JOTTINGS.

Evening Post, Volume XVII, Issue 512, 17 May 1879, Page 1 (Supplement)

JOTTINGS.

The Only "Round Sum."— A cypher. The Commauder-in-Chief for Africa,— General Cap(e)ability. Argument for the Great Age of the Earth. — Its whiteness about the pole/ There are two things that wo are nevet prepared for — twins. The Khedive's Little Game. — Spoiling the Egyptians. Wanton Mischief. — Last Sunday a number of young men pulled up the Thames 1 A Word to Sir Wilfrid.— The Beßt Temperance Resolution — Resolution to ab* - stain. No Royal Road to Happiness. — Isn't there ? What do you say to the road from Windsor Castle to Claremont ? Hypercriticism at a Ball. — Grace (whispering) : What lovely boots your partner's got, Mary ! — Mary (ditto) : Yes, unfortunately he shines at the wrong end. One for Oough. — Somebody wants to know when a teetotal drink is most disgraceful, and he says the answer is, when it's drunk. THE STATUE OF LIVINOSTONE. (Unveillod in St. Goorgo's-squaro, Glasgow.) Will the doad marble make him wider known ; Or can it longer live than Livingstone? Some may say that it is this, and some that, which makes the quartern loaftgo up, but in our experience we have found that it is the yeast which causei bread to rise. A person complaining of the smallncss of some chops brought to tho table, an incorrigible wag observed, " Probably tho sheep fed on short commons." " Like Cures Like." — A fellow who suf* fered much from palpitation of the heart, says he was instantly relieved by applying another palpitating heart to the part affected. An Irishman on board a vessel when she was on the point of foundering, being desired to come on deck as she was going down, replied " that he had no wish to go on deck to see himself drowned. " Diversions of Drill. — Jack Dragoon (who has made a miss) : I say, Bill, that last shot of mine 13 like deferred pay — 'gone into the bank, and 'divel only knows when it'll come out again ! Descending from the General to the Particular. — Young Lady (who has never travelled by this line before) : Do- you go to Kew Gardens ? — Booking-clerk : Sometimes on a Sunday, Miss, on a summer's afternoon ! " P'lieo, p'lice I" called out a drunken man, clinging to a post. " Well ?" said an officer, coming up. "See here," hiccoughed the iuebriate, "I've lost my my ." " Well, out with it, what have you lost V" "I've lost my legs, don't you see ?" Advice Gratia. — A. religous contemporary questions whether the young ladiea of the present day are fitted for wives. So does Fun. Be thinks they are far more fitted for husbands, and if any young man doubts it he recommends him to get a little gall-an-try. Steady, Awhile. — Curate : Good morning, Curley ; I hope you are getting on better now ? Artisan : Yes, master, thankee. lam saving up. — Curate : lam glad to hear that. How much have you saved ? — Artisan : I have got a penny, master, and I am saying it till I get another ; then lam going to have a pint. Civil Seryice — Clergyman : I want a tin of coacoa-sina. How much is it ? — Shop* man : One shilling and threepence, BinClergyman : Oh, but I can buy it at the stores for one shilling and twopence. — Shopman : Very possibly, sir. I believe you get about five pounds for every sermon you preach, and I can buy a better one than any of yours for a penny. The Precocity of Peter. — " You must be sare and bear this in mind, Peter," said the good governess ; " the seasons frequently alternate." "I believe you," replied Peter, "and they frequently alterna.ur as welL" A scuffle, and then a dismal yell were subsequently heard through that Bchoolroom door. A Sad Caae During the Recent Frosts. — Parson's son (having a ride round with Farmer Oldhand, churchwarden) : I say, it'll be a bad job for Uncle Charles if this weather goes on.— Farmer : How's that, air?— Youngste r: Why, pa had a letter from him this morning, and he says all his horses are eating their heads off. Queer, ain't it ? The Wicked Cynic— Wife : But do you think, dear, it's proper to have a royal marriage in Lent ? — Husband : Moßt proper ! Right Bea-on for penitential sacrifices and preparation for life-long re* pentance. — (But it wa? only his grim joke, and she knew it.) Episode in High Life,— (From our Jeames's Sketch-book). — The Lady KeroBine de Colza : I cannot tell you how pleased I am to meet you here, Dr. Blenkinson ; and especially to go down to dinner with you. — Dr. Blenkinson (an eminent physician, much pleased) : You ► natter me, I'm Bure, Lady Kerosine ! — Lady Kerosine : " Oh no ! It's 80 nice to sit by somebody who can tell you what to eat, drink, and avoid, you know ! "