SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.

Evening Post, Volume XXXIX, Issue 103, 3 May 1890, Page 1 (Supplement)

SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.

John's widow was inconsolable on her return from tho funeral. " Poor John — he was a kind and forbearing husband," Bhe sobbed. " Yes," said a sympathising neighbour, " but it is all for the best. Yoti must try to comfort yourself, my dear, with the thought that your husband is at peace at last." A gentleman had accompanied a friend home to dinner, and as they seated themselves at the table, the hostess remarked :—": — " I trust that you will make allowances, Mr. Blankley. My servant left me very unexpectedly, and I waa compelled to cook the dinner myself." <( Oh, certainly, my dear madam, certainly," responded tho guest with great emphasis ; "I can put up with anything." " Miss Brown," asked a young man, " won't you play something for us?" "No, thank you," said the lady, " I'd rather hear Mr. Jones." Earnest listener: — "So would I, but — " Hore ho wns stopped by the expression on tho face of the young lady ; and he looked confused for half-an-hour after she had indignantly turned and loft him. The legislature of a Western State having a bill under consideration for tho regulation of tax-collectors, an honourable member got upon his feet and said • — " Mr. Speaker, Igo in heavy for that bill. The taxcollectors are all a sot of knaves. I was one myself for ten years." The bill passed. Here is a naive declaration from the prospectus of a weekly paper : — "The staff, with the exception of tho editor, has been very carefully selected, and deserves to secure success." " Dear sir," said an amateur farmer just from the country, writing to the secretary of an agricultural society, " put me down on your list of cattle for a calf." " Allow me, madam, to congratulate 3'ou on your acquaintance with that charming lady," said a gallant f Hungarian; "she is young, beautiful and intelligent." "Oh, certainly," replied the lady. " But don't you think she ia a trifle coneeitod ?" " Why, madam, just put yourself in her place, and say would you not be conceited too?" was the rather startling comment.