariff had the stuffing knocked out of it that it waa time to drop Ward and worship Seddon. He was no orator— like a certain gentleman present — but he was a regular snorter at singing, and would ask the company to join him in a little hymn of adoration. Behold ! our Dick is safe in jxmer, We ore the favourites of the hour. "What jf the country"* hoard is low, So long as ice ore in the know ? What are we ? Ministerial tools ? Perhaps so— but there ore greater foola. We for our pockets play the trame, The fools go laretr, aU the same. V.V. — Chorus, gentlemen. " Liberal* all— what's in a name t" Another member then proposed that the balance should be divided between i he Secretaries and the Unemployed Belief Fund. He said the Secretaries had worked ardnonsly for two .months, and it would be anew phase of utilising the unemployed by the Liberals if they got people to work for nothing. Then the Orator of the syndicate arose He was wrathful and virtuously indignant ; and when he had snorted twice he found his voice. Sir-r-r, my feelings are soattaalised ; my sense of commer-r-r-cial mor-r-rality is shocked at the suggestion to divert these Eunds. They are ear-marked, sir-r-r ! This money ib soared. The proposal to pass a vote to the Secretaries out of this fund autragea my feelings, Bir-r-r. If the Secretaries' work is to be recognised, I, for one, will put my hand 'in my pocket. V.V. — Leave mine alone, anyhow. The Orator — The balance must be divided among the guarantors. Commercial morality, Bir-r-r, has been the mainspring of my existence— and look at bhe results of a virtuous life ! There is no text, air-r-r, in Holy Soriptnre whioh is so persistent and far-reaobing for the jommeroial man as " Bender unto Cssar the things that are Cissar's." V.V.— Go into holy orderß right away the new Bishop ain't within a stone and alalf of you. The Orator — Sir-r-r, I call on you to ceep order. Suoh interruptions interfere with the coherence of my eloquence. The lyndioate had nobly recognised Mr. Ward's inapproachable talent as a financier in his owp in London and his Budget here. V. V.— What about Duthie's Budget ? The Orator (indignantly)— Sir, I resume ny seat. During this speeoh it was remarked that a gentleman with a tear in his eye was anxious <o say or do" something — the tear itself was noat in evidence. As soon as the Orator at down a voice, also tearful, started mother little hymn : — Oh, mj Biohard ! I adore thee ; Thon may'st wipe thy boots on me. Humbly we Thy Highness offer What wu left from Joe Ward's spree. Here a souffle took place, and it was seen hat the rank and file of the Byndioate bad aft the room without the beat of drum, -hen tbe Hiatus became ao extensive that yen the Chairman failed to fill the gap. lien a gentleman of olerioal designation roceeded to strike an attitude with a view f passing a vote of thanks to the officers, nd when he had got as far as " I think it rould be a graoe " the rest of the meet3g, including the Hiatus, vanished into thin ir, leaving the Mahatma and V.V. in possssion.

pruueutiiuu ... ... ... ... am £, 'o priming £0 barrackers for hurrahing when the Hinemoa arrived, six pints each 3 0 'hey had to have their throats oiled afterwards, another ... 0 10 'o the banner whioh I supplied ... 1 1 'o contingencies for the Liberal oanse 17