AMERICAN HUMOUR.

Evening Post, Volume XLVI, Issue 43, 19 August 1893, Page 1 (Supplement)

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

The following example of American " humour " appears on the back of an elaborately-ornamented card setting forth the merits of a "strictly first-class " hotel in California :—: — " For the information of the crowds who intend to visit this resort during the ooming season, we desire to say that the Lakeside Hotel is probably the most accommodating house on this mundane sphere. Gats, dogs, monkeys, and parrots are allowed in the house without extra charge, and special cows are kept, so as all pets may have fresh cream at all hours of the day. Guests do not have to wipe their feet when they come in, and can spit on the floors or carpets anywhere ; they can figure their gain in flesh or the electoral vote on the walls ; take cuttings from the rare plants outside, or some of the plants themselves ; and get postage stamps at the office free for mailing same ; can bring snakes, horned toads, lizards, &c, into the house, which the manager or clerk will skin and prepare free of charge. If you don't pay your bill at the end of the week it makes no matter, as we are related to Rothschild by naturalisation. We furnish a piano, corkscrew, and sewing machine to each guest. If your children dig holes in the plastering or make flags out of the curtains, it's all right, as it don't cost anything for repairs. " For ladies who want to cook and wash in the rooms we reserve our best suites. Plenty of hot-water bags and medicines of all kinds, from pills to sarsaparilla, free to all. Our chambermaids were selected in France for their beauty, and brought over in three ships. They are always willing to button the ladies' shoes, comb their hair, and mend their dresses for sweet charity's sake. The electric cars aro not ' a marker ' to the swiftness of our waiters, who will serve meals in your room at any hour in the day for a kind word and a smile. You can take all the glass and silver you want to your room, and the cook will fix you any kind of liniment or poultice, day or night. "You can do, in fact, anything you want to ; but not more than six gents are allowed to sleep on the billiard table at one time. "Anyone breaking the rules of the house can receive a free massage treatment with a club by leaving notice at the office."