WIT AND HUMOUR.

Evening Post, Volume XXXIII, Issue 107, 7 May 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Fond mother (to'daugliter) — "Jennie, did you kiss young Gaskins again tonight?" Daughter — " Yes, mamma; he's just lost an uncle and I was so so sorry for him." Fond mother — " Well, Jennie, let this be the last. I'm afraid if you keep on encouraging him with your sympathy, he won') have a relative left in the wide, wide world." Amateur Actor (to friend)— "What did you think of my Hamlet, Charley?" Dear Friend — immense. In one part of the play you were equal to Irving." Amateur Actor — " What part was that, Charley?" Dear Friend — ""Where Polonius gives his parting advice to Laertes." Amateur Actor — " But I was behind the sceneß then." Dear Friend — "So is Irving." An Irish jockey, when selling a nag to a gentleman, frequently observed, with emphatic eranestness, that he was an honest horse. After the purchase had been effected, the gentleman asked what he meant by being an honest horse. " Why, sir," replied the seller, " whenever I rode him he always threatened to throw me off and he certainly never deceived me." A Paisley man unconsciously got himself into trouble one evening. His wife asked him whithpr he was going. " I'm going to sally forth," he replied. " Let me catch you going with Sally Forth, and there'll be a first class opportunity for your fire company to throw themselves on a set of obituary resolutions " The subject being taken in class was heathen mythology. The head governess was questioning the young ladies about 10, the lovely priestess oi Juno. What did Iodieof?" asked the mistresa "I do not know " said the cleveref t girl in the school, " unless 10-dide of potassium." The naughty damsel had a heavy imposition to do that afternoon An Englishman having asked a Yankee if the weather had been cold, he replied, "Cold?— I should say so. Went home ; lit a candle ; jumped into bed ; trrtd to blow candle out ; could'nt do it ; name frozen; had to break it off. " Mamma," said a little girl who had just commenced her lessons in geography, " whereabout shall I find the state of matrimony ? " "Oh " replied the mother, " you will find that to be one of the united states." A youth in the west called George was engaed to be married but was financially unable to call in the minister. His affianced wanted the affair brought to a finale, but George kept putting her off with promises, saying that he was not able to marry, &c # , •fee. Finally she said, " Dear Gaug, I am willing to marry you, if we have to live on bread and water." " Well, well," cried " Gaug " in desperation, " you furnish the bread and I'll try and skirmish round and hunt up enough water."