Comic Sketch Competition. Prize Sketch. (By "Schneider.")

Evening Post, Volume XLIX, Issue 134, 8 June 1895, Page 1 (Supplement)

Comic Sketch Competition. Prize Sketch. (By "Schneider.")

AN OLD MAID'S LAMENT. I am on'y a pore old maid, a lone woman wot has been took in, in the most owdachus manner, brought from tho other Bide of the atmosphere "under false expenses, to find, as I said afore, as I had been took in with a delugiou and a snaie ; so I makes DOUld to bring my wronga afore the ejes i of the public, oping (as the letters to the i papers allus says) as some abler pen will take 'em up and make things right for the old maid. Away in the Ould Country, ' earning a 'onest livin' a takin' in mangling, and smoothing the purple and fine linen of ' the democracy, 'appy as the days was long, , was I, till one day there corned along a ¦ smoothed - tongued, soft • viced gelleman i who telled me how hi this 'ere land there . were actilly pore men a runnin' about, i raving and a-tearin' of their 'air, 'cos they ¦ couldn't find no respeotable female woman [ to sew on then- buttons, or cook their 3 vittles comforbable, and my 'art yearned ; over the pore things, for I never could i abide to see a man delected lookin', and I 3 says to myself, "That's the aperewere I ) am inculcated to shine"; bo I deposes of 3 my bizness and crosses the briny oshun, and arrives at this furrin 1 atmosphere, to t find, as I said afore, as I had been took in, a not but wot there was plenty of pore men . looking as if they wanted a decent woman a to look after 'em and attend to their linen, i lots of 'em ; but wot spiles an old maid's i importunities is the widders. Bless you, I - knows wot I am talking about. 'Aven't r I seen 'em with my own eyes a-puttiu' on f their false hairs and a-sighin* and adrawiu' of the pore faluded men on in the n mott extractin' manner till I have d blushed for my sect, and felt I a must up and imposed on 'em. I'd like to s know wot chance a pore old maid 'as if is there's a widder hi the field. Ain't it o their second innings, and let' 'em once get ie well set on the wickets H'b no use for an \b old maid to try and bowl 'em out. I've h heered as how a gelleman named Mr. ;, Dickens, who writ some clever books, at n put a warnin' in one of 'em agen widders, n tellin' folks to beware of 'em. I 'onourt a him for it. He had a faelin' 'art, he had, [c and onderstud human nature. Now they )r do say that for every evil there is a ir remedy ; so I thinks if one- of those 11 'ere gellemon who sits hi the 'Oust n of Reprehenaibles, and wot looks sc >f 'andsome and well- cared for when you sec d 'em in the pioters, were to leave the 'ornyIe 'handed sons of toil alone a bit, and give thf I

' shop aiaiitants a holiday (as they allus seem to be hankering for one), and see after the old maids a bit, aud put a tax on the widders when they marries the seuond time and dubble the third time, and tax the pore f aluded men wot takeß 'em, and give us pore old maids a chance, not as a husband is of much count, the best of 'em is pore things left to theirsels, but it's a sort of finish to a woman Think wot a avenue to the country ; why it would keep all the working men through the 'ard winter. Think of the cry of joy that would go up from all the old maids of the land, and think of the fate of the grood-looldn' gelleman who interdooced the Bill if once be fall into the 'andß of one of those 'ere fanoodlin', extracting widdera. — " Sohneider."

NO. 1810— LlTBBABY AOBOSTIO. By " Conviva." Capital— E.P.O. (2 Marks for this.) Initials are a poet ; Finals, his soubriquet. Lights. 1, A character in " Titus Andronious " (reversed) ; 2, a character in " Midsnmmer Night's Dream " ; 3, a oharaoter hi " Troilus and Cressida " ; 4, he said, " Dogs bark at me when I halt by tiiem " ; 6, a reply; 6, a character in "Timon of Athens " (reversed) ; 7, a oharaoter in " Merchant of Venice " ; a character hi " Two Gentlemen of Verona " (reversed) j 9, he says, "If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine " ; 10, a coat of arms. No. 1811— Rhomboid Puzzle. By "Pax." Good— E P.O. LIQUTS. Dcwn.— l, A letter; 2, a preposition ; 3, an animal ; 4, dreadful ; S, a soug ; 6, a pronoun; 7, a letter. Across. — 1, A poet; 2, belonging to an animal ; 3, a carry* all ; 4, found in a potato. No. 1812 — Double Aobobtio. By "Britannia." Good— E.P.O. In two short words of different sense combined, An insect and a studious man we find. Lights. 1, Ancient weapon of warfare ; 2, the page in eight folded ; 3, I speed the boat onward ; 4, a sovereign rules me. No. 1813— Flo kal Refkeenobs. By " Pukaki." Excellent— E.P.C. (2 Marks for thia.) State authors, and flowers verses refer to. Lights. 1. "I saw it in my evening walk, a little lonely flower, Under a hollow bank it grew, deep in a inoßsy bow'jr." 2. " What can the blessed spring restore more gladd'ning than your charms, Bringing the memory once more of lovely fields and farms ?" 3. " Doomed in the shade thy sweets to shed, Unnotic'd droops thy languid head." 4. " And thou, O virgin queen of spring, Unveil thy charms and perfume ahed. " 5. " Soon as the frost will get out of my bed, I will peep up with my little bright head." No. 1814— Lbtteb Rebus. Selected by " J.L.M." S Thia rebus, solved, Will bring to mind What cheers the heart Of human kind. No. 1815.— Double Aobobtio. By " Ohiro." Good— E.P.C. Primula and Finals name a great conburner. Lights. 1, A Bpread ; 2, haste ; 3, entity ; 4, an animal ; 6, a colour ; 6, a literary lady ; 7, a sea ; 8, a pronoun ; 9, an adverb ; 10, an adjective. No. 181C— Chabase. By " Forget-me-not." Good— E.P.O. Love has it always, Hate cannot claim it ; Dwelling in heaven, Earth cannot share it. Apart from the husband, I'ot ever with wives ; . It belongs not to children, Yet blesses then- lives. No. 1817.— Oub Epiobam. On "A Joke." " The salt of life."— " Pukaki." ANSWERS TO PUZZLES OF Mat 26th. No. 1795— Litebabt Stab. C T U A O A RP E HILL A R D I AY O D L BYE No. 1796— Double Aobobtio.

I No. 1798— Shakespearian Diagonal. I

No. 1799— Aobobtio. T S c v (rev.) OTi v m U O i (rev.) ON v t HEe o No. 1800-Zio-Zao Fuzzlb.

No. 1801— Oub Epiobak. On "Afternoon Tea."

Numbers of puzzles correctly answered appear after the notn de plume of each competitor :—: — PukaH and'Ohho, 9 each ; Tyrwhitt, 7 ; Molly and Bridget, i each ; J.L.M., Conviva, Checkmate, and Eate, 3 eaoh ; Pax, Elaine, and Don, 2 each; Warata, Mins Q., and Britannia, 1 each.