MRS. BOWSER'S SPOUSE.

Evening Post, Volume XXXIII, Issue 107, 7 May 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

MRS. BOWSER'S SPOUSE.

" Shall we go to church to-mor-row?" I inquired of Mr. Bowser the other Saturday night as we were closing up the house, and getting ready for bed "Shall we 1 ?" he echoed, as he stopped pulling off one of his boots to look up. " Mrs. Bowser you seem to be drifting into heathenism ! Of course we'll go to church. It is our duty to set the world an example." 11 But it is such a job for you to get ready, you know." " I don't know anything of the kind ! If I can't get ready three times to your once, and with one-tenth the fuss, I'll go off and kick myself to death ! While lam not a ao-called Christian, Mrs. Bowser, I propose to to respect the Lord's Day by goiug to church, and I propose you'll do the same." " Oh, I iutended to go." "Oh, you did? And perhaps you were expecting- me to stay at home and saw wood or play poker ? " We have breakfast at eight o'clock Sunday mornings. At half-past seven o'clock I was up and I called Mr. Bowser, who lay on the broad of his back, with his hands locked under the back of his neck. Y-e-s ! " he groaned. Five minutes later I called him again. "Y-e-sl' " Mr Bowser, it's a quarter to eight o'clock." " Can't you let a feller sleep % " " But you ai» going to church." At eight o'clock sharp I got him out of bed, and it was half-past befote we sat down to. breakfast, and nine o'clock before we got up. Then he went off to dress, but it wasn't five minutes before he shouted : " Mrs. Bowser, where is my shirt?" "Why, in your bureau drawer of course." " There isn't a single shirt there ! I'll bet $100 the laundry hasn't come up." I went upstairs, and pulled out the drawer, and there lay six clean shirts. " Why didn't you say in the top drawer ? " he growled, and I went downstairs, to hear him three minutes later, calling to me : " Mrs- Bowser, have I got a pair of pantaloons in this house ? " "Of course you have. Your Sunday pantaloons are in the closet." "No they ain't ! I've looked the house from top to bottom aud they ain't to be found." I went up and showed them to him hanging befor his eyes. At the same time I got him a collar, laid out his cuffs and necktie, and put his coat aud vest on a chair. I got ten minutes' rest before he bellowed over the banister : " Mis Bowser, if I was a wife and mother and housekeeper, I'd pay some attention to my husband's wardrobe. " What's wanted now !" "The collar won't fit! You've gone and let that swindling laundryi&t steal all my collars, and send up old rags in the place of them." I went up and showed him his own mark on every collar, and fitted one to his neck in half a minute. I had got down and finished combing my hair when he suddenly uttered a war whoop, and followed it up with : "Mrs. Bowser, I've busted the buckle of my vest ! " " Well, you must pin the straps together." " I'll be hanged if I do ! If you had looked over my clothes yesterday as a faithful wife would have done, this could not have happened." I ran up and sewed the buckle on, and had just got down again when he called : " Did you tell tbe cook to black my boots?" "Why, no." "Of course you didn't ! That's just the sort of hairpin you are I How on earth this house has run so long as itrhas is a mystery to me ? " I carried his boots out to the cook, and promised her a new collar to shine them up. By that time Mr. Bowser came downstairs. " Mrs. Bowser, look at these cuffs ! " he exclaimed, in a terrible voice as he held them out to me. "What's the matter?" " Matter ! Why, I've broken both my thumbs trying to get the buttons into 'em ! If you were like other wives you'd — " 1 slipped the buttons in before be could h'nish the sentence and then ran tJ dress me. In about three minutes I heard a terrible grunting; and roaring in the sittiugroom, and Mr Bowser called : "By the living gum but why was I ever fool- enough to marry ! " " What is it now ? " " Here's hay on my plug hat — on my Sunday hat— a whole load of hay." " You were up in the barn loft the other day when you had it on remember. It will brush off." " Oh ! it will ! We'll see if it does! I'll wear it jußt as it is and let everybody see what kind of a wife I have got." I made three minutes' further progress towards dressing, • when he shouted : " Mrs. Bowßer, there goes the first church bell ! Are you ready i ' "Wo." • "Yon ain't! Then you'll stay home ! I don't propose to go into church after the sermon has begun, and make a show of myself. What on earth have you been doing all the morning ? " "Waiting on you." "Onme ! Mi's. Bowser, don't add falsehood to your other vices ! lam goiug — going alone ! " He sailed off with a benign look on his countenance, tenderly raised hiu bat to three or four ladies before be was out of sight, and I saw by the

I paper the next day that he had subscribed £1 a to help pay off the church debt. — Detroit Free Press.